Page 11 of The Path To Us

Chapter Four

Beau

My eyes are scratchy when I try to pry my lids open. I know I got several hours of sleep last night, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

The sweet scent of my niece surrounds me, as do all her limbs. I’m pretty sure they multiplied overnight. I lift my head to get a better look and grin when I see she has an arm and leg thrown over me and one of each thrown over Addy as well. She looks like a starfish and it warms my heart that she is comfortable and content enough to sleep this way. Slipping out from under her leg, I take care of business in the guest bathroom rather than using Addy’s master bath then go to the kitchen to start some coffee.

As quietly as possible, I move around the unfamiliar space and open cupboards until I find what I’m looking for. I pull out two mugs and get my own coffee ready while Addy and Zoey sleep.

Taking my cup into their small living room, I look around the area that looks cozy and comfortable. A blue patterned loveseat sits next to a cream colored sofa which is livened up by bright and cheerful throw pillows of different shapes, sizes, and colors. The walls are painted much the same. A wall of turquoise and one of cobalt blue. It’s not an eye-sore, though. It’s perfectly Addy.

Pictures hang from one wall that shows Zoey at all different stages of her life as well as some of Addy, Chris, and my family. A large picture of Addy’s mom, Suzie, hangs in the center and my heart clenches. She’s wearing a pink and green scarf wrapped around her head, a mask covering her mouth and nose, smiling eyes, and a two-day old Zoey in her arms. We lost her a little over a year after this picture was taken when her battle with breast cancer won.

Shame over the way I reacted when I first found out that Addy was pregnant with Chris’s child washes over me as I continue to look at the pictures. After I found out my high school girlfriend was cheating on me, I turned to Addy. Our friendship was already strong but she was there for me in a time I needed her most. I left for college and nothing changed in our friendship. We talked almost daily and visited each other as often as we could. When I’d come home for breaks, weekends, or holidays, my time was spent with Addy, who stayed in town to work for her mother’s flower shop. She took over ownership right after they found out she was pregnant. The Village Florist is Addy’s second home. I can’t imagine her working anywhere else.

And how did I repay her and show her friendship in return? I never babysat Zoey or fed her a bottle. Without a doubt, I was the worst kind of uncle there is during the nine months of Zoey’s life until Addy’s mom pulled me aside, told me to pull my head out of my ass and get over the fact that my brother had what I wanted. I was shocked that she knew, considering I’d barely admitted it to myself. But Suzie was an all-knowing mama bear.

“You’ve loved her since you were in the eighth grade, Beau. I saw the moment you looked at her differently. You’ve just been too blind to see it. Stupid, stupid man,” she mutters and I flinch but don’t laugh. Even though it is kind of funny, it’s also very, very true. I’m stupid.

“I don’t…”

“Don’t do that, Beau. Just promise me that eventually, you’ll see the truth that’s been before you all these years. I need that promise, Beau. I won’t be here to continue to yell at you until you wisen up so listen to me now. Before it’s too late, you need to let her know how you feel.”

“Suzie…”

“No. Do not throw excuses at me. You know as well as I do that this cancer isn’t going away. I won’t be here for long and I have one request. That you promise me that my daughter will be taken care of. That you’ll love her the way only you can. Promise me, Beau.”

Without hesitation, I answer her. “I promise.”

“Good. You know that she loves you, too.” She’s so matter-of-fact about it that it makes me blink once, twice.

“What?”

She rolls her eyes, driving in the fact that she knows I’m a stupid man. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know this.”

“She slept with my brother,” I remind her through gritted teeth.

“Because she’d just found out I was sick. She was sad. Drunk. And you weren’t here. I have no doubt that if you were…”

I shake my head. What she’s implying isn’t anything I could even fathom. “Don’t say it. Zoey is Chris’s daughter and I can’t imagine a scenario otherwise.”

Her eyes soften and she reaches over to hold my hand. It’s cold and clammy and I place my other hand over hers to warm it. “And that, right there, is why I know you’re meant for my girl. Because you see the truth even if it is hard for you to accept.”

I knew that Chris and Addy weren’t together, but they shared something she and I never would. And for that, I was not just jealous. I was bitter and angry and everything in between. Supportive? Not one single minute. To say I didn’t act on my best behavior would be putting it mildly, which is why Suzie took me by the proverbial ear and gave me a talking to.

I was behaving like an asshole, to say the least, and acted like a child who didn’t get what they wanted. And what I wanted, was Addy as my own. I wanted her to be pregnant with my baby. For me to be the one in the hospital room with her when she gave birth to our daughter. But that isn’t how life works. We don’t get what we want if we’re not willing to put in the work or even put ourselves out there. We don’t deserve a single thing in life if we aren’t willing to fight for it.

And Addy? I’ve wanted to fight for every single minute of every single day since the moment I realized I was in love with her. Unfortunately, the realization of what I wanted — who I was in love with — came to me too late. I remember the night Addy told me she was pregnant with Zoey like it happened two minutes ago. She was so upset.

“Beau. I messed up. I can’t believe I did this.”

I usher Addy inside my house by tugging on her hand. After getting her situated on the couch, I pull her close and rub her back as she cries. “What’s wrong? Whatever it is, I’ll help you. It’s going to be okay.”

She shakes her head, her long, wavy, dark blonde hair swooshing around her face. “Not this time, Beau. There’s nothing you can do.”

I hate that she would ever think that. There’s never been a time when I haven’t been able to fix whatever is bothering her. Her crying turns into sobs and I pull her to my chest, wrapping my arms around her to hold her tight. I try not to think about how perfect she feels in my arms but it’s impossible to ignore. Almost our whole lives she’s been my Addy. Just not my Addy in a way that she’s mine. She’s been there, right beside me as my best friend.

The stirrings of something more, though, have been becoming louder and louder. Impossible to ignore.

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