Page 26 of A Christmas For Holly

KAI: Remember that game against Boston?

I tried to pick out a Boston game that might be relevant, and it hit me—a memory I couldn’t shake. Kai boarded, flat on his back, eyes shut, not moving, and the gut-wrenching fear that froze me in place all over again.

HOLLY: That bad?

KAI: Yep.

HOLLY: Shit.

KAI: And Bailey is ill now. Fuck, I’m so over the flu. No visiting.

HOLLY: Okay. Do you need anything?

KAI: No, it’s all good.

KAI: Shit, I wish I could see you, but I’m fucked right now. Give me a couple of days. Don’t leave town. Promise me, Hols.

I stared at my phone. What did I say? Maybe I wished he was well so I could see him, talk to him, and get his perspectiveon what was next for me. Hell, perhaps I should have hung that wish on the tree.

HOLLY: I’m not leaving. We’ll talk later. Go to sleep!

KAI: Sure. Going back to bed.

I turned in a circle, getting my bearings, knowing that Lucas was probably across the square in The Gift Emporium. With its large front windows decked out in twinkling lights, it was busy with customers, so I couldn’t see him, but yeah, that was where he worked.

My heart did this weird stutter, and I was rooted to the spot for a second. In my head, the order of apology went Kai, Bailey, andthenLucas, but every time I’d seen him, I’d been out of my mind. I wanted to know why he kept sending me messages. I wanted to be serious with him and talk, but the last thing I wanted was another awkward encounter, not when I was still trying to piece together what I was doing here.

He said I needed Christmas in the cabin. I couldn’t face the tree lot, exhausted at the thought of dragging that back up the hill.

Pet shop first.

“Should humans feed chickadees in the winter?” I’d asked the pet store, and boy, did I get an answer from Lily, the owner.

She glanced up, her brow quirking. “Of course you can. It’s a good idea. They burn a ton of energy staying warm, and food can be hard to find when everything’s frozen.”

“So… what do I need?” I asked, eyeing the shelves of birdseed, suet, and feeders behind her.

Lilly grinned. “Depends. How committed are you to being the local chickadee hero?”

I laughed. “Committed enough to keep them alive. Let’s start there.”

Fifteen minutes later, I walked out with not one, but several smaller bags of supplies I could carry in my backpack—black-oil sunflower seeds, a block of suet, a small bag of peanuts, and a fancy little feeder Lilly swore would“keep the squirrels out.”More than enough for one bird. Hell, more than enough for a whole flock of chickadees.

I couldn’t help but shake my head. “You’d better appreciate this,” I muttered to the street and got a funny glance from a passing tourist taking photos of a nativity outside the church. “Way to look sane, Hollister.”

I still wasn’t ready to see Lucas, so I ducked into The Story Lantern across the street from the Haynes family store. I don’t remember a bookstore being here when I visited last time—I was sure it used to be a grocery store or something. But I loved reading, and thankfully, it gave me a convenient hiding place to lurk around near the gift store, and it meant I could stock up on books. They might also sell chargers for my e-reader. The bell above the door jingled as I stepped inside, and warmth wrapped around me, carrying the familiar scent of books and coffee. It was a cozy little place, with rows of wooden shelves crammed with books of all kinds. A fireplace crackled in the corner, and a few people were in scattered armchairs, lost in coffees and books.

“Welcome to The Story Lantern for Pirate Day, ye scallywag!” A pirate with a name badge that readPirate Wesleygreeted me, holding out a basket of golden chocolate coins. My gaze settled on his other badge—a rainbow announcing this was a safe space.

“Argh, Matey!” the man bellowed in an over-the-top pirate accent. “Grab yerself some booty!” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Stops me from devouring the whole treasure meself, savvy?”

“Um… thank you.”

I took one and pocketed it. Then, before he could talk more, I hurried to the aisles until I was hidden from him and alone in my own space, letting the calm atmosphere wash over me. I’ve always been able to lose myself in books, but the usual magic wasn’t working, probably because Lucas wasrightacrossthe road.

Even as I pretend-browsed the shelves, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and how he’d looked at me with frustration. I hated that he’d seen me like that, and I hated to see any reminder of his disappointment and anger again.

I need some time,I told myself, running my fingers over the spines of the books.Some time to figure things out, to get my head straight. I’ll be okay. I have to be.

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