Page 84 of Devotion

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s going to be really tight.”

“I can do it.” I’m not nearly as confident as I make myself sound. I hate the thought of being trapped in a small, dark space for who knows how long. But I’m the one who asked to come, and this situation is far too dangerous for me to put up any sort of fuss about fear or discomfort. “Don’t worry about me.”

He slants me another quick look. “I do worry about you. I wish I hadn’t had to drag you into this.”

“Our futures were entwined from the moment you chose me from the selection group.” I rub up and down the length of his firm thigh over the soft fabric of his trousers. “There’s no other choice anymore.”

“Yeah.” He takes a weird little breath. “Are you angry with me?”

“What? No! Of course not.”

He keeps one hand on the steering wheel, driving carefully although we’re the only ones out on the road at this time of night. He uses his other to gently turn my head to face him. “You wanted me to just play along. That’s what you asked me to do. You would have been safer that way.”

“I wanted you to play along foryoursafety. Not for mine. But you’re right. That would have been wrong. You’re doing the better thing now. I’m… I’m…” I lose my nerve and can’t finish the sentence.

Gabriel has looked back at the road, but he checks my face quickly. “You’re what?” When I don’t answer, he says, “Tell me.”

“I’m proud of you.”

He doesn’t answer, but his features work just slightly, the emotional tension pushed to the edge before he gets it back under control.

“I’m scared,” I admit after a minute. “Really scared. But I’m not angry.”

He inhales sharply and then lets it out with a slow, raspy sound. “I’m not going to let you get hurt. I made this decision assuming it was only me who’d be put in danger. My hardest sacrifice would be leaving you behind. I should have realized… But I’ll get you safely to your family in Saint Louis no matter what. After that it won’t matter as much what happens to me.”

I choke on outrage. “Yes, it will matter! It matters tome.”

His expression softens. He reaches over, fumbling until he can find and squeeze my hand. “Thank you, baby. Things might look different for you once you’re away from the palace and the Capital. Let’s just try to get there safe, and then we’ll figure everything else out.”

I don’t like his response, but I also don’t know how to argue with it. We drive in silence for the rest of the way through the city until we’re close to the east gate.

He turns off the road and then backs the vehicle into a narrow alley where it won’t be seen. We both get out and move to the back.

Gabriel opens the trunk. It’s deeper than it looks from outside, but it’s still very small. I’m an average-size woman. It’s going to be tight.

“Shit,” he breathes, staring into the small space.

“It will be fine,” I tell him, forcing down a surge of panic so he won’t be able to hear it in my voice. “Can you help me in?”

He hefts me up and eases me into the trunk, feet first. I fold my legs and then move them toward the back of the compartment since that seems preferable to putting my head back there. I have to lie on my side and curl into the fetal position to fit.

It’s going to be terrible when Gabriel closes me in. I’ve never been enclosed in a small space like this, and it’s scarier than I thought it would be.

“I can’t shut you in here,” he says hoarsely, staring down at me. “It’s too small.”

“No, it’s not. It’s good it’s small. It won’t cross their minds that someone is stowing away back here. You’ve got to do it, Gabriel. Close the trunk. We can’t waste any time. We’ve got to get as far away from here as we can before they realize we’re gone.”

I sound mostly matter-of-fact with only a couple of small wobbles in my words. I’m not sure how I manage it because everything inside me is screaming in fear and protest at being closed into this tiny, dark space.

“Okay.” He runs his fingers gently along my cheekbone. “I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can, but it’s going to be more thana few minutes. We’ve got to get through the gate and then get far enough away from the wall to stop without anyone seeing.”

“I know. Close it. Close it now.”

He does, leaving me in complete darkness. A wave of intense fear crashes into me. I’m trapped. Completely trapped. I can’t move. Not even a full inch in any direction. Am I even going to be able to breathe?

“Are you okay, baby?” His voice is muffled through the lid of the trunk.

“I’m fine. Just get going!”

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