Page 1 of Troy

“He said he loves you?” Nico has a huge grin on his face, “that’s awesome, Troy. What did you say back?”

Hesitating to answer, I watch his smile and I know he’s going to be pissed with me. It’s been a couple of months since Nico and Ryan got hitched and they are fucking contented, I’m so envious; I almost had this, the marriage, the house, the future shining bright, full of possibilities. But it was snatched away, pulled from reach, leaving me bereft. The three of us lounge on the amazing deck, enjoying the evening’s cooler temperature after another scorching day.

Ryan leans forward in his chair and frowns at me, “You did tell him you love him, too? Please tell me you did.”

After briefly looking at him, I drop my gaze to the ground. “I couldn’t, I’m not sure what I feel for him is love.” I mumble and return my eyes to them both.

“You’re a dick, Troy! You look so happy with him. You two are so in tune with each other, it’s great to see you so content.” Nico runs his hands through his hair in frustration.

“I know what true love feels like and this doesn’t feel the same. I’m afraid that, if I tell him how I feel, he will leave and I don’t want him to do that. I just want some time.”

“Troy, look at me.” Nico calls my attention from my wringing hands back to him. “I know what you have had, and what you have lost, but you have to open your heart up again. Stop putting up walls that don’t exist. Franco would be kicking your ass if he could, and you know it. He wanted you to live and love greatly, you have been holding on to a memory for far too long.”

“It’s not that easy, Nico, and you know it. I’m afraid to open myself up to that much hurt again. What if something happens and I have nothing left again? I can’t cope with that, I couldn’t survive another lost love.”

Ryan speaks up, “Troy, you can’t think like that; you are too young to be so fearful of love. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through and I wouldn’t try to belittle how you feel. But trust me; if you keep him on the outskirts of your heart, you could end up losing him anyway. Is that really worth the risk?”

“I don’t know how to let go. It really is that simple, I’m afraid that I will forget Franco and I don’t ever want to do that.” Getting up, I pace to edge of the deck and lean on the railing enclosing us.

“No one expects you to forget him, Troy, especially not your man. Love him, Troy; he deserves your love.”

But I simply shake my head, I know that he isn’t the one: he isn’t my forever man.

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