Page 22 of My Starry Valentine

Clearing my throat and swallowing hard, I grumble, “Let me get your snow chains on before you run out of time.”

She looks away with a sharp sigh, walking back toward my Jeep and getting inside. I have it running with the air blowing expressly for this purpose.

I install chains I find in the trunk of her vehicle, forcing myself to remain resolute. But every move I make feels distant, out-of-body, and surreal. A voice in my head chides me for my stupidity, warning me about the floods of regret to come. I don’t know another way to make her happy, and I need her to be happy more than I need to breathe. Not just for today but for the rest of her life.

I pack her vehicle, urging her to stay warm in the Jeep, putting extra pizza, snacks, and drinks for the road in the passenger seat where she can easily reach them. I also place a small box of Valentine’s Sweethearts candies with saccharine messages near the food stash. Chuck gave then to me after ice climbing as a gag gift. I never thought I’d find a recipient for them, let alone use them to inadequately express my deep need for the woman I’m letting go. Then, I order her to follow the Jeep down to Ouray and the road out of town, which traffic reports confirm is clear.

We stop in the parking lot of the Visitor’s Center by the hot springs, and I realize I can no longer put off the inevitable. Myheart feels ripped from my chest as I look at her now, trying to put all I feel for her into my gaze.

“Thank you for saving me from freezing to death in a blizzard,” the brunette beauty says, her mahogany eyes welling with tears even as she works hard to smile.

I step forward, palming her warm, pink cheeks tenderly. “Actually, you’re the one who saved me. Don’t ever forget it.” Tears spill over her lower eyelashes, and I wish everything about this situation were different.

She swallows hard. “Can I call or text you sometime? I don’t even have your satellite phone…although Naomi does.”

I shake my head, dropping my hand from her cheek and looking down. “It’s better to leave things the way they are. But I wish you and Naomi the best.”

She frowns, looking away. “Why do you have to be this way?”

“What way?”

“So stubborn…”

“What do you mean?”

She ventures, still looking away, “I’m waiting for you to say what people always say during goodbyes. Whether or not they mean it.”

“And what’s that?” I ask, rubbing the place over my heart.

“If you’re ever in Ouray, look me up…”

I grimace, trying not to make this any more painful than it needs to be. Luna has to move on without any delusions about a guy like me. I erased Naomi’s number from my satellite phone this morning for this very reason. Once the loneliness sets back in, I’m afraid I’ll be too tempted to reach out to her again, keeping her from moving on. I have to be firm and unyielding about this. Still, I can’t deny the beauty before me, so I say begrudgingly, “That goes without saying.”

“Alright then. Hey, maybe I’ll see you in Great Basin National Park this summer?” She turns to face me again, her cheeks moist and her eyes red.

“You never know.” I nod. I can’t help myself as I lean down one more time, grabbing the flaps of her coat’s collar and drawing her towards me for a kiss. My lips linger over hers for a long time, savoring her sweet taste and tender warmth. I sweep into her mouth with my tongue, claiming her with some of the pent-up passion driving me insane, and her body melts against me.

An approaching snowmobile motor pulls me back to reality, and I step back breathlessly. Anger flashes inside me at the poor timing.

“Ledger, is that you?” A man yells, and I instantly recognize Chuck’s voice. I managed to catch him heading from town back to his place a couple of blocks down the road. Talk about poor timing.

“Yep, it’s me, Chuck,” I shrug, feeling as busted as a teen in a parked car. He’ll be blowing up my cell phone before I know it, looking for an explanation for what he witnessed. But I barely care, waving him off as I relish my final moments with Luna.

Luna raises a questioning eyebrow.

I explain, “That’s my ice-climbing buddy and best friend, Chuck.” Palming her flushed cheek and taking one last look, I try to commit everything about her to memory. “Drive carefully, Snoop. The roads are going to be icy.”

Her eyes beg me for things I can’t give her. I have to go. Without hesitation, I turn away, striding to my Jeep, jumping inside, and driving away. I don’t look in the rearview mirror because I’m at the end of my willpower’s tether, already contemplating going back to claim her.

On the drive home, the isolation of my former life barely has a chance to crash back down around me before my cell phonestarts vibrating. Chuck. I ignore the first two calls, but by the third one, I know I have to say something if I’m ever going to get the guy off my back. I reluctantly pick up. “Yep.”

“Sorry to rudely interrupt you and your lady friend,” he apologizes with thinly veiled curiosity in his voice.

“It’s fine. We were saying goodbye.”

Silence.

Finally, Chuck asks, “Umm…are you going to fill me in on what’s going on? And who Ms. Gorgeous is?”

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