Page 21 of My Starry Valentine

“It has stunning night skies. It’s one of my favorite national parks for nighttime viewing.”

“Is it? I’ll have to check it out.” He whispers the words as his lips graze over my collarbone again, and his fingers thread into my hair, caressing my tresses. I close my eyes, reveling in his sensual touch.

“I love it. I spent last spring living and working in Baker, and I’m trying for an artist-in-residency post there this coming summer.”

“That’s an impressive goal, Luna.”

“Well, we’ll see what happens…”

Pressing his lips against the shell of my ear, he says quietly, “I may not know you that well yet, but I do know you’re the kind of woman who gets what she puts her mind to. So, I’d wager Great Basin is on your horizon for summer.”

“Would you meet me there?”

“We’ll see.” He shrugs. “National parks are tough for me, you know. Lots of people…”

I nod, trying to ignore my sinking heart. Silence engulfs us again as Ledger’s reality finally hits me. Outside of a trusted handful of people in Ouray, he really is hiding from life.

“So, why is this your first love?” I ask, turning my head slightly to snuggle against his face, feeling the smoothness of his wounded cheek against mine. I stiffen, wondering if this is a miscalculation. Closing my eyes tightly, I wait for his anger to hit me. Instead, he holds me patiently, letting me touch his most vulnerable side. Despite the innocence of the interaction, I have never experienced greater intimacy as he gives me access to the parts of himself he hides from the entire world.

Ledger’s deep voice breaks the silence. “My grandpa used to bring me up here to his little makeshift observatory to scope out the stars and record what we saw. It looked a lot different back then because I’ve done a lot of upgrades. But he introduced me to chasing comets, observing planets, and dreaming of bigger and better ways to map out and learn about our galaxy. Which is where this thing comes in handy,” he says, nodding towards the telescope in the middle of the room. “I’m an astronomical observer, and I teach remote classes at the University of Boulder in astronomy. I’ve also spent the last couple of years working with some postdoctoral students on a new computer model to generate the most accurate maps of our galaxy to date. In the process, I’ve identified and named a handful of stars and comets.”

“You do all of this?” I ask, arching my eyebrows. Suddenly, I feel small and intimidated. After all, I’m just a hairdresser with art ambitions on the side.

“Yes, I was an astronomy major before I was a Marine. Are you ready to do some nighttime observing with me, Snoop?”

“I would love to,” I reply quietly. His arms loosen around me, and I rue the loneliness that engulfs me. But I also welcome the change of pace, no longer wanting to focus on the bittersweetness of our coming goodbye.

Chapter Twelve

LEDGER

Luna and I spend the night exploring the show in the heavens. The clearness of the bone-cold darkness makes scoping out the sky’s most impressive constellations, planets, and stars possible. By the time she grows drowsy and her breathing soft and relaxed under the heap of blankets on the observatory floor, I can barely keep my eyes open. Closing the dome is the last thing I remember.

A few hours later, I awaken with a start to vibrating in my pocket. I lie on the floor next to my sleeping guest, my arms wrapped tightly around her. My left arm is numb, pinned beneath her sleeping body, and it takes me a moment to retrieve my phone, realizing the vibration comes from the alarm I set.

That’s right. I have a pre-dawn date with the tractor. Talk about lousy planning, especially when I could stay here, warm and snuggled against my dream girl.

Hitting the snooze button for fifteen more minutes, I snuggle back into my drowsy companion, desperate to remember the feel of her soft body forever. I don’t know how I’ll let her go. Or try to live without her.

Inner turmoil guts me as a thousand selfish possibilities play out in my mind, alluring and compelling but wrong. Completelywrong. Luna deserves better, and I will be the man to give it to her, my last and greatest display of selfless love. One I fear she’ll never understand, which breeds a bittersweet anguish.

All too soon, the phone vibrates again. This time, I fall back on my military discipline and training, stirring gently so that the woman in my arms can sleep while I work.

Kissing her cheek, I stare at her long and hard, whispering, “I love you, Luna Solace, and I always will.”

The frigid air of the darkened morning revitalizes me, fortifying my determination to do the right thing by the stunning woman nestled upstairs in the observatory. She deserves the best of everything this world has to offer. And that includes a man she doesn’t have to feel ashamed of the world knowing about or seeing.

I may be cursed infinitely to this half-life existence, but she doesn’t have to be. And no matter how sweet, loving, or self-sacrificing her natural tendencies are, I can’t let her ruin her life with me.

After clearing my driveway and feeding her breakfast, I load Luna’s belongings into my Jeep. Slowly, we make our way to where she left her vehicle. It takes about fifteen minutes to locate, thanks to deep snow, but once I do, I use the winch on the front of my Jeep to pull her car from the ditch.

After examining it carefully for damage and drivability, I say, “Fortunately, you got off lucky without any damage.” She nods, looking down at her feet. “And the weather’s cleared enough to get you to Montrose before the next storm this evening.”

She continues looking down, her shoulders hunched. Every part of my being longs to draw her into my arms and hold her,declare my feelings for her and greedily claim her as my own. But I love her too much to resign her to my fate.

“Have you ever felt like meeting someone changed the whole trajectory of your life?” she whispers almost inaudibly.

My chest aches at her words, and I nod, looking away, too dangerously close to tears to answer because I refuse to change her whole life. No matter what. She’s too young, beautiful, and talented to let me monopolize her future.

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