Page 16 of The Path To Us

Chapter Five

Addy

“That is not all it was, Addy. You’re pregnant! With my brother’s baby!”

I jolt awake, sitting straight up in bed. Pressing a hand to my chest, I try to calm my breathing and get my racing heart under control. A sheen of sweat coats my skin and I look around my bedroom, thankful to see Zoey sound asleep next to me. Completely unaware of the fact that her mother had yet another bad dream.

The same one I have a few times a year. This year I got lucky and had the dream a third time. Darkness seeps into the room along with the breeze blowing in the cool night air. I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh scent to relax me.

As quietly as possible, I slide out of the bed so as not to wake up Zoey and slip on my navy blue hoodie over my tank top, zipping it up halfway. I move to stand next to the window, wishing I could have gotten a few more hours of sleep before the hellish day that’s coming ahead. The day we bury my daughter’s daddy. My friend. My best friend’s brother.

Christopher.

I can’t believe this is happening. The last few days have felt like a nightmare that none of us could wake from. My daughter is devastated. Our family will never be the same.

Saying goodbye to Chris — officially, anyway — is going to suck. No other way to put it. Death of a loved one sucks. It seems unfair and like the pain is never going to go away. And it won’t. Not really. It might dull and fade over time but it will never be absent.

I wipe away a tear from my cheek and swallow the lump in my throat. My heart is broken for my daughter and myself and Beau and his parents and Max. Ugh.

While Zoey is awake, I’ve been trying so hard to be strong while at the same time showing her that it’s okay to feel the pain and be sad. But in the quiet of the night, when nothing but darkness surrounds me, I can’t keep it together.

I’m beyond exhausted. Owning a flower shop in a small town means that my business is always busy for funerals. But this time, I’ve had to step back and let my employees handle most of it. It doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to be the one to put together the casket spray and make sure that the plants and bouquets that were being sent to his parents were the best there could be. I hand-picked every single flower, whether it was necessary or not. It was a way for me to cope, I assume. Something to keep my mind occupied and off the fact that the unthinkable happened.

After the initial shock wore off that I was pregnant, I felt so fortunate. Growing up without a dad because he didn’t care enough to stick around, I always swore that I would never have a baby with someone I didn’t know and trust would be a good father. And Chris wasn’t just a good father. He was great. He was present for every single milestone, talked with Zoey every day, attended her T-ball games and practices. Some might say that he was a helicopter parent of sorts. But not me. I loved how much he wanted to be such a significant part of Zoey’s life. He was everything I had ever wanted for a dad for myself and I was grateful my daughter had that. And now…

Blowing out a shaky breath, I tie the string on my blue striped cotton night pants and turn away from the window. There’s no point in going back to bed, knowing I’ll only toss and turn, so I decide to go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea, making a quick stop in the bathroom first.

The day I told Beau I was pregnant, terrified would be putting it mildly. I’d been in love with Beau since before I knew what being in love with someone meant, even though I can’t regret the night I spent with Christopher because it gave us Zoey.

But at the time? I could hardly look at myself in the mirror.

I’d spent years pining over my best friend only to fall into the arms — and bed —of his brother. The morning after I spent the night with Christopher, I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I knew that I would never be able to keep it a secret from Beau because there simply were no secrets between us. That is, of course, aside from the fact that I was in love with him. That’s something I’ve kept to myself, though Christopher knew. After I turned down his proposal countless times, he eventually demanded a reason. He loved me. I loved him, too. Just not in the way a woman should love a man she intends to marry.

Just as I opened my mouth to lie, my phone lit up with Beau’s face. Apparently Chris was really good at reading faces. I begged him not to tell Beau and he promised me he wouldn’t. To my knowledge, he kept his promise.

After I finish up in the bathroom, I walk quietly to the kitchen, not wanting to wake up Beau along the way. He moved to the spare bedroom after Zoey fell asleep and as much as I wanted to protest, I knew it was better that way. Zoey was already quickly growing attached to having Beau around.

The tile floor is cold under my feet and I wish I would have taken the time to find my slippers. I flip on the light and almost jump out of my skin when I’m greeted with the gorgeous display in front of me. Beau’s bare back. He’s always been a large man. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, sinewy back. Such a contrast to my small frame. Over a foot shorter than his 6’4”, I’ve always felt tiny in comparison.

He turns to face me when he hears me enter and the look on his face almost makes me crumble to dust right here in my kitchen.

“We’re burying my baby brother today,” he says quietly, eyes focused on me.

“Yes.”

He looks back out the kitchen window which he’s leaning a shoulder against. “When Chris was born, I wouldn’t leave him alone. My mom was busy enough with a toddler and a newborn but then to add to it, I wouldn’t let him out of my sight. I don’t remember, of course, but that’s the way they tell it. I told everyone that he was my best friend. When people would come over to see him, I’d hover over them, afraid they were going to take him away from me. At least, that’s what my parents figured. When we grew up, we had moments where we fought and yelled at each other. We’d have wrestling matches and I swear I think Mom thought we’d bloody each other up sometimes. But it never went that far. And damn anyone who thought they’d mess with one of us.”

I smile a ghost of a smile, remembering that very well. Beau has always been a man who would stand up for someone who’s been mistreated. That’s how he and I met, after all. Standing up to someone who tried to steal my snack when I was only four. But it wasn’t lost on anyone in our town that if you messed with one of the Aikin brothers, you messed with all three of them.

It’s then that it hits me. He’s afraid that he failed watching over his brother somehow.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it? Was I too blinded by my own worries, my own life, that I missed something major with him? How long had he been having headaches?”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him what his worries are but now’s not the time. Right now he needs to break out of the funk he’s found himself in. The deep pit of despair that he’s fallen into, though completely understandable.

“He wasn’t.”

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