Page 126 of Don't Leave Me

Jess smiled at me, the glimmer in her eyes back. “You’re right,” she nodded at me, then tilted her head at me. “He hasn’t contacted you, has he?”

There was no wayforhim to contact me. Michael deleted and blocked his number on my phone weeks ago. After that, the only way he communicated with me was when came to our work (and outside of it) and then when he was at the hospital.

“No,” I shook my head.

She nodded quickly. “That’s probably good then.”

The waiter finally came over to us and took our order. We ate our meal and had friendly chitchat, trying our hardest not to talk about Jack anymore. I could tell it wore both of us out. What else were we supposed to talk about? How did I think I couldreallybe friends with her, when she constantly reminds me of the man that was almostthe one? I kept punishing myself over and over at that table, asking myself how I could be so careless with Jack, especially with someone so sensitive and tortured? I knew he had a delicate soul with problems of his own and yet I kept reeling him back into mine, making him believe that he could stick around with me. I refused to be alone and in turn, broke someone’s heart. How could Jess still want to be friends with me after what I had done to him?

Jessica and I said our polite goodbyes, giving a hug and kiss on the cheek to each other, and I realized that this was probably our last lunch together. I wish we had met under different circumstances because I liked her a lot. We waved goodbye and went our separate ways.

28

Chapter 28

Emily was gradually spending more and more nights at Adam’s in Cobble Hill, and I imagined her apartment in SoHo cold and gathering dust, probably still left hints of the blood she left in her kitchen not even a month prior. I was glad she had Adam, but I was always going to be worried about her when she wasn’t standing directly in front of me. That’s why when she suggested we meet up for coffee in the LES about two days after my lunch with Jess, I jumped up immediately at the chance. I was spiraling down into a rabbit hole of wedding vendors that I desperately needed a break from.

I sat in the coffee shop alone, already having gotten my decaf chai and Emily’s green tea. I hugged myself in my oversized sweater as I watched people walking in and out of the shop. Emily was wearing all black with a long black pea coat and black wedged boots as I watched her walk in, famously 20 minutes late. Of course, I was wearing something similar and smiled at her as I stood up, pointing down at my boots.

“We’re matching!” I laughed, and she looked down at my boots, then hers.

“These are the ones we bought together!” she exclaimed, almost jumping with joy. “Hello my soul twin,” she wrapped me in her arms tightly.

“How are you, my sweet princess?” I asked her, our tone always so playful but now, even more so – we hadn’t seen each other in about a week, although we had texted several times a day.

“I’m great!” she beamed, flashing her dimples at me. “How are you, banana?”

“Great as well,” I smiled at her, leaning against the table we sat at. “What’s new? How’sAdam?” I asked in a sing-song voice, raising my eyebrows at her.

Emily nearly giggled. “He’s amazing. Truly, Han…I amsohappy with him. I’m happier than I’veeverbeen,” she answered, somehow radiating in the cold January afternoon.

I opened my mouth and widened my eyes at her. “Do youlovehim?”

We were back to our teenage selves, gossiping about our crushes while painting our nails.

Emily looked down at the table, unable to conceal the huge grin across her face. “So very much, Han. It’s…he’s incredible,” she admitted, now earnest with her wide dough eyes looking up at me.

My heart sank a little – in the good way. I put my hand to my chest and got teary-eyed. My ?cousin, my best friend since we were born, was in love for the very first time. I quickly imagined our babies playing together.

“Em! That’s amazing!” I exclaimed.

She smiled wider.

“He just really gets me, you know? He knows everything about me and everything that runs through this crazy thing,” she pointed at her head, “and he still loves me. That takes someonereallyspecial.”

I knew the feeling all too well. Michael still somehow loved me, despite all of my many, many flaws. He still thought I was the most amazing, amusing, beautiful person and he made me feel like it too.

“I couldn’t see how anyone wouldn’t be in love with you,” I smiled at Emily, eyeing her contently.

She rolled her eyes at me, always unable to take compliments. It must have run in the family.

“How’s the wedding planning going?” she asked curiously, changing the subject.

“Really well. I think we have the venue picked out. I’m just waiting to hear back from them about the date,” I announced, almost wanting to keep it a secret – it was going to be extravagant, and very costly, but my dad insisted on an unlimited spending amount.

“What venue?” Emily questioned, holding onto her green tea with both hands.

I gave her a crooked smile. “All the details will be announced soon,” I said covertly, my eyes widening for effect.

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