Page 37 of Waiting for Her

“I’m no saint, Bri.”

A humorless laugh bursts from my throat. “Coulda fooled me.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t take this wrong but, you’ve not been around me for a while.”

“Unless you left your soulmate behind, made him feel like his love wasn’t worth it, spiraled out of control after your mom held your hand when you miscarried a baby, a baby who would have been a symbol of the love you know could have never been matched with another person, then I’m not sure your mistakes come close to mine.”

Shit. Ohhhh shit. I didn’t mean to say that. Not over the phone, anyway. What the hell is wrong with me? I had a plan. A plan that did not include a phone conversation but rather discussing it in person. He also made it perfectly clear we weren’t using this time over the phone to get into too much. It’s what he deserves and by the silence I’m met with on the other end of the phone, I’m pretty sure he agrees.

He’s silent for so long I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure the call wasn’t dropped.

“What did you just say?” His voice is quiet, low.

Fresh hot tears hit my cheeks again. Apparently, it’s all I do anymore.

Cry.

I sniff and lay my cheek against my knees and admit something I know I should have told him years ago. “Shit, Grady. I didn’t mean to discuss this over the phone. I wanted to tell you in person. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t believe this, Bri! What the actual hell? You didn’t think I deserved to know… oh gee, before tonight? Over the phone?”

“I’m sorry! I promise I planned to tell you.”

“It was six fucking years ago, Bri! Six! Do you know how I spent the last six years? It wasn’t keeping secrets from you. Every morning I would wake up wondering if it was the day you’d finally reach out and every single night I’d go to bed disappointed. And now… now I find out you kept something like this from me?”

“I’m sorry. I know. It was wrong. I should have…”

“You’re damned right you should have.” He whispers out a curse word and then, “I apologize. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“Don’t. Yell if you need to. Trust me, I reacted far worse.”

“Shoulda been there,” he grunts.

“I’m so incredibly sorry, Grady,” I whisper.

He sniffs, taking a deep breath in at the same time. When he speaks, his voice is full of heartbreak and sadness. “Why are you sorry? For not telling me?”

“Well, yes, but also for it happening.”

“Was it your fault?” he asks, the calm suddenly hitting after the storm.

The question of the century. “I’ll never know.”

“I’m not an expert, but I can’t imagine a scenario where you caused it to happen.”

“I wasn’t… well, I wasn’t taking care of myself after we...”

“Wasn’t your fault,” he says softly, interrupting what I was about to say.

There’s no way to know why I—we—lost the baby. I found out I was pregnant about a week after I broke things off with Grady. I tried what felt like a thousand times to reach out to him, but my body wouldn’t catch up with my head. I knew I should have told him. My biggest regret is that I never did. If I had, maybe things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn’t have been too heartbroken to carry a child if we were together again. Maybe nothing would have stopped the inevitable from happening. I’ll never know. “Are you, um, are you okay?”

“No.” Always honest. I don’t think he’s ever lied to me, aside from trying to hide the fact that he wanted me as more than a friend when we were in high school. Not really a lie, though.

I blow out a breath. “Yeah, me neither.”

“I’ll repeat. This might have been one of the things you should have told me a long time ago, Bri.”

“I agree. I should have.”

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