Page 95 of Devotion

I go through the day in a dull, achy daze, too numb and exhausted to even cry. By late afternoon, I’ve been collapsed on the sofa for hours, unable to make myself move, and my mother finally suggests that I take a walk with my sister. Some fresh air will be good for me, and I’ll feel more like myself soon.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like myself again, but I do as she suggests. Carrie and I wander around the neighborhood. A few people greet her and give me curious looks. There’s nothing about my appearance now that indicates I’ve lived at the presidential palace in the Central Cities. I’ve rebraided my hair and am wearing regular street clothes, so the looks are probably because they’ve not seen me before. Maybe they’re simply wondering who I am.

We reach a small park. It’s cute and well-tended, and it’s obviously a place where folks in the area bring their children and their pets. While Carrie runs over to talk to a girl her age she knows, I sit on a bench and try to clear my mind.

Remember who I am and how I felt before I knew Gabriel.

I can’t even remember.

A woman sits down beside me before I know she’s there. “All is well at home with your family?”

I blink. Annabelle. Her big blue eyes are scanning me sharply. “Yes. Everything is fine. What are you doing here?”

“We haven’t left the city yet. Had some business to do. I wanted to check on you before we leave.”

“I’m fine. Gabriel hasn’t shown up to snatch me up and carry me away to his evil dungeon if that’s what you’re afraid of.” My tone is slightly bitter despite the way Annabelle helped us escape.

She judged Gabriel, and it feels like partly her fault I’m not with him now.

She arches her eyebrows. “Is that fair?”

“Maybe not. I don’t know.”

“I’ve met a lot of young women in your position. And most of the time they don’t understand how trapped they are until they’re freed from their man.”

“I understand that. But our relationship wasn’t like that. I don’t feel free now. I feel…”

“Lost?”

I shake my head. “Like half of me is gone.”

“That will pass.”

“Haven’t you ever been in love?” The question is half query and half accusation. If I had more energy right now, I’d be angry with her.

“No,” she tells me without hesitation. “But I have been under the thumb of a man who believed it was his right to use me for his own purposes. It’s best not to confuse the two things.”

“I haven’t confused anything.”

She peers at me for a long time, then gives a slight nod. “Maybe not. I will give you this. Your man is trying to do the right thing by you.”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s leaving. He’s spent all day preparing for a long trip. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s gone before the sun goes down today.”

My throat tightens so dramatically I can’t breathe for a few seconds. “How do you know?”

“Because we’ve been watching him. Making sure we didn’t make a mistake in getting him across the border.”

“You’ve got the Arsenal plans, don’t you?”

“Yes, but we have to be careful about trusting them. This whole thing could be a trap.”

I hadn’t thought about that before, but I can understand her suspicions. “It’s not a trap.”

“I believe that now. Your behavior as well as his bears that out.”

“So he’s leaving?”

---