Page 53 of Fighting for Lucy

Now his uncertainty just made her sad.

This was exactly why she’d missed him so much these last few hours. She knew he needed her, and she needed him, too.

Without allowing herself to think about what she was doing, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Zander’swaist, pressing close and resting her cheek on his chest, right above his heart so she could hear its steady rhythm.

When his arms moved to wrap around her, Lucy couldn’t hold in a content sigh. This was perfect, this was exactly where she wanted to be. For the first time in hours, she felt the weight lift off her shoulders and her muscles relax.

Not just her. She could practically feel the tension melt away from Zander.

“I'm sorry for coming around so late, but I didn't think you'd be asleep.” His voice rumbled through his chest, and the cadence of it washed over her with a soft touch that soothed her and made her feel like maybe everything could be okay.

“I wasn’t asleep,” she assured him.

“Is it … okay that I'm here?”

Again, she was struck by the doubt in his voice. As if she would have wanted him anywhere else. If it was up to her, he would have come home with her after the hospital. “Of course it’s okay. I missed you,” she admitted. It might have only been hours since she’d last seen him, but it felt like days had passed.

“Thank goodness, because I missed the hell out of you, babe.” With that, he tightened his grip around her waist, lifted her off her feet, and carried her back through the door. After locking it behind them he carried her over to the couch.

Cotton lifted her head to give them both an annoyed look but otherwise didn't move.

“Don’t mind Cotton, she’s the epitome of lazy. She’ll be more interested in you after breakfast,” Lucy said.

“Pretty dog,” Zander said as he sat down and set her on his lap, and Lucy felt her cheeks heat as she realized that she liked sitting on a man’s lap. Well, this man’s lap anyway. It had always seemed kind of juvenile to her, sitting on someone’s lap like you were a five-year-old. But when she sat on Zander’s lap, all shecould feel was safety, it was like being wrapped in her very own security blanket.

It wasn’t until she realized that Zander’s muscles had stiffened again that Lucy realized something was wrong.

Quickly she scanned the room but nothing was there, and Cotton had gone back to sleep.

Looking up at Zander, she saw his gaze was fixed on the weapon lying discarded on her coffee table.

“I was scared,” she said by way of explanation. “I know Bubba is outside, but I needed it to feel safe.”

His arms tightened around her until it was just shy of painful, and his fingers gripped her chin in an unyielding hold. Lucy had no idea what was going on, but there was an almost wild look in Zander’s brown eyes. “Tell me that’s all it was,” he demanded, the thread of fear in his voice setting off an echoing explosion of fear inside her.

“That’s all it was,” she told him, not really sure what he was asking her.

Then it hit.

Zander was asking her if she’d been sitting up tonight, alone and scared, traumatized by everything that had happened to her and contemplating suicide.

There hadn't been a single second where she had contemplated taking her own life other than those first hours at Raul’s house where she’d planned to try to kill the weapons dealer even if she had to end her own life to do it.

Why would Zander even be thinking that’s what she was going to do?

Unless …

Was that how he’d spent his night? Sitting at his place with a weapon in his hand, wondering whether the best way forward was to just end it all?

Breaking free from his hold, Lucy scrambled to bring him closer. “Zander, I wasn’t going to kill myself, but were you?”

His eyes shuttered, and he slid her off his lap and stalked to the other side of the room, dragging his fingers through his dark hair.

He didn't get to run away from this.

From her.

This was why he’d come here, wasn’t it? Because he needed someone to reassure him that if he wasn’t around he would be missed. That he mattered.

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