Page 103 of A Better Place

“Beautiful, relax. We got this.”

“What does that mean, ‘We got this?’” I mimic his voice, stand up, not allowing him to keep me by him any longer. My voice is raising, and my heart feels like it could explode. The need to escape, to flee from our home again is clawing its way back in.

James stands up and halts my pacing, wrapping me up in his strong arms. After a moment of fighting against him, I take a deep breath, inhaling his comforting scent.

“Beautiful. You think I would ever let anything happen to you? To Jack? You’re mine. You both are. You get that? I protect what’s mine. You two are safe. I promise you. All I know going forward is that Will, Tate, and I… we have a plan. A just-in-case plan that you know about, yeah? They’re keeping an eye on Jack. But we…” He gestures between the two of us with his other hand. “…need to talk to Jack and get a plan together with him. Make sure he knows everything. I want a safe word you guys can text me if you see anything funky, anything at all. I want to know if you fart crossways, and it makes you panic,” he jokes, obviously trying to lighten my mood.

It doesn’t work. I don’t relax in his arms, my body remaining stiff and rigid.

“But… is he…”

“He’s not getting Jack, baby. He’s not getting to you. I’m not going to lie. I have no idea where he is. But, I promise you, with all that I have in me, he’ll never get you or Jack. You’re mine, remember? I’m a selfish son of a bitch. I keep what’s mine safe. Forever. I’ll sleep in my car outside your house every night if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe.”

I believe him. With all my heart. His words allow me to relax in his hold. I also know now, more than ever before, that he needs to know the truth.

I roll my lips together and look into his eyes. I sit down and he follows, my left leg bent, knee touching the back of the couch and tucked under my right leg. “Vince? He…” I shake my head, trying to not let the memory of what a son of a bitch he was take over. “…he isn’t a good man. When we first started dating, even before we got married, he was incredible. Kind, giving, loving. But before I knew what happened, it was like something in him shifted. Everything about him flip-flopped. He was the complete opposite. A Jekyll and Hyde. Then I got pregnant with Jack, and it suddenly shifted back. He was so excited to be having a son. A boy to carry on his name. He dove head-first into all things fatherhood. I was so happy to be pregnant that I turned a blind eye to everything that happened before. Vince was a master manipulator. He changed back to who I had fallen in love with so rapidly that he made me believe it was all in my head.

“Then we had our son, and he became our everything. But shortly after Jack’s first birthday, the nightmare that I thought I had completely made up in my mind, returned. And it returned in full force. Once again, my life turned upside down. I’ve told you about my parents. My mom is an alcoholic and hasn’t been around since the day I went to college. And my dad died – or at least that’s what I’ve always been told. I’ve always wondered if Mom just never knew who my father was. So, as stupid an excuse as it is, I didn’t have anyone teaching me what a real marriage was like. I had no idea what to expect and was too embarrassed to ask any of my married friends.

“So I became a recluse, basically. Aside from when I was teaching, I was home with Jack. Or at the park, or getting groceries… you know what I mean. My life was work, caring for Jack, and doing my best to avoid Vince’s violent mood swings at all costs. Trying to keep Jack away from it. I didn’t want him to see it, you know?” I wipe the tears that are leaking from my eyes, angry that he’s gotten to me once again.

James nods his head as he rubs up and down my back, his other hand resting on my thigh. He squeezes once, and I lean down for a kiss. When I lift my face from his, I watch as his tongue sneaks out, licking his bottom lip, tasting me, and it takes everything in me not to push for more, but I know I’m not done.

“And… there were others. Women, I mean. I have no idea how many. And honestly, I’m not sure if they were relationships or paid for.” I wince, but James doesn’t even flinch. “He wasn’t really even trying to hide it. I took care of paying our bills so I would see what he charged on the credit card. It was almost as if he wanted to be caught. Wanted me to say something. And maybe I should have. I just didn’t want to poke the bear, ya know? He and I were far from intimate with each other at that point, and if he was having sex with some other woman, it would keep him away from me. I found myself almost grateful. How sick is that?”

“Not sick, baby. And I gotta say kind of makes me grateful that you weren’t with him very recently. So, what changed? What brought you to me?”

What brought me to him?

Am I ready to tell this part of the story?

I told him the easier part, the part I think he already knew, and he didn’t react.

“Well, until about three years ago, Vince kept his anger to words.”

“What happened three years ago?” His voice takes on a hard edge.

I shake my head and shrug my shoulders, sadness washing over me like a wave. “I honestly don’t know. He was mad at me for something, I don’t know what. It never mattered. He would pick a fight over anything and nothing. It didn’t make a difference what I did or didn’t do. He would always find a way to sling his anger toward me. But never Jack. I don’t know if he did it on purpose. My guess is he did. But Jack never saw it. I think he probably wondered, but he never said anything.”

“Carly, baby,” he says in a voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. “I think he knew. He’s mentioned a few things, but I’ve never pushed. I know this is yours to tell.”

I nod my head. “I was afraid of that.”

“He knew you would shield him from it, though.”

“Yeah,” I say and pause, trying to gather my thoughts. “The last day Jack and I were in our home in Arizona, Vince came home from work angry at the world. No explanation why. Though, that’s not really that odd. He never needed an explanation. And I still don’t know why I chose that day to stand up for myself. But he threatened me with Jack, and I was done.”

“Mama bear,” he murmurs and my stomach does that familiar flip.

I reach over and pull his hand into mine, needing to feel his strength for what I’m about to tell him. Hoping that it will calm him the same way his touch calms me. “Yeah. All that time I was afraid of poking the bear, but turns out, I was the bear he needed not poke.” I laugh quietly to myself, though none of this is funny. I take a deep breath and lick my lips. “Anyway, he turned violent. Hurting me with his words wasn’t enough for him anymore. He slapped me then tried choking me, and finally ended up throwing me across the room. I barely missed hitting my head on the brick surround the fireplace. And… Jack saw it all.”

“Son of a bitch!” he cries and stands up, gently — but abruptly — placing me on my feet.

He turns and faces me when I whisper his name.

“I’m sorry.” He rests his hands on his hips and takes a deep breath in through his nose and out again. “I knew it. I hoped I didn’t know, but I did. Dammit!” He shouts and stomps around the room angrily again. I allow him the time he needs.

When he’s regained his composure, calming himself back down again, he walks us back over to the couch, sitting us so I’m on his lap. He kisses me softly on my lips and cups my face with one of his hands, rubbing a thumb along my jaw. “What happened next?”

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