Page 77 of Born Free

I should have lost Roman today. Sebastian made the biggest gamble today with my heart.

If I lost Roman…

I should have had my last breath today.

I don’t still love Sebastian, not in the way I once did. He did horrible, terrible things. He broke my heart.

So why does it feel like a part of me just died and stayed dead?

I suck in a breath, the noise alarmingly ragged and violent in its sound. My shoulders heave as I try to breathe but can’t seem to.

I’m breaking. I’m shattering.

The memory of the look on Sebastian’s face, knowing what he was about to do, and the flash of the stake driving down into his heart keeps replaying behind my eyelids, over and over. That panic I felt in that cornfield as I searched for Roman saturates my soul. And that emptiness of real death settles into the pit of my stomach.

My forehead rests against the tile, and the tears wreck me.

I’ve gotten used to no rules when it came to me and death. Maybe I was too arrogant. Everyone respects death. But I’ve overcome it again and again.

I forgot that death is very, very real.

My cries reverberate around the shower, a cacophony of grief and pain.

I don’t startle when the door to the shower is pulled open. My eyes don’t even open when a warm hand peels me off the wall, and then a strong body wraps around me, holding me upright, safe and protected. And we simply exist. Two souls now bound as one, feeling the same terror aftereffects. I feel Roman’s emotions there in my chest as clearly as I feel my own.

Today broke something in him. Seeing me lay there, dead, for hours. Roman was making plans. Dark ones with an end. There were no days beyond this one, no days without me.

That grief tightens my arms around him. I don’t think I can ever let go.

The water eventually runs cold.

With a tenderness that’s rarely seen, Roman wraps me in a towel and then himself. And without questions, he scoops me up into his arms. He carries me out into the bedroom, climbs into the bed with me, and tenderly curls me up into his embrace.

He presses his nose into the top of my head, into my wet hair. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t question. He allows me to trudge through my grief.

Emotions are tricky. Relationships are complicated. And throwing them together into a blender can create some truly messy results.

“Sebastian was talking kind of crazy right before Orlando came to kill me,” I say hoarsely. “About making things right. About him feeling his old compulsions coming back. He said he had to do what was best for me.”

The words feel like tar in the back of my mouth. They’re nearly impossible to work around. They’re difficult to form and put into coherent, understandable vocalizations.

“He knew what he was doing,” I say, tucking myself into Roman’s chest just a little tighter. “He timed it so I couldn’t do anything to stop him. And after you were dead, he said ‘Choose Roman.’ He knew I was there, watching, listening. I didn’t know my gift only goes to a certain time limit. But somehow, I think Sebastian did. By the time you brought me back, it was too late. I couldn’t save you both.”

Roman runs a hand down the back of my head, pressing his lips to my forehead.

I squeeze my eyes closed, and it forces four new fresh tears out onto my cheeks. “I hated him. I was so damn angry. But no one is beyond saving. I never wanted him dead.”

“I know,” Roman says, and he does know. He did know. Even when I had such vile thoughts about Sebastian, Roman still knew that I never wanted to see him dead.

My arms wrap around Roman, and I pull myself to him. I press my forehead to his chest, and I silently weep.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

When I wake,my eyes slide open to see Roman staring at the ceiling. I might have fallen asleep, but it’s obvious Roman didn’t sleep for even one minute. His thoughts are running across the ceiling, dark shadows no one could ever catch or tame.

“Sebastian was right, and I was an idiot for not seeing it,” he says, knowing immediately that I’m awake. “Orlando was never going to leave Chicago with me here.”

I trace my fingers over his chest, wishing for this day to be over already, and I just woke up.

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