Page 39 of Never Really Over

“You don’t say,” he deadpans.

Spinning around, I look at the land that surrounds Colt’s house. Green fields as far as the eye can see. Corn and soybeans growing tall, mature trees lining his property, birds chirping and leaves moving against the breeze. Farm animals in their pens or behind fences that one wouldn’t think would keep an animal of that size corralled but it does. They’re all making noises and the sound is comforting. Goats, chickens, cows. Even the slight stench of cow manure brings me a sense of nostalgia and isn’t as offensive as I once thought it was.

“It’s so peaceful.”

“No sounds of the city, that’s for sure.”

I laugh. “Definitely not.”

I turn back to face Colt. “Are you happy?” I ask him. I know he’s not because of his sister, but this is a general question that I genuinely want to know the answer to.

“Yeah, I am,” he says, seeming to understand that my question had nothing to do with his current grief but in the way he lives his life.

“You were right before. When you said that you are who you are and you’re happy with that but something told you that it wasn’t the case for me. You were right.”

“As much as I like to be right, in this case, I wish I wasn’t.”

“Don’t do that,” I whisper. “Don’t be kind and sweet. I don’t deserve it. I said awful things I didn’t mean because I’m angry at myself and a jealous monster.”

He doesn’t say anything, just bounces Poppy a little when she starts to get fussy.

“Want to go see Poppy’s favorite animals?”

I look down at myself in my pajamas again.

“Ehh. You’ve already seen me so what’s it hurt now. Sure, I’ll go.”

“Good thing you’ve got your boots on,” he says with a smirk.

I walk beside him as we cross the little gravel driveway, past a couple large steel grain bins that are probably getting close to empty from last year’s crops so he can fill them back up when harvest time comes. Funny how I haven’t thought about farming much over the years but I remember everything from my time with Colt.

“How are your crops looking this year?”

He looks at me. “You really want to know?”

“Wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

“Everything looks good. Had to have a crop plane spray for bugs and earlier in the summer our rain totals were low. Thought we were going to have some problems but we’ve had nice rains since and it’s helped.”

“Good. What will you do with Poppy when you’re harvesting?”

“She’ll stay with me. I have a buddy seat in the cab so I can strap her car seat in. Or something. We’ll figure it out, right, Tootsie Pop?”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“It’s not amazing when you’re just doing your job and caring for the person you love.”

“Suppose that’s true, but it’s still pretty incredible how you just manage it all so well.”

“Not every day is easy, but we’re working it out.”

I can see that. He might want to be humble here, but the truth of it is, not every single guy in his thirties would be willing to take on a baby and manage a farm on his own. I doubt he even sees it himself, but I’m sure Natalie did. That’s why she trusted him with her baby.

“She’ll be one next month,” he says out of the blue.

That brings a smile to my face. I don’t know much about babies, not being around them in a long time, so I wasn’t sure about her age. “Really? So party time, huh?”

“I suppose so. No clue what to do there but…”

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