Page 69 of When I Fall In Love

“Okay.” It isn’t exactly a weird request, but her earlier insight into my life is going to eat through me later. “I’ll take the time to do that.”

“Good. You must know that we will support you and that we will be fine—absolutely fine—with whatever decision you make. Don’t let time run out, Hunter. Not again. That’s the one thing we never get back.”

35

BETH

I hate my life. It’s as if I’ve never been gone. Since arriving back at the office I’ve been overrun with the competition bureau case, gathering the information the committee requested. We’re going through files, refreshing my memory en route with Jana, making sure we’re on top of things for the hearing on Friday. This is the most important case we’ve ever dealt with, and if we can make this merger happen, the firm would receive its biggest paycheck to date and a massive boost to our reputation. Off the back of that fat paycheck will come a partnership for me—that’s what Jana had implied when I walked into the offices a day early on Monday morning.

As for the two companies merging and whether it would be good for consumers in the long run… I know the answer to that. This dollars-above-everything-else attitude has been grinding against me for more than a year now, ever since this deal first landed on our table. I can’t help that Hunter’s company’s slogan keeps ringing in my head: Where honest goodness still counts.

In the past few years, my work has slowly circled to the less honest, less good parts of this job. Lawyers get paid a ton of money, but it’s because they know how to bend the law within its boundaries. After this merger, the holding company will have eighty percent of the market share, which is basically a monopoly. If we’re going to win this, it will take a miracle. Or a bribe. I don’t want to know which it’s going to be.

My heart isn’t in my work, and it hasn’t been for some time. But now it’s worse.

Now that I’ve been back to Ashleigh Lake, my head isn’t at work either. I have to reread every second sentence and need to take breaks every twenty minutes just to keep going. Bill is in the forefront of my mind. It’s his operation today. For all I know he’s already out of the operating room what with the time difference. There has been no word from Hunter yet. Maybe because I never responded to his last message. I love you. Always have. Always will.

I stare at it at least a hundred times a day. At some point I end up in the ladies’, crying, not sure if it’s him, our love lost and found, my horrible job, or just the combination of it all that is making me this weak.

I haven’t been productive because I’ve been torn to bits. Hunter’s declaration caught me off guard. We never stopped loving each other, but I didn’t think our love could survive sixteen years of separation. But this weekend it was as if we’d never been apart.

At night I can’t sleep. Not because of work like in the past, but I keep rolling around thinking what would have happened if Bill didn’t have his heart attack and if Kyle didn’t arrive to play the role of knight in shining armor. Outsiders interfering with my life.

My phone is set on silent, but when a message pops up, I glance at it. It’s from Hunter.

Uncle Bill is out of the operating room and the anesthesia has worn off. He’s awake and a bit out of it, can’t talk because of all the tubes but at least he has pulled through the op. We’re all relieved. Will see how it goes over the next few days. I’ll keep you posted.

I stand and walk out of the boardroom where the team is working and with hasty steps make it to the ladies’. I lock myself in a stall and heave out a shaky breath as I type. I’m relieved too. Thank you for letting me know.

For a long moment, I stare at the screen, waiting for him to start typing again, but he doesn’t. In seconds, my own life flashes before me. How I wasted my twenties with a man who was unworthy. How I clung to this picture of myself that grew from seeds that other people planted. How I hacked away at those rogue, wild-growing vines, to sculpt myself into what I am today, not knowing that in all of this, another seed had sprouted ages ago. With everything that overshadowed my life, that little seed has been battling to find space in the light. Hunter and my love for him have been waiting in the shadows for that moment where every other insignificant thing gets severed to the ground like it was over the weekend we spent together.

I bite back my reservations and gather my courage. Suddenly nothing is more urgent than being by Hunter’s side again.

Can we see each other again? I need to see you. Soon. Please.

I sit down on the toilet lid, my legs weak. I’m too rattled to go back to the boardroom and fake work. My phone rings, and the vibration in my hand startles me. “Hunter?”

“Bee.” His voice is thick with emotion.

“Are you okay?”

“With Uncle Bill out of the operating room and doing okay so far, yes. I’m good.”

“How long will he be in the hospital for?”

“If all goes well, until next week. It’s at least a six-week recovery.”

“Okay.” Six weeks. For someone who’s done sixteen years of waiting to get together again, it should be insignificant, but six weeks loom like Mount Everest right now. “After that? I… I want to see you again.”

“I can’t wait that long.”

I laugh. “Me neither.”

He hesitates for a few seconds. “Are we going to make us work?”

“Yes.” I blink through my tears. “I don’t know how, but yes. Somehow we will. We must.”

“I love you, Bee.” His voice breaks. “Always have, always will.”

---