But I can hold her.
“Your uncle didn’t deserve you as a niece.”
I can practically hear the gears in her head grinding. It’s a long time before she responds mournfully.
“He set this whole thing up for me. Gave me the fucking keys to the kingdom. But if I wasn’t this awful person, perhaps I wouldn’t be alone. Instead, I have nothing.”
My hand moves higher to slide into her hair, gently massaging. “You’re not a bad person, Rip. You’re just a survivor.”
“And a monster.”
“This place has a way of making even the best people into monsters.”
“Then why are you here?” She lifts her head, and I can imagine her staring down at me. “Why are you still humouring whatever this is?”
“Because I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes. We’ve all made enough of them. And I’m not going to let you ruin this based on some whacked opinion of what you think you deserve.”
“Damn. Say it how it is, huh?” An invisible smile peppers her words.
“Always, babe.” I dramatically sniff the air. “On that topic… You’re cute as fuck, but when was the last time you stopped moping around and showered?”
“Raine!”
“I don’t have to be blind to smell that ripeness.”
Her laughter fading, Ripley sighs. “It’s hard for me to do basic stuff when these episodes hit. Even moving is difficult.”
“In the future, we need a signal.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve been sitting around like a chump for days waiting for you to show up. I just need to know you’re safe, even if functioning is too much.”
“What kind of signal?” she asks.
“A code word. A hand squeeze. Hell, I’ll take anything. But on those days when your limbs are too heavy to move and everything is unbearable, I need to know so I can come hold you close.”
Her legs slowly uncurl, like she’s preparing for the long, tiresome walk to the attached bathroom. It’s invasive that I can also hear the empty gurgling of her stomach, but my dialled-up senses didn’t get that message.
“I guess I’m just used to dealing with my illness alone.”
“That changes today. I’m making the decision for both of us.”
Ripley snickers. “Then I guess a code word will do. Aren’t they usually reserved for sex, though?”
“You wanna have one for that too? This friends with benefits arrangement just got interesting.”
The bed springs creak with her standing up. “You’re incorrigible.”
“Like you’d want me any other way.”
“I guess not.” Her hand snags my arm then tugs. “Come and wash my back.”
Letting her pull me out of the bed, I’m guided through the bedroom. The sound of the light clicking on and the shower starting are my first clues that we’ve reached the bathroom.
Ripley hisses in pain as she peels off whatever clothes she’s wearing. My hands hover mid-air, looking to help, but she doesn’t ask. So I work on unfastening my jeans and pulling off my t-shirt instead.
My body feels awkward and stiff. They did a real number on me. Nothing permanent, but I was lucky to avoid a concussion. The pain will fade soon enough.