Page 34 of The Path To Us

“Go on,” I say in a teasing voice. “What is it you were about to say?”

“Oh, shut up,” she says before shoving a piece of pizza into her mouth and chewing dramatically.

“That’s right. Eat so you don’t have to tell me what you were about to say.”

She covers her mouth as she laughs. But I’m grateful for the distraction. My words seem to have settled and where moments ago she was saddened, she now seems to be more relaxed. I know the pain of the last few months won’t just disappear. For either of us. But, I see the possibility of moving forward. Maybe she needed this break down today in order to do just that. The pain of losing Chris will never be gone but maybe some of that pain can be used to help us heal together.

Together, we go through our options on Netflix and settle on a series based on books about the Highlanders and time travel. It’s confusing as fuck at first but then it becomes entirely uncomfortable as the husband goes down on his wife. I shift on the couch when all I can think about is me doing the same to Addy.

Her eyes are glued to the television as if she’s engrossed in what’s on the screen. I don’t blame her. A show that I expected to be all about history is shockingly sexual. And apparently what she just about said, if you’re horny, eat, is a good plan because the two of us are demolishing a large pizza as we continue through the episodes, only breaking to get more water and a bag of buttery pretzels. Attempting to eat away my desire for her probably isn’t the best plan, but she seems to be doing the same.

Which begs the question, does she want me the same way as I want her? Or is it just simply a case of being turned on from binge watching a program that shows others having sex. Damn, it’s hot in here. This show, for as grotesque as it can be, is also hot. Neither of us can stop watching, not that I want to. The scenes are so hot they may as well be having real sex. It’s hard to believe they’re not having sex for how real it seems. Maybe that’s just because I’ve had a dry spell of so long, that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a woman wrapped around me.

Next to me, Addy suddenly jumps up and mumbles something about needing more water and rushes into the kitchen. I take the time alone to adjust my hardening dick, pushing it down so it’s not so obvious in these damn thin shorts. I’m about to look like a teenager with a tent in his shorts if I don’t calm down my raging hormones.

I hear her turn on the faucet for thirty seconds. That’s right. I count it out, hoping that the mundane activity will help me get control of my hormones. It doesn’t help. Not a single bit.

I’ve never wanted her so badly and that’s saying a lot — because there have been countless moments where I’ve imagined taking her from every single angle and position I can think up, of which there are many.

When she comes back, she looks no less flushed when she hands me a fresh glass of ice water, which I thank her for and suck down as if I’ve not drank for weeks. The cold liquid slides down my throat and I welcome it, hoping it tames the flames building inside me. I notice she has moisture gathered on her neck as if she splashed water on herself and I look down at the water in my hand but don’t hide my smirk.

She takes a deep breath and sits down a little farther away from me this time, turning off the TV. “You said you wanted to show me the listings?”

I appreciate her change of topics, and the fact that I’m no longer staring at bare breasts, though I wouldn’t complain if they were Addy’s. “Yeah, there’s a few I’m looking at but Noosma’s place isn’t listed yet so that’s not one of them we’ll look at.”

“What? Then how did you know he was selling?”

“Insider information,” I say, which isn’t a lie. I do have inside information — she just doesn’t know how I have it or who gave it to me.

“So secretive. Anyway, show me the houses you’re looking at.”

She’ll know soon enough that I’ve already made my decision, but I reach for my phone on the end table and pull up the listings to show her before handing it over to her. She looks through each of them carefully, pointing out the pros and cons of each. There are only three, but she examines each one as if it’s one of the biggest decisions of her life.

“This one has a lot of potential but you know, I just don’t know that any of these are your house.”

My heart thumps against my chest. “What do you mean?”

“Honestly? I don’t really know. It’s hard to explain.”

She doesn’t need to because she’s right — none of them are meant for me. When I walked into Richard Noosma’s house, I felt at home immediately. Just like she says it’s hard to explain, it’s the same for me. Just like being around Addy and Zoey, my parents or Max, I felt at peace in that big old farmhouse. As if it’s where I’m supposed to live. I can picture my future laid out before me so perfectly there.

The only thing is, in my dreams, Addy and Zoey are with me. And that makes me an awful person. I can’t take over Chris’s life, or the life that he wanted. I can’t step in as if I deserve to have Addy and Zoey as my own and pretend that any of this is okay.

“I’m inclined to agree with you, but I haven’t seen inside any of them so I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like I need to buy something immediately.”

She laughs. “Oh, right. I’m sure you’re eager to move back in with your parents.” She pauses for a second then, “Wait. What are you going to do here?”

“What do you mean?”

“For work.”

I didn’t realize I hadn’t even told her my news yet. We’ve been so busy skirting around any subject that doesn’t revolve around Zoey that we’ve forgotten we have lives as well.

“I didn’t tell you?”

She turns her head to the side, eyes alight with eagerness. They sparkle and shine, and for the first time in weeks, it’s not because of the tears that are building there. “Tell me what?”

I rub a hand over my face to try to smother my enormous grin over the idea of running my own business, even if it’s with someone else. It just feels right. “Grant is expanding his business and I’m going to run the operation here.”

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