Page 83 of Antidote

I get out of bed and go to the bathroom, turning on the light. Ollie shields his eyes as the light bothers him, and I squint through my discomfort as I turn the shower handle and set the water to hot. Putting my foot on the toilet lid, my hands shake slightly as I wrap my fingers around the plug’s handle and pull it out, feeling empty immediately. It’s somewhat uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt.

“You gonna shower with me?” I ask him, stepping into the hot water and standing under the stream.

Ollie joins me, closing the glass shower door behind him, and wrapping his arms around my waist, his dick to my ass. He reaches around me, squirts some shower gel onto his hands, and then steps away. I’m about to turn my body toward him when he begins to lather me up. First, he washes my back slowly and softly. It calms me down, my heartbeat slows and it makes me smile. I turn to face him, and he returns it. Then, I begin to wash my neck, chest, and arms. It feels so fucking intimate.

I can’t believe there was ever a time when I wasn’t attracted to anyone. What I feel for Oliver is beyond attraction, though. I’m irrevocably in love with him. Head over goddamn heels. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t know how to live without him. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost him. All I know is that I need to lock him down and put a ring on it. As soon as fucking possible.

Rinsing my body, I close my eyes and tip my chin up, letting the water fall down my chest. Ollie wraps his arms around me again, and I smile. I’ve never been this happy in my life, and I need to hold onto this moment. This weekend in Atlanta has been the most perfect memory we’ve ever had. When he started over at the aquarium and he’d asked me for my name, my legs almost buckled. I didn’t think he’d remember word for word what was said. I thought I was the only weirdo who memorized it, but if there ever was a core memory—that’s one of mine.

I turn around and wash him too, taking my time as I clean every single inch of him, touching him everywhere. It’s not sexual, though. I’m worshiping him, taking care of him. When I’m done, his eyes are shiny, and there’s a massive smile on his face. I cup the back of his head with one hand and pull him toward me, giving him a soft kiss on his forehead and then his hair. I’m ready to cuddle up to him for hours and not let go, so I switch off the water and hand him a towel.

We dry ourselves in silence, then step out of the shower and brush our teeth. I’m the first one in bed, and I pull back the covers for Ollie and wait for him. He walks naked toward me, gets in bed, and immediately snuggles up to me. Our bodies know exactly what to do, and I pull him closer, burying my face in his neck. I drape my arm over his waist and rub his skin gently.

“Thank you,” Ollie whispers, and I frown. What the hell is he talking about? “For not hiding me.”

“I don’t want to hide you, Ollie,” I reply softly. “I want us to be together, no matter what anyone thinks about it.”

“Even Dad?”

My stomach dips, and I clear my throat. “I’m gonna tell him,” I promise. “I just need a little more time.”

“How long?” he asks me, and I can tell he’s skeptical. Although I can’t even blame him.

“Next dinner,” I reply, my hand on his waist beginning to shake. He grabs it and squeezes it once, reassuring me as always. “I promise. I just need us to be calm when we do it. I just need two more weeks.”

Two weeks to wonder how my life will change after this.

Two weeks to prepare myself mentally to be disowned.

Two weeks to pretend it won’t kill me to lose the only dad I’ve ever had.

I’m not stupid. As soon as we come out to Dad, he’s going to lose his shit. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it or how I’ll do it. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep—and right now, I can’t tell him. I just can’t.

“Two weeks,” he tells me. “Two weeks, and then we start forever.”

“I promise.”

Ollie tugs me closer to him, my arm still draped over his waist, and I bury my face back in his neck. Within minutes, he’s asleep. I focus on his deep breaths, their slowness. I wish I could sleep peacefully right now, but the truth is I’m fucking terrified of coming out to our dad. Thinking about it brings forth a paralyzing fear—abandonment. I don’t know if I can take it a second time. I really don’t.

Still, I take deep breaths and tangle my legs with his, seeking out his body heat. Chasing for the comfort he always provides. And even though I can’t fall asleep, at least I have him.

I hope I always do.

The last few days have been perfect. We’ve been hanging out with his friends, Jamie, and going out in public like a real couple. He’s not trying to hide me, and the relief I feel knocks me off balance every time we leave the apartment. Hunter holds my hand, kisses me, and stares at me like I hung the moon out in the open—the same way he does when we’re behind closed doors. I didn’t realize how much I missed how affectionate he is, but damn, now it feels like I can’t live without it or him.

My ear is pressed against his chest, right above his heart, and the steady beat has me in a state of hypnosis. He’s trailing his fingertips slowly up and down my back, and my eyes are closed as I breathe deeply, almost sleeping. Hunter takes a deep breath and clears his throat. It’s loud, and I peer up at him. The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminates his face, and he looks at me shyly.

“What’s that look for?” I ask him with a smile.

He leans in and kisses my forehead softly, making butterflies take flight in my stomach. It never gets old. “I have something to ask you.” I narrow my eyes, and he smiles. “Come closer, baby. Get on top.”

“I’m heavy,” I tell him, and he laughs like I’m being funny. “I mean it, Hunter.”

“You’re not heavy, Ollie.” He shakes his head. “Now get on top and put your arms right here.” He gestures for me to cage his head in between my arms, and I climb on top of him, straddling him and lowering my body until our chests meet. “See? I can take you. Now get closer. Kiss me.”

I smile and lean in, pressing my lips softly to his. My chest feels tight, so I take a deep breath as I pull away. His eyes search mine, and he has a massive smile on his face, and I realize…he hasn’t stopped smiling at me since we decided to give this a shot. He looks genuinely happy.

Hunter grabs the back of my head, and I shift my hips so that our hard dicks are lined up, just trying to get more comfortable. We’re both naked, yet we’re not acting on it. I don’t even know what to make of it. But he pulls me back toward him, presses our foreheads together, our noses brushing against each other, and kisses me again.