Page 95 of Loving Netta Wilde

‘No, you loved the idea of me. Until it got too much.’

‘Not true.’

‘If you loved me so much, why did you want to change me? All those times you nagged me to make my dress and my language more appropriate. And what about refusing to call me Netta? You always called me Annette, even though I didn’t like it. And I know you think I belittled you but you were on a daily mission to make me as small as possible. And all of that was before the affair. Afterwards, you just wanted to crush me.’

‘I was an absolute bastard, and perhaps you were too much for me to handle but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. Please, don’t take that away from me, Netta.’

She stopped walking and took his hand. ‘If I ever belittled you or made light of your feelings for me, I’m sorry. But that was nothing to the way you treated me. From the moment you found out about me and Doogie you made my life unbearable.’

He looked at her hand holding his and touched it gently with his free one. ‘I know. And the worst part of it is I enjoyed it. I can’t begin to describe just how much disgust I have for myself right now.’

She searched his eyes for the lies that usually hid behind them but saw none. ‘Colin. We’re in our fifties now. It’s time to stop suffering and move on. I forgive you. For all the things you did. I forgive you.’

‘But I haven’t done a proper apology yet.’

‘I think you have.’

‘I’m going to pay you back. All the money I took from you under false pretences, I’m going to pay it back.’

‘And how are you going to do that?’

‘I’m going to sell the house.’

‘But you love that house.’

He shook his head. ‘Not anymore. When I get back in, I’m going to put it on the market.’

She touched his cheek. ‘You don’t need to pay me back in money. You just need to be a better person.’

‘I’m going to do both.’ He blushed and couldn’t look at her.

She was reminded again of that shy, nerdy boy she once thought was cute and she put her arms around him. A strange feeling came over her. Relief. How about that? Forgiveness must do that to you.

They were almost home and were just passing the road the allotments were on. She’d thought Colin was miles away, but he suddenly blurted out: ‘Could you drop me here?’

Netta stopped the car. After his last visit, she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea.

He must have sensed her hesitancy. ‘I’d like to catch Ursula if I can, and she has asked to see me. I’ll come straight back home afterwards, I promise. Geraldine will have my guts for garters if I don’t.’

She relaxed. It couldn’t do any harm, could it? ‘Well you don’t want to make the mighty Gezza angry.’

‘I certainly do not. That woman is my lifeline. Where would I be without her counselling and her numerous pies?’

She let him out and drove on home. Claire had stayed over last night. She was heading back to Brighton today and Netta wanted to say goodbye to her.

She got there just as Claire was on her way out the door. Doogie was with them. ‘It’s a pity you can’t stay a bit longer,’ he said.

‘I’ve got to get back to work, husband and kids. You’ve got Merrie for a few more days. She’ll kick your arse for me if it needs doing,’ said Claire.

She gave Netta a hug. ‘Hope things get sorted with Colin. I actually feel sorry for him. Don’t know how that happened.’ She prodded Doogie in the chest. ‘Sort your life out you, before you’re old and grey and nobody wants you.’

They waited until her car had turned the corner before going inside. ‘Frank’s just gone to take over from your dad at Colin’s,’ he said. ‘Is now a good time to talk?’

53

THE PEOPLE WE COULD HAVE BEEN

‘Is now a good time to talk?’ he’d asked. Actually, no it wasn’t. Netta was quietly battling all kinds of internal emotions, and she could have done with some time alone to process them. It had been talking to Colin earlier. So many surprises had come out of it that had set her mind racing. The first was the realisation that Colin still had feelings for her. She didn’t know why she hadn’t seen it before, but then she’d never been the most observant of people.

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