Page 73 of Midnight Surrounds Us

When she showed up, Roxi didn’t say a word. She had a to-go cup from Coffee Shot in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. She held the whiskey out to me, but I shook my head, and she thrust the coffee into my hand.

“Tell me,” she said.

I’d hidden behind the checkout counter, butt aching on the cold, hard floor, and Roxi lowered herself beside me. Cradling the coffee in my hands between my legs, I leaned my head on her shoulder, and the waterworks started up again.

She tsked. “See, this is what happens when we don’t talk every day.”

“He’s gone.”

“Rye? Where’d he go?”

Sniffling, I swiped my arm under my nose. “Oregon. He’s comin’ back, but he says he loves me, and he wants me to forget about everything else in my life to be with him.”

“Really? He said that?”

“Well, no, but that’s what it all boils down to.”

“I admit,” Roxi said, “I don’t know Rye well, but are you sure you aren’t blowin’ things a little out of proportion? I can’t imagine he’d want you to forget about your boys and your store. He did pay five grand so you could keep it.”

I felt hysteria creeping up on me. “Of course I’m blowin’ things out of proportion! I’m in love with him and I’m scared to death.”

Oh God. Here it comes.The heart attack I should’ve had weeks ago was surely only seconds away. Damn that cowboy. He broke my life. He changed my body, my heart, and my mind.

He made me love him.

The bell on the front door jingled, and Roxi called out, “We’re back here.”

Daisy’s face appeared around the counter, and then she sat in front of me and crisscrossed her legs. “Hi.”

To Daisy, I replied, “Hi.” But to Roxi, I said, “We really need to have a conversation about privacy. I’m not sure you’re gettin’ the basic principle.”

Daisy laughed. “Roxi called me because I know a thing or two about your situation. José is ten years younger than me, and in case you aren’t aware, I havefiveboys who are all pretty macho and who think their mama shouldn’t have sex with anyone. They may be a few years older than yours, but they’re still little boys in their hearts.”

“Oh.”

She was right. I’d heard all the gossip around town after she and José had started dating, and when they got married a few years ago, her boys, the five Cade brothers, were all awkwardand bristly at Daisy’s wedding. Horse ranchers were just as bad as cowboys. Too bad my boys didn’t even have the excuse of machismo to fall back on.

But Rye had never acted like that with me. He was as open and positive as the sun shining after a storm.

“Let me catch you up, Daisy,” Roxi said. “If I know my best friend, and Iknowmy best friend, she’s freakin’ out ’cause she just realized she loves Rye Graves, and now she doesn’t know what to do because she let him walk away.”

Daisy smiled softly and sighed, and she held my hand. “Listen, this is the hard part. Deciding to let yourself fall in love isn’t easy, not at our age. We’re not teenagers anymore, and whether our boys are fifteen or fifty, the choices we make affect them and will be judged by them. They love us, and they want us to be happy; they just don’t want to know about what—or who—makes us happy.” She squeezed my hand between both of hers. “The question is: can youletyourself be happy?”

“I spent so long being a doormat. I don’t wanna be that to Rye.”

“Are you afraid that if you love him, he’ll change?” Roxi asked.

I nodded. “Or I will.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been feelin’ this way?” Roxi asked, sounding a little hurt. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I’m sorry, Roxi. I do trust you, but it’s just that I’m so used to bein’ alone. I thought I could figure this out on my own, and I thought if I said what I was feelin’ out loud—to you—then it would become real. I wasn’t ready for real.”

“Aubs, you can tell me anything, okay? You can tell me when you’re afraid. That’s the whole point of bein’ best friends. We can be scared together.”

“Okay,” I said, finally ready to lay it all on the line. “Here it is. The second the boys got home, I became Tommy’s wife again.My needs didn’t matter anymore, and I let them walk all over me. What if… What if that’s who I really am inside? What if I’mnotthe woman Rye wants me to be and I let him walk all over me too? I don’t wanna be that person anymore.”

There was a little steel and ice in Roxi’s voice. “My best friend can be whoever she wants to be. Ain’t no man gonna control her. She’s a goddamn motherfuckin’ queen.”

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