Page 41 of Waiting for Gilbert

The knock at the door is muffled. I swing it wide to reveal Gilbert the Snow King dressed in brown coveralls with the collar raised, because he’s the coolest kid in school. His fur-lined trapper hat snaps beneath his chin, and a thick layer of scruff protects his face.

The sight of him brings a smile to mine. “I’m saved!”

“Ready?” He steps inside along with swirls of snow and relieves me of both my bags. “You’re about as cute as a bowl of plum pudding.”

That wipes the smile from my face and I narrow my eyes.

He laughs. “What? I like plum pudding.”

Sure he does. Cute enough to look at. But not cute enough to date, marry, or have a family with. Sounds about right.

Doesn’t matter. We can be friends, and I’ll set up an online dating profile as soon as the internet returns. Plum pudding, bah! I need to find someone who thinks I’m alluring, charming, so gorgeous they wouldn’t dare compare me to food. I’ve always wanted to check out the online dating scene. Why not have AI pair me with the perfect match? What could possibly go wrong?

“Red Leader Two, ready to launch?” He crouches enough to level his eyes with mine. “You okay?”

I muster a smile. “Let’s go.”

The thirty feet across the yard tries to kill me. I don’tthinkit’s still snowing, but the absurd wind produces snow clouds all over. And there’s zero light. I could be following Gilbert into the great unknown. I’ll be dead in ten minutes. Dead. Why do people live here on purpose?

I flounder in a thigh-high drift. The second time I fall, I screech in frustration. How is this happening? Gilbert’s laugh fades in the distance.

“Gilbert!” The snow is loose enough that I’ve sunk almost to the ground, and I flop like a fish on the beach. “Gilbert?” Great. He’s abandoned me to the elements.

This is it for me.

So long, world.

My numb lips struggle to form words. Still, I shout my complaints into the dark morning. “Leave me! Save yourself!” I manage to stand. “Have fun finding a new renter when word gets out that you’ve murdered me!”

My puffy coat restricts my ability to move my arms. “Third-degree murder is still a crime!” I’m completely disoriented. How long have I been out here? Three minutes? An hour? Five days?

It’s far below zero and with the windchill I’m colder than I’ve ever been. I’m turning a slow circle with my hands clutching my hat against my ears when I’m swept off my feet by a lumbering bear that’s materialized from a snowcloud. “Oof!”

Gilbert flings me over his shoulder fireman style. “Third-degree murder?” He smacks my bottom through my coat, and I gasp. The nerve!

I yell to be heard over the wind. “What was I supposed to think?” I push my hands on his back and raise my head, but I don’t struggle to get down. I’m not stupid. This free ride is uncomfortable but three levels up from walking through a blizzard. “You led me into the mist and abandoned me. That’s bad—as bad as Gollum! Shelob could be right around the corner for all I could tell.” Then I’m airborne.

I land in a snow drift. I am a starfish pressed into a plaster mold. “Gilbert Henry Conner!” I try to be stern, but my reproach ends with a laugh. I try again. “Gil—” Nope. I can’t even get through his whole name without laughing. “I packed you—” I suck in a careful breath to still my laughter. “I HAVE COFFEE!”

His face appears over mine, grinning. “I already brought the coffee inside, sucker. Come in when you’re ready to be civilized.”

Before he moves, I fling a handful of snow into his face. A lot of difference it makes combined with the wind’s efforts. But it gets my point across. Nobody backs Cordelia into a snowdrift and gets away with it. He smirks one last time and stomps up the stairs.

18

CORDELIA

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17

KELLY CLARKSON—UNDERNEATH THE TREE

Bing!

Cordelia: *GIF of the little boy from ‘Up’ waving “Hi!”*

Diana: *GIF of soldier in full gear lowering binoculars.*

Cordelia: *GIF of Pooh Bear happy-dancing with a napkin around his neck, “What time is lunch?”*

---