Page 144 of Don't Leave Me

We were interrupted by the waiter, all of us hurriedly looking at the menu and ordering quickly.

“So, where are you staying now, Han?” Billie changed the subject.

“Oh, I’m staying with Jack,” I nodded, turning to smile at him.

Billie didn’t seem to like that answer. “Oh,” she nodded, her voice a pitch higher.

“Making up for lost time,” Jack added lightly with a smile. “We can’t get enough of each other,” he put his hand on my thigh.

Billie smiled. “Well, you know, Han…you’re always welcome back at the apartment,” she turned her attention to me.

I nodded, suddenly feeling nervous.Was she buying this?“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said lightly, then turned back to Jack. “I can’t see myself going anywhere soon though,” I added, looking down at Jack’s lips – then I realized how that must have sounded to him. I’m sure he was paranoid enough already. I was speaking too much. I quickly looked away and at Billie; she was carefully watching us.

“How’s the gallery running?” Jack casually changed the subject.

I kept silent for a few minutes, listening to them talk about art and difficult clients and about a new documentary that featured art basel. Our food came, interrupting the conversation yet again.

After we all ate, chatting between bites (the art talk continued – I’m sure since I was mostly quiet, it would go nowhere else), Billie wiped her lips with her napkin.

“I need the restroom. Hana?” she smiled warmly at me – I always accompanied her to the bathroom when we were together.

I looked at Jack quickly. He smiled at me. “Yeah,” I nodded at Billie, then stood up and followed her. As soon as the door shut behind us, Billie took my hand and pulled me towards the sink, turning the faucet on but not touching the water.

“What’s going on, Hana?” she asked in a loud whisper.

“What?” I felt my eyebrows furrow.

Oh my god, she knows.

She looked at me with disapproval – I knew the look well.

“I knew something was off when you invited Jack here after I offered to buy you a ‘ladies night’ dinner,” she explained.

I looked at her, confused. I didn’t know what Jack had said, or even what Billie had said in the text exchanges. I tried to be quick with my response.

“He just gets lonely. I’m literally his only friend,” I whispered, my eyes sad.

Billie scoffed. “Come on, Hana,” she tilted her head at me. “You’re being so careful around him. You flinch when he reaches for his drink. What’s really going on? I know you would never leave Michael. You were fucking crazy about him!”

My eyes widened. Adrenaline started to pulse through me. I had fantasized about this for two weeks – and now was my chance. I looked at the closed bathroom door, then back at Billie.

“Listen to me carefully, Billie,” my voice lowered. “I need your help.”

* * *

Billie.

I knew I was starting to fall out of love with John after he finished a 6-pack of Heineken, then three more of another pack. He drank like that almost every night now. He would get drunk and start ranting about how he hated the music scene in NYC now. He would get angry at me for not wanting to go out to a bar, then lock himself in his room and sulk, and then I would leave. I would say five nights out of seven he did that.

When he got an offer to be part of an LA-based indie band, one with relatively small fame, his anger subsided and he was immediately ready to pack his shit and leave. He didn’t even consider me at all in his decision – he was dead set on living in LA, leaving the east coast, whether I wanted to join him or not. I did not.

So we were over. And I was fine with it, I really was. I was only partly heartbroken, mostly because of all the great memories we made together, but I would move on. I always did. I was always “Miss Independent” and I was ready to be single again. I dove myself back into work, which was much needed since it had been my second priority with John in my life.

I headed back to work one breezy February morning, getting off the train and stopping at a cat cafe that I stopped at nearly every day. The cats in the window made my morning, even if just by getting a glimpse of them playing or napping. And then I saw a familiar figure – a slim, high-waisted jeans-wearing blonde, her hair messily in a bun but still so effortlessly cool. It was Hana, of course. I wasn’t sure how to react once she glanced up as she pet a grey cat. Her eyes widened, the surprise on her face making me smile. I waved. She waved back.

I knew I was being hard on Hana when she told me the news of her and Michael’s engagement. I knew that he took care of her, made sure she took her meds and got a good’s night sleep. I knew that he loved her and treated her like she was the only woman in the world. I could tell by all of her stories about him and by the way he looked at her and treated her, how they moved together so effortlessly. He was exactly what she needed. It was just such a quick dive, and I knew that deep down I was jealous. I hated to admit it to myself, but she had foundthe oneand I was stuck with an alcoholic that worried more about his reputation than anything else.

I wasn’t sure if I should’ve approached her or not –she probably wants nothing to do with me after the way I treated her. But she was my best friend after all and it was time to apologize. I headed for the entrance door and walked in, smiling broadly at Hana. She put a strand of stray hair behind her ear, looking nervous with her wide, green eyes and her smile not reaching her eyes.Yep, still angry at me. I suddenly regretted my decision.

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