Page 82 of Forgotten Pieces

I sigh. I know he’s right. I am stretching. Looking for someone to blame for the fuckup that’s my life. “I know, Ry. But sometimes I think that. Okay? It’s shitty and I know it makes me a terrible person but if I had forgotten about my dreams and stayed with you, none of the things that I have been through in the last eight years would have happened.”

“You needed to experience that to find out who you really are.”

I laugh at that. “Who I really am? Look at us Ryder. It’s history repeating itself once again. I’m the stupid girl falling for the guy who is taken.”

He puts his hands on top of his head and leans back to look up at the sky. “Tacoma, I don’t want to be like Cole. I don’t want to put you into a situation where you feel like the other woman.”

“But I am.”

“Not if I end it with her.”

My eyes snap to his just as his meet mine. He is crazy. Why would he do that? Why would he do something like that for me? Who cares if he loved me eight years ago? We are different people now. There is no promise that we could love each other like that again.

We stand in silence staring at each other for a long time. We are both breathing heavily trying to figure out what to say to each other after all our revelations.

But I won’t be that girl again. I won’t get in the way of someone else’s relationship. “You can’t, Ryder. You love her.”

His dark eyes smolder, a deep passion that only comes out in the darkest depths of his eyes. “Not like I loved you.”

“That was the past, Ryder. How do we know if it will ever be the same?” I ask as we step closer to each other.

“We don’t,” he says as his toes meet mine in the damp grass. “But I am willing to find out. Willing to try.”

“You could lose us both.”

“It would be worth it,” he pauses. “It would be worth it if I could feel what it was like to love again. To love you again.”

Tears start to leak down my cheeks. I did not see our conversation going this way. I did not see us going this way. And I don’t know what to do. Do I give him the chance? Maybe that’s all we need. A chance to see if this will work. But my mind keeps going back to when I lost Ryder the first time. The clenching in my heart tells me losing him again will be unbearable.

“I’m not sure if I can do this Ryder.”

He wraps his arms around me and I can’t help but wrap my own around him. My head in his chest inhaling his soap and sandalwood scent.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he tells me.

I don’t answer him and just hold him, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts. He kisses the top of my head and rubs his hands up and down my back. The comfort he brings me is overwhelming and I am not sure I deserve it.

We end up walking back to his house so I can drive him to his car.

The drive is silent. Both of us trying to figure out if this is what we want.

When I pull into the parking lot behind the bar, we both get out of my car. I head toward the staircase up to my apartment and he follows close behind me. I step up onto the first step and turn around so we are eye to eye.

“Is this a dream, Ryder?”

He pushes a lock of hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek. “Only if you want it to be.”

I close my eyes and feel him walk away. “Think about it, Tacoma.”

I walk up my steps and let myself in before collapsing onto the floor.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Tacoma

I pace back and forth in my apartment. I haven’t talked to Ryder since our conversation yesterday. And I think I have made myself go mad. And I might have worn a hole in my carpet.

I have no idea what to do about him. I am at a loss. I have made so many promises to myself about him, about getting involved with someone unavailable, yet here I am wondering if it’s a good idea or not. And after twenty-eight hours of trying to figure it out, I have made zero progress.

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