Page 97 of The Path To Us

“Yeah, he did. We’re close. He was like a dad to my mother. Or, maybe more like a big brother. I don’t know. Richard has been there for us through some of the roughest times. After I found out I was pregnant, I went to his house and cried on his shoulder. I felt so guilty for using Chris. I hated some of the thoughts that I had. I was so sad because of Mom. It was bubbling over the surface and I couldn’t keep it down. He listened.”

“What thoughts?”

Of course he would latch on to the one thing I really would have preferred I keep to myself. “I’ve loved you since I was fourteen, Beau.”

“What?” he whispers.

I shrug, a little embarrassed. “I’ve always been yours. You just didn’t realize it.”

“There’s one thing you always had that he wanted. Even if you didn’t know you had it, it’s been yours all along. That’s what you said to me that night we found Lizzy and Tyson together. I was confused by it then, but you meant you, didn’t you?”

“Yes. Tyson knew my heart was gone for you. I tried so hard to gain it back but I never could. Then I got drunk, slept with Chris, got pregnant, and you left.”

“Because I’d realized I was in love with you right before that and wanted you for myself. I also knew that Chris was in love with you, or at least he thought he was. I don’t think he felt the same kind of love that I feel for you, or he wouldn’t have been able to give up until he had you.”

“This is a lot to take in,” I tell him.

“Sure is. So you’re telling me your thoughts…”

“Were about wishing you were the dad instead of Chris. Screwed with my head a little bit.”

“That’s why I left, too. I was jealous as fuck. Couldn’t stand the fact that you were carrying someone else’s baby, especially my brother’s. Then I realized I needed you in my life more than I needed to hang on to my pride.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Me, too.”

We sit quietly for a few minutes, listening to birds chirp and the occasional car traveling past my house. I live on a fairly quiet street, but that doesn’t mean I never hear any sort of traffic.

“You’ve loved me since you were fourteen?”

I bite my lip and feel my cheeks heat. “I know. You’re probably a little scared of me at this point.”

“Scared of you? Hardly. I feel like a dumbass that I never realized it.”

I shrug. “I wasn’t on your radar.”

“Because I was a dumbass. Most beautiful girl in our school. In the town.”

“Life is how it’s supposed to be,” I say quietly. “As hard as it was at the time, I’m glad Chris is Zoey’s father. He left this world leaving behind a part of him and every time I look at her, I see glimpses of him. I might not have been in love with him, but I don’t regret being with him.”

He leans his head back against the chair. “I have a confession.”

“Oh, boy.”

He shoots me a grin. “It’s not a bad one. Well, it kind of is but not entirely. He and I got into a fight the night after you told me you were pregnant. My dad and Max had to break us apart.”

I gasp. “Beau!”

He holds up a hand. “I know. I know. It wasn’t my place, but I was just so pissed. You told me he didn’t take advantage of you, but I couldn’t convince myself otherwise. He knew what he was doing that night. But he reminded me that you did, also. It sucked to hear and it only fueled my rage, but Dad reminded me it wasn’t rage. It was just plain old fashioned jealousy. I hated that he had that with you and I knew then that you’d be connected forever. But now, I’m glad. You’re right. He’s not with us, and that sucks more than I can put into words, but we have Zoey and there’s nothing bad about that.”

I stand up and move to sit sideways on his lap, placing our cups on the table. “You met Richard. You bought a house. You bought a business. You’re stepping in just like you’ve always stepped in. Zoey’s getting her confidence back because you’re present and here in a way that makes her feel safe and loved. Everything you’ve done your entire life, you’ve done for me and Zoey.”

Moisture collects in his eyes.

“Addy…”

“Listen to me when I say this and I’m going to get gushy again but I don’t care. It’s our time. You’ve always been there for me, Beau Aikin. Always. Even when you left me for a little bit to lick your wounds, you were still there for me and I knew it. Now is the time for me to be there for you. To help you get over the guilt that you feel over being with me because Chris isn’t.”

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