Page 37 of The Path To Us

I grip his arm and do my best to look at him.

“Pen…” I manage to say, and point to the bathroom.

“Pen? What? What’s happening, Addy?” His eyes are darting between mine, pure panic in his eyes. I don’t blame him. I’m feeling a lot panicked myself.

“Epi… pen…” I tell him and he somehow understands what I was trying to say even though the words are barely able to be heard. He helps me sit down on the floor and runs to the bathroom. I hear drawers and cupboards opening and slamming shut, things being strewn all over the room until he finds what he’s looking for.

“This is it. I found it. Right?” he says loudly, bringing it to me. Luckily, he’s right and he found my EpiPen. I nod my head to let him know that he’s got the right thing. “I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do!”

I point to my thigh and take the pen from his hand, showing him what he’s supposed to do. He watches closely and quickly follows my instructions before jamming it into my thigh and pushing the button to inject the adrenaline into me. He holds me, my head cradled against his chest as the medicine works its way into my system. He rubs his hand up and down my arm and whispers, “don’t leave me, breathe for me, baby, you got this” over and over.

After a few minutes, I start to regain my breath but it’s uncomfortable.

Beau doesn’t release his hold on me. “Come on, Addy. Breathe deep. Just don’t leave me, okay? You can’t.”

“I’m okay,” I tell him but I’m not entirely. Better, yes. But far from a hundred percent.

“Fuck,” he says, blowing out a breath and bringing me even tighter to his chest. “I thought… holy shit. What was that?”

Once I can breathe easily again, I put a little bit of space between us. “Hazelnuts.”

His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. I get it. He didn’t know of my allergy. “What?”

“The bars, I think they had hazelnut chocolate in them.”

“I don’t understand. I mean, they did. Mom said she added that chocolate hazelnut spread in the fudge this time. But you’re not allergic to anything.”

Shaking my head, I explain, “I discovered I have an allergy to hazelnuts. You know that chocolate hazelnut spread that your mom used? I had some a few years ago for the first time and this happened. It was the first time I’d ever realized I had an allergy to hazelnuts.”

“Why didn’t I know this?”

“I never told anyone.”

“Fuck, Addy. You could have died. Do you realize how scared I was? It almost killed you because we didn’t know.” Realization dawns and he sits back, resting his forearms on his knees. “I can’t believe I didn’t know this.”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, baby. I’m just glad I was here. Fuck, Addy, what if I wasn’t here?”

“But you were and I’m okay. I’m okay.”

He holds me tight before allowing me to relax in his arms. “Wait. I didn’t even see you eat one.”

“I had two,” I admit sheepishly. “After I brought out the pizza box. They were delicious and I noticed there was something a little different than typical but I didn’t know why.”

He stands up and helps me do the same, holding my hands. He hugs me tightly then moves us so we’re lying down on the bed next to each other. He wraps his arms around me and I lay my head on his chest while he rubs my back. “Holy shit. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. For real, Addy. I need you to promise me that you’ll never do that to me again.”

“Promise.” I slide my hand over his waist and nestle in even though it’s not as if I can promise such a thing. Chris is proof that no one knows what’s in our future.

We hold each other for a while. He seems to need that confirmation that I’m here and I’m healthy. And most importantly, I’m okay.

And when I fall asleep, it’s with his arms wrapped around me.

I only wish I’d woken up the same way.

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