Page 57 of Some Things Never Change

Andy chuckled with a shrug. “My dad has always said that if it’s something we can’t verbally put it into words, then for us to write it out. It was literally impossible for me to say this to you without getting embarrassed, so I wrote it out.”

I lightly gasped. “You, embarrassed? Now I would’ve loved to see that!”

I took another sip of my tea as Andy looked up from the shapes and curves of his neat handwriting. Unlike Jonathan and Anthony, his writing was actually legible and clean. He looked up at me with an exasperated look.

“You’re horrible, Tink.”

I let out a long laugh. I slapped his shoulder. “Jesus, Andy! You’re so dramatic! This is hardly anything to be embarrassed about. So what if you were going to miss me? That’s normal since we were so close. Unless you were going to cry . . .” I cocked a curious eyebrow at him.

“I wasn’t.”

“Sure thing, pretty boy.”

“I just couldn’t bring myself to say all that and goodbye to you. It was too hard.”

“And you would’ve cried?”

Andy looked back up at me with the same smile from earlier. “Okay, maybe.”

I chuckled softly. “It would’ve been fine if you did. You know I would’ve bawled my eyes out if I had to be the one to leave home first.”

Andy gave me a knowing look. “Of course you would and, knowing me, I would’ve had to awkwardly hug you to calm you down.”

I threw him a weak punch and earned another laugh from him. Wordlessly, he handed the letter back. It had been a few months since I last opened it to re-read it. However, I no longer remembered what emotions I felt when I read it the first time or the most recent time. But I noticed immediately the shift of the current of emotions I felt re-reading it this time in Andy’s presence.

Dear Julie,

I couldn’t say this to you, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ll miss you a lot. I know we're going to be apart for a while, but I hope this distance won't change the way we feel about each other.

You mean so much to me, Tink. You're my best friend, my confidant, and the person who understands me better than anyone else. I hope you know I’ll always care about you. I hope when we see each other again things will still be the same between us. I hope we'll still be as close as we are now.

Always yours,

Andy K. Hughes

I became emotional—smitten, nostalgic, and wistful—all at once. The thrum of my heart was loud and clear in my ears as I tried to even my breathing. I was fully aware Andy was next to me, and the last thing I needed was to draw his attention from his Legos project toward me.

“Living with you makes me feel nostalgic,” I voiced out loud.

I wasn’t looking at him because I couldn’t bring myself to. At my side, I could feel Andy come to a halt as he stopped building his project for a moment. I could feel his eyes shift to me.

“Same here. I kind of wish we could go back to those days when we were just kids, young and dumb. I miss those times.”

I finally got the courage to turn to him. I caught the way the sunset caressed his handsome features, suddenly reminding me so much of a time long ago. Living with Andy like this unlocked many feelings and memories I buried years ago. I tucked them so deeply away into the crevices of my heart that I no longer remembered how much I felt for him.

He was watching me with eyes so bright that I couldn’t look away. His eye color changed under all sorts of lighting, and it was always interesting to see exactly how hazel or green they could turn. But I now remembered how I always loved staring into his eyes as the sun set the most. Those beautiful eyes looked like sparkling, iridescent golden emeralds under the soft, honeyed sun rays.

The golden, deep orange sun illuminating Andy reminded me of how alluring and special his eyes were, just like the person who saw the world through them. Tens and thousands of summer sunsets ago, I swore to my younger self I would never forget the beauty in these eyes and the reasons why I loved him.

But I did.

I let out a shaky breath at the intensity of my unearthed feelings. Like my father, he had always been patient. Like his own father, he was a good listener. He was always kind, thoughtful, and so gentle with me.

I chose to forget I loved Andy because it was easier that way than to risk losing him. He wasn’t just my best friend or confidant. He was the one person who understood, cared, and loved me greater than anyone else, other than my parents and brother. Many years ago, as a teenager, I decided I would rather live my life without him ever knowing about these feelings than to selfishly risk our friendship.

“You okay?” asked Andy.

He began to look worried, which would make sense since I literally sat there and stared at him. I took a deep, even breath and tried to swallow down the emotions threatening to come up from the deepest pit of my chest like bile.

---