Page 38 of Never Really Over

And one look at Colt today was a stark reminder of what and who I’d lost.

Then my wall of defense went up and I opened my mouth and said things I know I can’t take back. Things I meant when I was twenty, but not now. I’ve learned. I’ve grown up. I experienced the life I thought I wanted only to realize I didn’t want it after all.

Maybe that’s why I had to move away.

To see it for myself. I needed to know and if I stayed here, I wouldn’t have. I don’t regret it, because I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t try. It took a lot of courage for me to move away from the only home I’d ever known. To move away from the people who I once considered friends so close they were more like family. And I did it. It was huge for me, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the time I spent in Chicago. I discovered a lot about who I am over the years I was away and even more since I’ve been back home.

Home.

Yeah. That’s what Hollow Grove feels like.

I’m back home again and it’s time to pull up my big girl panties and apologize to the many people I’ve hurt.

One more glance at Colt’s house and I see him walking out with Poppy strapped to his chest, just like he told me.

Damn.

Now my insides really are quivering.

We make eye contact through my windshield and I suck in a breath.

He’s breathtaking.

Opening my car door, I step out, gravel crunching under my rubber boots.

He pulls a ball cap out of his back pocket and slips it on his head. Bill facing backward because apparently he’s really trying to kill me. Then he grabs Poppy’s little feet in his big hands. “Still here, huh?”

Swallowing hard, I shut the door behind me and walk toward him.

“I couldn’t leave.”

“Car won’t start?”

I chuckle. “Never got that far.” I rub my lips together and look into his eyes. Those dark eyes that used to look at me with so much love that I could feel it in my bones. “I’m sorry.”

“Forgiven.”

“No. You don’t forgive me and I know why. You don’t believe me and that’s okay. For now. But it was a defense mechanism. That’s not an excuse, I know, but it’s the truth. I didn’t mean the things I said. I really didn’t. I admire the fact that you are all still friends. Admire it, and am wickedly jealous, too. I messed up all those years ago when I left and didn’t look back and I know it. In all honesty, though, you and I both know that I had to go. I needed to see it for myself. My only regret is the relationships I lost in following that path for myself. I’m not expecting anything here, but you need to know that I am sorry.”

“You didn’t just leave me when you moved to Chicago, you know. We all missed you. The girls? You didn’t even see them get married, Layla.”

“I know. And I have no excuses.”

“So why are you here? Why stay here at my house just now and not leave?”

“Because I needed to tell you that I’m sorry. I was a coward before but I really need you to know this. Actually, it’s not about me so it’s not about what I need. But Iamsorry.”

“You already said that. Repeatedly.”

“And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”

“Might take a little more than you showing up here in your pajamas and rubber boots.”

I look down at myself, even though I know how ridiculous I look. “I get that.”

“Might want to start with the girls. But don’t expect a warm welcome there, either. Especially since you are going back to Chicago.”

I pull an eek face. The news of me staying in Hollow Grove could go either way. I’m hoping he doesn’t want to run me out of the state. “About that. I’m moving back. It’s a long story and it’s not just because of my mother, but that’s definitely part of it. It turns out, Hollow Grove isn’t such a bad place after all.”

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