Page 66 of The Charade

"We didn't have much," I said, not wanting to go into all the details. "After my mom stopped cleaning houses, she started scavenging the dump for things that she could sell or trade for a little food or money. I went with her a few times when the childcare was full, but on the days they had room, I was able to go there during the day. Those were my favorite days because I actually got rice and beans to eat."

I peeked at Ava to see her reaction, and she had the saddest look in her eyes. She said, "I can't imagine living like that. I'm sorry."

"I didn't really know any different at the time." I shrugged, trying to put off just how hard it had been for my mom and me. "And I was actually luckier than a lot of kids."

Ava shook her head. "But still. It's sad to know that happened and still happens to millions of people all the time."

I sighed and gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "I know what you mean. I always feel a little guilty that I have so much when there are so many people out there with nothing."

"Does your dad still have the orphanage?" Ava asked.

"Yes. He has a few down there now actually, and we're planning to go there over spring break to help build another."

"Really?" Ava's eyes lit up. "That’s so cool! I've always thought it would be nice to do something like that."

I nodded. "I'm looking forward to it. I'll probably try to see if the lady who took care of me at the orphanage is still around, so I can catch up and thank her for taking care of me."

"That's so sweet," Ava said, her eyes moist. Seeing her get emotional about this made tears prick at my own eyes because it was something that was so near and dear to me.

I wanted to say that she should join us on the trip, since it would be cool to experience that with her. But we weren't exactly at that level quite yet, so I stopped the words before they could make it out of my mouth.

I wiped at the corners of my eyes, trying to push away the emotions because I knew I'd need to keep them at bay if I was going to make it through the rest of my story.

"I don't remember a ton from back then because I was so little, but I do remember my fifth birthday." It was impossible to forget since it was both my best and worst memory. "Things hadn't been great for us, and even though my mom always tried to be strong, I could tell she wasn't doing well. She was probably only a few years older than we are now, but she seemed so old to me at the time—like her body had aged several years between my fourth and fifth birthdays."

The long days had been hard on her body, and without the proper nutrition, I now understood that her organs had probably been slowly dying. "Anyway, my birthday came, and my mom surprised me by taking me out for a fun day together instead of taking me to the childcare so she could work at the dump."

I swallowed as I remembered how excited I'd been to have the whole day with my mom since that hadn't been happening very much in the days and weeks before.

"We went to this waterfall at the edge of the city, and I had the best time just playing in the water. I remember my mom letting me eat most of the lunch that she'd brought with her since I was the birthday boy." Which meant that she probably didn't eat anything that day—something my egocentric, five-year-old self hadn't even noticed. "She even had a chocolate cupcake for me to eat, which was something I'd begged and begged her for every time we walked past the bakery window to get to the childcare."

She'd probably saved for a long time to buy the special cupcake for me and gone without. And I knew I'd just been an innocent kid and hadn't wanted to make my mom feel bad about not being able to give me all the things I wanted, but still to this day, I couldn’t eat chocolate cupcakes. They reminded me of how much my desire for them had probably become a burden placed on my mom's shoulders.

"Anyway, we had a really great day together, just my mom and me. We laughed and played and had cake. And that night when my mom sang me to sleep, I remembered going to bed with a smile on my face and just wishing that every day could be like that perfect day."

"But since you don't like celebrating your birthday, I'm guessing something went wrong," Ava asked in a quiet voice, as if she wasn't sure she really wanted to know what happened next. She knew I'd been in an orphanage for three years, so she probably had a good idea of what came the next day.

My mind went back to that time, to that day when my world dropped out from under me and things never went back to being the same no matter how many times I'd prayed that they would.

"I woke up the next morning—and it was just like most mornings in our little makeshift home. My mom always liked to leave first thing so we could get to the childcare early, so as soon as the sun was up, we packed our few belongings into our tattered bags. I held my mom's hand as she guided me through the streets. My mom seemed more on edge than usual, but I just thought it was because she was in a hurry to get to the dump before it got too crowded. She took me to the front door like she always did and gave me a long hug." My voice wobbled a little as I remembered that last hug from mymamá. "Her hug seemed a little different that day, too. I'd been ready to go and play with my friends, not wanting to stand around and hug my mom all day, but she just held onto me a little longer. I thought maybe she just wanted the extra-long hug because we'd had such a good day together the day before and she was going to miss not being with me all day.

“I could still remember how she'd felt. She wasn't quite twice my height—even then I was tall for my age, especially in Guatemala. But as I'd hugged her tiny waist, I noticed just how bone-thin she was. And for the briefest moment I'd thought about how I probably should have given her more of my cupcake."

"Oh Carter…" Ava said, scooting closer and looking like she wanted to hug the five-year-old version of me.

I gave her a faint smile and my eyes pricked with tears again. I drew in a deep breath. After casting Ava a sideways glance, I said, "Anyway, she finally let me go and told me she loved me and that I needed to be a good boy for Señorita Celeste who ran the childcare. I told her I would be abuen niñoand that I'd see her later. Then just before she left, she pulled me off to the side and told me that she'd forgotten to give me my birthday present. I told her I thought the cupcake was my birthday present, but she said she had a special one. And then she took off the gold chain bracelet that I'd never seen her take off and looped it around my wrist."

Ava gasped, her eyes lighting up as she reached for my right arm where my gold bracelet rested. "Is that why you wear this bracelet all the time?" she asked, running her index finger along the thin metal. "I’ve always wondered why you wore a woman's bracelet."

"Yes," I said. "This was hers."

"Was her name Astrid?" Ava asked, pointing to the name inscribed on it.

I nodded. "It was. Astrid Garcia Díaz."

"That's such a pretty name."

"I think so, too."

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