Page 57 of Don't Leave Me

“Fine,” I moaned out, kicking the covers off of me. “I’ll come,” I eyed her, slowly smiling.

She jumped off the bed excitedly. “Good! Let’s get ready!”

The drive to Philadelphia from Brooklyn was a little under two hours. I kept glancing at my phone every 2 minutes, wondering if Michael was going to contact me or not. I had intentionally not called in sick to work because I knew he would ask where I was, and that would start a conversation between us,right?I watched the cars pass by as Emily tried to cheer me up, turning up the radio loud and being her usual giddy self and drivingwaytoo fast. Normally I would tell her to slow down, but I was secretly enjoying the thrill of her crazy driving.

We were in Philly by noon and I hadn’t heard from Michael yet. I helped Emily pack up a few essentials, leaving most of her stuff to be packed up by movers, and we started to reminisce as we packed up her framed photos; there were a lot of the two of us from when we were younger, a few from our late teenage years, and only one of us with Aunt Jenny.Jeez, Emily is looking more and more like her, I thought to myself as I stared down at the photo, Aunt Jenny’s bright blue eyes, dazzling dimples and wavy brown hair almost identical to Emily’s. And Emily and I in the photo were so young, probably about 12, and we looked so happy. We all looked so happy.

Emily took the picture from me and glared at it. “It’s crazy how looks can be so deceiving, isn’t it?” she asked, but it was more to herself.

She quickly tossed the picture into an unmarked box and sighed to herself before she looked at me, giving me her best smile. “Let’s get going.”

I was almost having fun while Emily and I were singing our hearts out to Beyoncé’ while we headed back to New York when I felt my phone vibrating in my lap. My heart dropped immediately when I realized it was a text from Michael. I didn’t waste any time opening it: “So I take it you’re taking the day off?” I rolled my eyes.That’s all he has to say?! It’s 3 in the afternoon…it’s obvious that I’m not coming in.I texted back, taking my time to respond: “You’re correct. I may not come in at all this week. Or ever again.” I was being childish and passive aggressive, but it was the only way I knew how to be. Surely he would call my bluff. Only moments later he responded: “Don’t do this, Hana.”Do what?I decided not to respond. I was in too good of a mood to start overanalyzing about Michael again.

Emily and I brought the necessities into her new SoHo apartment and we sat on her hardwood floor giggling as we lazily unpacked and put the Whip’s album on blast. She bobbed her head to the music as she laid out her dozens of shoes neatly on the floor.

“They’re really good. This is Jack and Adam’s band?” she raised her eyebrows at me, looking surprised.

I nodded. I wondered how Jack was.

“Jack seems to really like you. I mean, so does Michael, but…Jack just seems like he would worship your every word,” she smiled, eyeing me for a reaction.

I bit my lip; she was probably right. Just as I was flirting with the idea of me and Jack together, my phone began to buzz violently on the floor. I glanced at it and my heart dropped; it was Michael.

“I have to get this,” I said to Emily as I picked up my phone and stood up quickly, feeling lightheaded as I did so – I hadn’t been eating much lately.

She nodded and turned the music down a little bit as I walked out her front door and answered.

“Hi,” I sighed nervously.

“Hana, where are you?” he asked sternly, but I could tell there was worry in his voice.

I furrowed my brows as I paced the hallway in front of Em’s apartment.

“I’m with Emily,” I answered sharply; I don’t know why I was so being so short with him.Oh wait, now I remember – he left me hanging when I told him I loved him.

“Where?” he went on, ignoring my tone.

I rolled my eyes. “What’s it to you?”

I sound like a real bitch.

I could hear him sigh loudly. “I went to your apartment looking for you and Billie said she hadn’t seen you all day. I was just worried, Hana,” he responded, his tone more gentle now.

My heart ached a little.Damnit.

“Well, I’m fine. I’m at her apartment. I just…it was a real blow for me to tell you how I felt and for you to just…shut me out,” I admitted, getting teary-eyed, still pacing.

It was silent for a moment. “I understand, Hana. I’m just…I’m not able to express myself easily. And you telling me that was a bit of a shock,” he explained.

I scoffed immediately. “You’re giving me such mixed signals, Michael! You tell me that you’re crazy about me and you meet my parents and tell me that you always want me around and now this? What’s a real fucking shock was you just letting me go without trying to stop me, like you didn’t care how hurt I was and let me run off to go wallow in my own self-pity,” I cried, full on yelling now.

There was silence again; all I could hear was the pounding of my own heart and my short, quick sobs.

“I’m sorry, Hana. I don’t want to hurt you like this,” he said lowly, pain clear in his voice.

I didn’t know how to respond. It was my own fault – I really did expect too much from him. He warned me from the beginning and I ignored it; I just wanted him to be mine.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” I whispered, catching my breath as my crying started to subside.

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