Page 58 of Never Really Over

“Probably not. I don’t see it in my future.”

Again, he doesn’t fill my head with false promises or say something that he couldn’t possibly guarantee for me, he just sits. The listening ear I didn’t know I needed.

For a while, we just watch the kids play and laugh when one of the older ones turns the sprinkler toward the parents. Everyone screams and jumps from their chairs, a couple of the guys pull out squirt guns from wherever they’d been hiding them, and exact their revenge on the kids.

“Still don’t see it in your future?” Dalton asks me, causing me to startle. “You’ve been smiling bigger than I’ve seen you smile in over a year. You want this. You’re just too scared to go after it.”

“Who would I go after it with? There aren’t a lot of prospects here in Hollow Grove, and it’s not like you have a great track record with the men you hook me up with.”

He stares at me for a long time then turns back to the entertainment across the street.

“There’s a difference between the way you are around him and the way you were around all the guys in Chicago. It took me until I met Bridget to see it for myself. So, when you two get married, I get to be your man of honor and in my speech, I’ll tell everyone that I told you that you two were never over. It’s him, Layla. It’s always been him and it always will be him. He doesn’t hate you. He hates what you did to him. He hates that he’s now a single dad to his niece and hates that his sister died way too soon. He doesn’t hate you. He’s broken hearted. So what are you going to do about it?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“You think love is simple?” he asks, laughing at me. “It’s far from simple. If it were simple, it wouldn’t be worthy of your time. All you need to ask yourself is, is Colt worth your time? Is a life with Colt what you want? Do you want to be with him?”

“Yes,” I whisper. “So badly it hurts.”

“No, the tequila hurt because like Colt, you’re heartbroken. But the same person that broke Colt’s heart, broke yours.”

“I know.”

“Tell me the rest.”

I explain how when the girls were getting ready to leave, I decided to stay and help how I could, since I wasn’t able to help when it came to answers as to why Poppy was crying. And then I started thinking things.

“You were ready to go back on your promise, huh?”

“So ready. But I overheard him talking to the guys and realized that was a dream I needed to squash. Then we got into an argument because I told him that Mom still has guilt over the accident and he said he understood why she would feel that way. It made me mad because I thought it meant he was blaming her, too, but really, he’s right. She’s not at fault, but I understand where she thinks she is. Anyway, it all just… didn’t end well. And as I was leaving, I did something stupid.”

“Oh, no.”

“It’s not that bad. I just looked back at the house. Colt was standing on the top step, holding Poppy in his arms and all I could think was ‘that’s what I want’. But he let me know that I needed to stop coming by because it was confusing him and not fair. He said I was making him think things and when I called him on it, hoping that he’d admit that there was still something between us, he told me he didn’t believe that I’d be staying in town anyway, because that’s who I am. I leave. So I drove off, crying my fool head off, and landed at the bar.”

He blows out a breath. “Well, I guess that’s that, then.” He stands up and claps his hands together. “Guess you tried. Gave it some effort. Put in the work. Did your best. But that wasn’t enough so might as well just do what he said and leave him be, right?”

With each word, I flinch a little harder at the reminder that I did none of those things. Colt is hurting right now and sure, I’m a big part of it, but I’m notthereason. Not like I once was. Why should he believe my words when my past is still standing between us? I’ve said I was sorry. I’ve said that I didn’t mean the words. But why would he believe me when I walked away from him with a lie on my tongue?

“Actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, Layla. You know that. If you don’t want him anymore, that’s fine. I won’t push it. But it’s clear that you do so get off your ass and figure it out. Show him that you’re not the snob he thinks you are. Show him that you don’t think he and his friends are losers, or whatever it is you said about them. Let him see the real you, because the real you is pretty awesome. Plus, he loved the real you once and I know he still does.”

I wipe a tear from my cheek. So tired of crying. “How’d you get so good at this?”

“I’ll accept my invitation to be your man of honor now, thank you very much,” he says, bowing in front of me. Then with a Cheshire cat grin, he leaves me alone on the porch. With my thoughts.

Stupid man.

Stupid thoughts.

Chapter Eleven

Colt

Fly Over States

Today’s a big day.It’s a test, of sorts. One that will tell me if I can be both father and farmer on my own. I have some waterways to mow, which means I need to be in the tractor pulling the big mower behind me. Waterways are essential to farming. In simple terms, they’re sections of grass that are purposely planted through the fields to help with drainage. Keeping them mowed will help when it comes time to get the crops out of the fields but also so that the water drains properly.

It’s not the most fun job, but it’s one that needs done. I’ll mow them down and return tomorrow or the next day to bale the grass when it’s dry enough. The bales will feed the cattle and goats through the winter so the mowing is vital to all aspects of my operation.

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