Page 15 of Don't Leave Me

“Are you seeing anyone else?” I inquired quickly, feeling embarrassed as soon as I asked it.

Michael was suddenly amused again. “No, Hana. I’m quite pleased with what I have right now,” he admitted.

WHAT? WHAT? HOW IS THIS REAL?My mind was racing; I was simultaneously excited and confused.HE ONLY WANTS ME? IS THIS A DREAM? THIS HAS TO BE A DREAM.

“Don’t look so frightened. I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend or anything,” he laughed, standing up and walking to his closet.

I laughed half-heartedly. In my mind, I was already his girlfriend.

“What, you don’tdothe girlfriend thing?” I was feeling playful again as I watched him toss on a shirt.

He looked back at me with raised eyebrows. “I don’t like labels, Hana.”

I quickly rolled my eyes. Of course he would say something like that. I bet he tells every woman he sleeps with the same exact thing. But really, at that moment, I didn’t care. Well, I did care, but as long as I got to touch his body every once in a while, I was fine with whatever the hell he wanted. Okay, maybe I wanted more.Ugh, why do I have to make things so difficult?

I started to put on the clothes that I had tossed around the night before.

“I should get going,” I said, looking around his room for my purse.

“I made coffee,” Michael replied, pointing to the kitchen.

I sighed.We know nothing about each other.Might as well not even bother if he doesn’t want anything except sex from me.

“I’m alright. I don’t like coffee. I have plans this afternoon,” I said, sounding a little cold even to myself as I spotted my purse on an armchair and picked it up.

“Alright,” he said a little quietly, and I could see feel him watching me.

“I guess I’ll see you Monday?” I asked, finally looking at him.

His arms were crossed as he eyed me. He was brooding. My insides were doing all kinds of flips and turns and drops.

“Are you angry?”

I faked a laugh, pretending his question was absurd.

“No,” I shook my head.

I don’t know how convincing I was. He walked to me slowly as he still observed me.

He softly put his hand to my cheek. “I had a great time with you, Hana,” he said sweetly.

I was suddenly flustered, regretting my decision to leave so abruptly.

“Me too,” I breathed, my heart racing.

He smiled, looking accomplished, and removed his hand from my cheek. He motioned out his hand towards the door, indicating that I was free to leave. I bit my lip and lingered for a moment, arguing with myself internally, and my stubborn side won: I smiled back at him smugly and walked towards the door, holding my head up high.

“I’ll see you Monday then,” he repeated after he followed me and opened the front door.

I nodded and walked out, not hearing the door close behind me and knowing he was watching me walk to the elevators. The doors pinged open and I walked in, turning around to see Michael down the hall, leaning against the door frame, watching me with his dark, lustful eyes. My breathing sped up and I bit my lip as the elevator doors closed, and I continued to kick myself for not staying longer.So what if he doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend? Why should I deprive myself of his gorgeous, perfect body just because he doesn’t believe in labels? Because I can’t separate sex – amazing, kinky sex! – and my feelings for him. If I continue to be physical with him, I’ll just be setting myself up for heartbreak later down the road. Who cares? It’ll be worth it.These thoughts taunted me the entire train ride and walk home to Brooklyn.

* * *

“Hana! You home?” I heard Billie call out, startling me awake as I lay in bed, not even recalling laying down in the first place.

I guess I didn’t really get a lot of sleep last night, I smiled to myself.

“Yeah,” I answered feebly, sitting up.

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