Page 5 of Liar
“What does that mean, exactly?” Ash asked, studying me. There was a slight flush on her cheek, a gentle pink color that made me wonder what she’d look like under me. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought of such things, but it was the first time I had to mentally scold myself that it was vastly inappropriate.
I would not lose myself in inappropriate thoughts so soon. Nope. I was trying to be better. No more Sawyer man-whore.
“It means whatever you want it to mean,” I said.
“I’m with them, still,” she told me, lifting a single eyebrow, as if wordlessly challenging me to say something. To make a comment about her dating life. “Travis, Declan, and Will. My life didn’t stop the moment you left.”
Of course, I knew that. I didn’t imagine she spent the entire time pining away after me, not with her psycho ex in the picture, but I did hope she thought of me at least a little.
“I never said it did,” I replied, standing up and grabbing her books. We had to take things slow if I had any hope of being in her life, whether it was as a friend or something more.
Something more, I hoped. Something a lot more.
Ash got up, following me as I left the cafeteria area of the union. I headed for the doors that let out to the sidewalks that eventually would land us at her dorm. She tugged her beanie down over her ears, huffing, “What are you doing? Give me my books—” She actually sounded worried, as if she thought I was stealing them.
I admit, it was something the old me would’ve done, just to aggravate her. But the me of today didn’t want to play those games anymore. In fact, I was done playing every game. No more games at all for me.
“I’m being a gentleman and helping you bring them back to your dorm,” I said, shooting her a grin before pushing out of the glass door and into the cool winter air of Hillcrest.
Running into her in the bookstore had been an accident. I’d come to collect my own books, but the moment I saw her, I knew I had to talk to her. Had to be with her. Had to soak in everything she was because I’d missed her more than I ever thought I could miss anybody.
Her books weren’t heavy exactly, just unwieldy, since there were so many of them. I had no idea how Ash would’ve carried these back to her dorm without help; she had no bag to shove them in, and her arms were rail-thin. She had no muscle on that skinny frame.
“A gentleman?” she echoed, sounding amused in spite of herself. “You being a gentleman…is this like that date you took me on?”
The zoo. I remembered. I remembered that day crystal clear—and not only because of what happened under the table while we were eating. Having her hand wrapped around me, jerking me off in public where anyone could see…probably hadn’t been the best idea, but honestly, it was the best feeling in the world. She had me in her hands then, and it had taken me forever to realize it, but she never stopped. I might’ve done stupid shit afterward, might’ve fought everything I felt for her, but that was because I was a stupid fucktard.
No more.
I shot her a grin. “Only if you want it to be.”
Ash shook her head, chuckling softly.
“So, how’d everything go with your ex?”
Her gaze turned toward the grey sky, and she was silent for a few moments before saying, “He’s out of the picture, finally. We don’t have to worry about him anymore. We’re safe.” Her eyes darted to me. “Did your family also tell you what happened with Brittany? I’m sure it was on the news.”
That was not something my family covered in their welcome home party, so I said, “No. They didn’t bring her up. Why? Did she do more to you?” I was not above finding dirt on that bitch and forcing her to leave Ash alone. After all, that bitch had hit Ash with her car, tried to have her raped. There were some things you couldn’t forget or forgive.
“No, she’s…she’s dead. My ex kidnapped her, killed her.” Ash’s voice got quiet, and she bent her head down. “Right in front of me, too. Chained her to a light pole and a car and…tore her in half.”
I nearly stopped walking at that. Blinking, I said, “He…what?” As the shock wore off, I added, “I’m sorry you had to see that.” That was something normal to say after being told that, right? I really didn’t do comforting well. Just one thing among many I’d have to work on for Ash.
I was better than I was before, but I wasn’t great. I wasn’t perfect. I still needed to work on myself.
“Thanks.” She had her hands in her pockets, walking about a foot away from me on the sidewalk. It was mostly an empty campus, but I knew things would start to be their normal craziness tomorrow. I would not skip classes anymore, and I would actually try when it came to papers and homework and quizzes. “How was it?”
“It?” I asked, sounding vastly confused. “What do you mean by it? You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Rehab,” she muttered, shooting me a classic Ash frown, clearly unhappy that I’d forced her to say it aloud. As if rehab was some terrible, taboo word no one spoke these days. And, around here, I supposed it was. None of the rich families around here would ever want to admit their precious heir had to go to rehab.
They thought I’d gone for them, to remain a part of the Salvatore legacy, but they were wrong.
“Oh, you know. It was good. Got to focus on my problems and all that. The food was shit, though, so I don’t recommend it.” I sounded like I was joking, but I wasn’t. The food really was shit. Shoveling that crap into my mouth had been one of the most difficult things I’d ever had to do in my life.
“I hope it works for you,” Ash told me as we neared the side entrance to her dormitory.
I hoped it did, too. I didn’t want to be the Sawyer of last semester, or of last year. I wanted to leave that particular me in the dust, forget all about him.
