Page 40 of A Better Place

How he knows I’m standing here fidgeting and worried about how I look is a wonder, but I’m finding that somehow James knows me almost better than I know myself.

I blow out a breath and hold my head up high, hoping it will give me some inner-strength, and open the door. James stands before me in pair of black joggers, a dark hoodie, and his signature baseball cap. He shouldn’t look hot. He does.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says when he sees me, a smile lighting up his face.

“Hi. What are you doing here? I thought we were going to watch Shameless in a few days?” We had a few dates watching it over the phone but never together in person. Two nights ago, in a moment of pure courage, I asked him to come over to binge watch some episodes together, but I needed the time before I was actually ready.

“I’m not allowed to stop over?” He pouts.

“Oh stop.” I reach out to nudge him in the shoulder, and he fake-stumbles back, giving me a wide-eyed look that makes me laugh.

He smiles and steps closer. “Jack. He called me today. Wondered if I could stop by. He had some things he wanted to talk to me about.”

I falter and look at him, confusion coursing through me. “He did?”

“You didn’t know I was coming over?”

“No, obviously.” I gesture to my clothes then flip the ends of my damp hair with one of my hands.

“Still doesn’t change it.”

“Change what?”

“How beautiful you are.”

“James…”

He lifts his hands up. “Hey, friends can tell friends they’re beautiful, right?”

“I suppose.” I sigh. His words and all-around personality are puncturing more holes in my well-built walls every day, threatening to crumble them down to dust. I want to keep hearing those words, but I also don’t want to keep hearing them. I feel like I’m stuck in between two places, my heart being pulled in two different directions like an intense game of tug-of-war. I don’t know how to move on from my past, but I also don’t want it to continue to hinder me from having a future.

“Can I come in?” he asks, still standing on my front porch under the soft glow of the porch light.

“Oh! Yeah. Of course. Let me just let Jack know you’re here,” I say over my shoulder as I make my way back into the house.

“Wait. Can I talk to you? Just for a quick second?” he asks, reaching out and touching my hand and stopping me.

“Sure.” I nod my head. “What about?” I ask as I lean against the back of the couch in the living room. I reach over and grab one of the cream-colored throw pillows and hug it to my chest. It gives me a sense of comfort, and stops me from fidgeting — or reaching out and tugging him close to kiss the crap out of him. That might not give him the right idea for just staying friends.

“I have a favor to ask,” he hedges but hastily continues, “and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t really important, and it’s a strictly friendship favor. I promise.”

“James. I know I’ve been a little… determined to keep it in the friend-zone, and you’ve never crossed the line. I can’t tell you how much your patience means to me. I trust you. I promise.”

“Yeah? I’m not being too pushy?”

“No.”

“Okay. Good. That’s good. I would never want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

There’s not a single molecule in my body that doesn’t believe that. “I know. And you haven’t.”

“Would you go to a wedding with me?” he blurts out.

“What?!” I ask, surprise evident in my voice.

“I’m sorry. I just kind of blurted that out, huh? Let me start over. My niece, Emily, is getting married a few weeks after Christmas. It’s only about two hours from here, but I wondered if you would be my plus-one? And I’d love for you to meet Lily, and she’s been so swamped lately that she hasn’t had a chance to spend much time here. I guess she’ll be here for Christmas, so maybe you can meet then, but yeah. And, Tess will be there, obviously, so you would know someone.”

“I don’t know, James. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m honored that you invited me, or thought of me…”

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