Page 14 of The Path To Us

“I’ll wait here with you guys and we can go over together.”

“Kay.”

We watch her go and I lean over and kiss Addy on the temple after pulling her close. “She’ll be okay, Addy. She’s got all of us. My parents. My brother. Me. And so do you. I’m not going to lie… the hurt won’t ever go away completely and we’ll feel the sting of it for a while, but we’ll stand by you both and help her through it. I promise.”

She looks up at me through wet lashes. “I believe you.”

Damn if that doesn’t make me feel like I could conquer anything life throws at us even through the shit we’re dealing with.

I release Addy and we get to work on getting some breakfast. While Addy toasts some bagels, I cut up a few apples and smear peanut butter onto the slices. She pours a glass of milk for Zoey and we set everything on the table.

Zoey walks into the kitchen, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and carrying her stuffed donkey Chris gave her. She’s loved donkeys ever since my dad took her to the fair and everyone was looking at all the horses but no one was over by the donkeys. She felt bad for them and cried right there in the middle of the barn. She’s a gentle soul and it scares me to think about what the loss of her father, her hero, is going to do to her.

“Will you help me with the white stuff?” Zoey asks, handing me half a bagel and climbing onto my lap to eat.

I look up at Addy whose eyes are sad as she watches us. “Sure thing, Squirt.”

After putting cream cheese on her bagel, I give it back to her and she takes a big bite.

Normally Zoey doesn’t stop talking even while she’s eating but now she’s silent. I look at Addy across the table and the sadness I see in her eyes for her daughter is impossible to miss.

When Zoey announces she’s finished, I’m glad to see her plate is empty and that the loss of her father hasn’t diminished her appetite.

“Can we go see Papa and Nana now?” she asks, looking up at me.

I give her a little bounce on my knee and she rewards me with the barest of smiles. “Sure thing. Help us clean up first, though, okay?”

She nods and we put away the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

As we’re walking outside to our cars, I tell them I’ll see them over at my parents’ house but Zoey breaks down, wondering why we can’t go together.

“Because my pickup is here, honey. If we ride together, I won’t have my vehicle at Nana and Papa’s after you and your mommy leave to come back home.”

That explanation does nothing to satisfy her and only makes her cry harder. “But you can’t go by yourself! You can’t!”

Maybe it’s wrong to give in to her so easily and quickly, but I can’t deny her what she needs. Not right now, anyway. Now’s definitely not the time for tough love. “Okay, okay. We’ll ride together. How about you climb in with me?”

Zoey nods, still sniffling. I grab her booster seat from Addy’s small SUV and after getting it situated in my back seat, we take the short trip over to my parents’ house. Only Max’s large pickup sits in the driveway so I pull in next to it. My mom rushes out of the house before I can even get Zoey’s door open and takes over, pulling her from the cab as quickly as she can and hugging her tightly.

“How’s my baby girl? Nana missed you!”

“I just saw you yesterday, Nana!” Zoey giggles when Mom buries her face in her neck and I swear my heart almost explodes from my chest at hearing her little girl laughter. Since I arrived on their doorstep last night, she’s been so sad, rightfully so, and to hear her displaying a little bit of happiness now is everything I was missing.

Addy wipes away a tear and we follow Mom and Zoey into the house.

Mom places a plastic container of cookies on the table. I’m positive she pulled them out of the freezer — she always makes extra batches of cookies and stores them in the freezer to have on hand. These just happen to be Chris’s favorite. Peanut butter cookies with a chocolate star pressed into the center. Whenever Mom made them, he’d tackle us if we tried to eat them, claiming them all for himself. He’d be able to eat a dozen in only a few minutes. Peanut butter blossoms, my mom always called them. The sight of the innocent cookies makes me pause. I stare at the container heaping full of my brother’s favorite treat, the same one that he would have for his birthday instead of cake, and all the breath leaves my lungs. Why would she put those out? Now? When the sting of losing him is still so real? I feel Addy at my back but it does nothing to calm my irrational anger over a dessert item. She places a hand on my forearm and whispers, “They’re just cookies. It’s okay.”

“They’re more than cookies,” I quietly growl.

She nods, looking at my mom who keeps hugging Zoey. “I know. But right now, they are.”

“Have a seat, you two.”

Rather than obey, I take Zoey to the pantry and help her pick out a snack. She might have just eaten breakfast, but it’s something to occupy myself.

“Your dad has been on the phone with the funeral home this morning. We’re supposed to go over there this afternoon for the arrangements. We’d like it if you both could be there.”

“Of course,” I reply, handing Zoey a small bag of Goldfish crackers. She grins up at me.

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