Page 79 of Friend Zone to End Zone

“Holy heck, Arianna,” she said after I finished telling her about the part where Incognito had walked into the restaurant. “How are you not snatching this guy up right now?”

“Well…” I said, remembering back to this morning at his house.

“Wait?” A mixture of shock and pride formed on her face. “Did you snatch him up? Is this you making it Instagram official?”

“I don’t know. We made out this morning but never made anything official,” I hurried to say. “Does it look like that? I was just feeling really happy today and wanted to brag to the world a little about Cole.”

Would he be weirded out by my posting the photo?

Sure, our morning make-out session had certainly made it seem like we could be headed in that direction, but we hadn’t officially said anything about us dating aside from going on our Chad-revenge date tonight.

“Hold up.” Hannah held a hand up. “Did you just say that you and Cole made out this morning?”

“Maybe…” I blinked my eyes shut for a second and sighed before saying, “It was so amazing, Hannah. Like—” I shook my head slightly, still not really believing any of this was real. “—I’ve tried to tell myself that we were only ever going to be best friends since I was dating Chad, and Chad and I made more sense on paper.”

“I’ll have to disagree with that,” Hannah interrupted with her no-nonsense way. “But continue.” She gestured for me to spill everything.

I shrugged and leaned back against the chair. “I don’t know. He’s kind of amazing and hot and basically checks all the boxes for the perfect guy for me.”

Hannah crossed her arms. “I’m not sensing a problem here.”

“I know.” I looked down at my hands. “I just… There’s just one thing. He wants kids and—“

“And you don’t,” she finished for me, understanding my dilemma.

We were quiet for a few seconds, and then I said. “I don’t want to make him choose between having a family or being with me.”

“And you’re sure you won’t want a family someday?” she asked.

I bit my lip, thinking about it. “It’s complicated.”

But even as I said it, a flash of a vision of Cole and me sitting in his backyard and watching two dark-haired children, a boy and a girl, running around on the grass came to mind.

My heart swelled because it reminded me so much of what I’d always dreamed of as a little girl—to have a dream husband who made me so happy and a family we would create together.

Growing up in Alabama, it was completely normal for people to get married young and start their families right off. During elementary school, when they asked us to write down what we wanted to be when we grew up, I’d always just put in “a mom” since that was what I wanted. I loved playing house with all my dolls. I loved taking care of them and taking them to the grocery store and reading books to them in my bed.

I’d even begged my mom to have another baby when I was about seven years old, since I wanted a little sibling to take care of so badly.

It had just seemed like the idyllic life. My mom hadn’t worked when I was younger, and so I just automatically assumed I’d do the same. Pop out adorable babies and spend my free time cultivating a beautiful home and family life.

But then reality had hit right after high school and I got my first taste of how hard it could be to have a family. And going through childbirth alone since my boyfriend didn’t want anything to do with the baby had been so hard. Visiting Harper in the hospital when she was hooked up to so many wires and tubes, and just worrying so much if she was ever going to learn how to breathe on her own or eat without a tube had been so stressful.

Watching her take her last labored breaths as she slipped from this existence and into the next had nearly broken me.

Theoretically, I knew the chances of having another child with the same issues was so unlikely. The odds were about one in twenty-five. And since I’d already had the one, I could probably count on having the few I did want to come out without any big issues.

Plus, I was older now and took a lot better care of myself than I did back then. I had a much better support system around me, too. So even if the same nightmare happened again, I’d at least have other people to lean on as I went through it.

But…was I really strong enough to take that chance now?

And would Cole even be okay being with someone who was still on the fence about an issue that was so impactful on a relationship?

I didn’t know.

I knew I should probably find out before things went much further. I told Hannah, “I don’t know if the issue has ever really been that I didn’t want a child. I think it was more that I didn’t feel like I could or should have one.”

But I needed to figure it out soon. Because I had a feeling that falling in love with Cole might just be the easiest thing I’d ever done. And if it came down to it and I decided I didn’t want to take the risk, I knew I may never recover from the fallout.

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