Page 5 of Never Really Over

“It’s just me,” I remind her. “Where are you going, anyway?” She blushes and avoids eye contact. I know exactly what that means. Natalie and I are way, way too close for our own good and her non-answer means that they’re planning a night of sex but she doesn’t want to admit it. At least not to her brother. I wrinkle my nose and pull a face. “Never mind.”

“We’ll be home,” she blurts out.

“Got that.”

“I mean, not theentiretime. We’re not planning some big orgy or anything.”

I sputter, take a drink of water, which isn’t a good idea because that just makes me choke and end up in a coughing fit. “I would sure as heck hope not!”

The wheels in her mind turn as she considers my reaction to what she said. “There’s a possibility I used the wrong term,” she mumbles, glancing over at her daughter. “What’s a full night of sex?”

“Fun?”

“Colt! The term.”

“The term is fun!”

We laugh and I get up, taking our now empty plates of cheese and crackers to the kitchen and refilling our water. When I return to the living room, she’s sitting on the floor with Poppy.

“I think she’s ready for a nap,” Natalie says.

“Probably. She’s had a busy day. Want me to lay her down?”

She cuddles up to her. “No.”

“Natalie?”

“I can’t go home. What if I go home and she’s not there and we have nothing to talk about and I don’t know how to act sexy anymore so Mason looks at me like I’m disgusting? What if he really is expecting an orgy and I can’t give it to him because I’m a prude?”

“Not wanting to have an orgy means you’re a prude?” I ask, eyebrows raised.

“Maybe?”

“What in the world is going on in your house right now?” I demand, irritated.

“Nothing! Nothing,” she says quickly. “This is all in my head. I don’t know what’s going on,” she whimpers, fanning her face. Poppy twists around in Natalie’s arms, throwing herself into them. Her tiny legs stomp up and down as she tries to get comfortable, crying a little bit in her discomfort. So impatient, that one.

Natalie pulls a pacifier out of her pocket and wipes it off before stuffing it into Poppy’s mouth who immediately starts sucking on it and sighs in contentment when Natalie starts rocking back and forth on the floor. After a few minutes, she tosses the pacifier on the floor and sticks her thumb in her mouth.

“Is it that time of the month?”

“We really share too much with each other,” she says. “No, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking you to keep my baby overnight,” she adds meaningfully.

“Oh. Right. Okay, then what’s going on?”

“You probably will have a hard time understanding this, but I don’t feel very attractive anymore. I don’t shower daily, I rarely have makeup on, the house is a mess, I still have baby weight to lose —”

“I’m going to stop you right there. Mason doesn’t think of you in any way other than the fact that you’re his person. He loves you, he doesn’t care if you wear makeup or have a messy house and he damn sure doesn’t care if you haven’t lost every pound of weight you gained when you were carrying his child less than a year ago. Cut yourself some slack, Natalie, and get off social media. You know as well as I do that the shit you see on there isn’t real. No one is going to show the hard parts of their life.”

She blows out a breath and looks down at Poppy who’s already sound asleep in her arms. I stand up and gingerly take her from my sister’s arms and bring her to the portable crib I leave up in the spare bedroom. It’s basically Poppy’s room, but it’s not decorated like a nursery because it’s the room I keep the spare bed and my exercise bike in.

“You think so?” she asks quietly, following me back out of the room.

“I know so. Mason and I might not be really close, but I know he loves you unconditionally. Extra weight or stinky, he doesn’t care. You need to talk to him.”

“And say what? I know I’m not the same person you married but please have sex with me even though I am still carrying baby weight that I'm pretty sure is just a permanent part of me now and I don't shower daily and think cold French fries is a perfectly acceptable meal? But seriously, why would he even be attracted to me anymore? Every time I get turned on, I leak milk all over the both of us! I'm like a damn cow.”

“Okay. Enough ofthat.Natalie, stop talking right now.” I shudder and sigh. “Here's the deal. First of all, I hate myself for even asking this, but is that milk thing normal?” She shrugs and nods. “Well, that's good. I think? But real honesty here, Nat. You aren’t giving Mason nearly enough credit here. I guarantee that he isn't thinking the same thing you are here and that you're projecting your fears onto him. That's not fair to either of you so cut that shit out. Get rid of the expectations and live your life for you, not the approval of anyone else, okay?”

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