Page 98 of Never Really Over

“Oh, shush. You still look great,” Maureen says.

“As do you. You and Layla could be sisters.”

“Okay!” Layla calls out. “Enough of that. Time to eat!”

We all laugh and I pick up Poppy, following everyone to the kitchen. I notice there’s a portable high chair similar to the one I have at home set up.

“You guys thought of everything.”

“Mom wanted to make sure Poppy would be comfortable here.”

The implication of her words is clear. She wants Poppy comfortable here because she knows — or maybe hopes — that she’ll be here often. I always thought of Maureen as a mother figure in my life, but her doing this feels like a gift.

I don’t want to rush the steps but Maureen setting her house up for Poppy tells me she sees the same thing that Layla and I do. That it’s not a temporary thing. The two of us are going to be together which means Maureen will have a role in Poppy’s life, too.

I swallow down the lump in my throat. My own parents aren’t this considerate.

“Thank you,” I finally choke out.

Layla takes my hand. It’s her way of letting me know she understands. She’s letting me know that Poppy and I aren’t alone.

Being with Layla means I not only get her, but Maureen, too.

Dinner around Maureen’s table is different than it once was, for obvious reasons, but it’s just as delicious as always. The four of us talk easily, Poppy eats good and Stan and Maureen are clearly smitten with each other.

At some point in the evening, Stan assumes the role of Poppy’s assistant. After we’ve eaten our fill and moved to the living room, he sits on the floor with her and reads every book she brings him, plays with every toy she not so subtly demands she wants him to, and even offers to change her diaper when she needs it.

The only bothersome part of the evening is that I notice Maureen hasn’t warmed up to Poppy as much as I expected. I suspect, though, that’s partly because she’s still not completely over the guilt she feels. Maybe she needs a little burning party, too. It helped Layla and me, more than I thought it would, even. We haven’t said the words yet, but I feel them and I know she does, too. Knowing how we both feel, though, is even more of a reason for the air to be cleared between us.

When Poppy starts to doze, I know it’s time for us to make our way home.

“I better get little miss home. It’s past our bedtime.”

“She’s my little buddy, though,” Stan says, giving her a hug.

Maureen reaches over and rubs her head, giving her a soft look before gazing at Stan with an even softer smile. “You wore her out.”

“Thank you for everything tonight. It was fun. Maureen, can I talk to you a quick second? That’ll give Stan time to say goodbye to his new friend.”

Maureen looks a little unsure but joins me in the kitchen.

“It’s not your fault,” I tell her with a sure voice before she can ask why I wanted to talk.

She looks away, tears brimming her eyes.

“I mean it, Maureen. I’m assuming Layla told you how we got to this place where our future is a little clearer than it was a week ago, and I think you need to it as well. The only way it’s going to work between Layla and me is if you realize that I’m not holding the accident against you. I want the air cleared — actually, I need that. Not just for me, but for Poppy, too. I see it in the way you hold back from spending much time with her. You look at her, but you’re practically scared to touch her. You set up your house for her to be comfortable here, but you won’t even hold her. That guilt is still holding you back, isn’t it? She’s doing great, Maureen, despite all that she’s gone through in her short life.”

She flinches like I slapped her which confirms what I already knew.

“I can’t…” she trails off, wiping away a tear from her cheek. I give her the time she needs to say what’s on her mind. “When I see you and Layla with her, all I can think is that…” She shakes her head.

“Think what?”

“I know it’s soon. I know that you two just found your way back to each other, but when I see you two with her, I see that same future you hinted at. I see you as Poppy’s parents. And it hurts. Not because I’m not happy for you two.”

“Because Natalie and Mason aren’t here.”

A sob pulls from her throat and I wrap her in my arms.

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