Page 86 of Pretend for Me

Dean Meyer

[GIF of Simon Cowell’s “what the fuck” face being zoomed in]

Uh, Dev, buddy? Do you think you might have taken “fucking like rabbits” too literally? When Piper told you to act like an ‘animal’ in bed, I don’t think that’s what she had in mind. Or maybe she did . . . I get the feeling Sniperella is a freak.

Garrett Meyer

Goes to show you, you never really know anyone . . .

Hudson Case

Jesus. I was talking about the parsley she started adding to their food. She told me it was a natural aphrodisiac. I think I need to amputate my memory after this conversation.

Darian Meyer

Me, too.

Dean Meyer

On the bright side, looks like Dev’s tiny carrot finally found a little rabbit hole!

[Darian Meyerhas left the chat]

[Dean Meyerhas addedDarian Meyerto the chat]

Dean Meyer

Darian, bro, that wasn’t even that bad. You know I can say way worse.

Darian Meyer

Which is why I was trying to preemptively leave.

Dean Meyer

Anyway, I am so excited. I have so much fodder for the best man’s speech!

Oh, Dev, I saw the news about you becoming the face of Haircuts and Heartthrobs. They went with the picture of you with one of the bare pussies around your shoulder? I will say, the messaging seems mixed. Are they selling haircuts or Brazilian waxes?

Dev Menon

A.) You are not the best man, and B.) There will be no best man’s speech because there will be no wedding. I’m canceling it, and you are all uninvited.

Dean Meyer

Aw, come on, buddy. Don’t be like that. We were just trying to be ‘bunny’.

Garrett Meyer

Yeah, but Dean, clearly Dev’s nothoppin’it. Maybe we should stop. It was too ‘munch’for him.

Dean Meyer

Too ‘munch’! BAHAHAH!

Dev Menon

You guys are idiots.

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