Page 203 of Don't Leave Me

Michael stared at me in disbelief. “What exactly did you ask him to do?” he took my hand and guided me to sit next to him – now we were going to have a therapy session when all I wanted was for him to be inside of me.

I gulped as I stared down at the carpet. “I don’t…I don’t exactly remember. I had been drinking a lot that night and blacked out. I guess I asked him to do his worst…because I deserved it,” I shook my head at myself, trying desperately to remember.

“So he could have been making that up. He could have just done that to you because he wanted to,” Michael responded bitterly.

I turned to look at him and shook my head. “He said that I said things that I’ve been thinking for weeks. I told him that I deserved this life, that I needed to feel pain because I felt so guilty for hurting him before,” I argued, as if that justified his actions.

Michael narrowed his eyes. “Being so intoxicated that you black out, being unable to make rational decisions, means that you can’t give reasonable consent, Hana. He did that to youwithoutyour consent,” he explained.

I looked down at my hands, tears flowing down my cheeks.

“Hana,” Michael took my hand with his, his perfect manly hands on my small, weak ones. “You didn’t deserve anything that he did to you. He manipulated you and you fell for it.”

“I met with him behind your back, Michael. I had lunch with him the day he took me and I didn’t tell you about it. I was trying to be his friend without you knowing, and then he did all of this to me. Of course I deserved it!” I cried out, my self-loathing at its peak.

He quickly defended me. “Trying to be a decent human being doesn’t mean you deserved all of this, Hana. That’s such a small thing to punish yourself over,” He was now on his knees in front of me, begging me to believe him.

“I kept reeling him back in when you and I fought. I played with his heart so many times and didn’t think of the consequences. I broke his heart so many times,” I sobbed out.

Michael shook his head. “I’ve gotten my heart broken many times, Hana. I’ve been played with before. And I never went and kidnapped someone over it. That’s not justifiable behavior, Hana. You can’t feel responsible for how people react to things, for how people feel,” he went on calmly but sternly, trying to get me to understand.

I put my face in my hands. “But I get it. I get how someone could snap. I get how desperate someone could get,” I defended, trying to rationalize my feelings.

“Of course you do, Hana. Because you are a wonderful, empathetic, kind human being. But this time, it worked against you,” Michael explained. “He took advantage of your kindness. He took advantage of you this whole time.”

I looked up at Michael through my tear-soaked eyes. I knew that everything he was saying was true but I still couldn’t help but blame myself. All I could see in my head was the sweet, wounded Jack – not the scary one.

“I know,” I nodded. “I know. But I still care about him,” I admitted, the guilt still pulsing through my veins.

Michael nodded as if he understood. “I know. That’s how he got you to comply for long.”

How was Michael being so understanding? I shook my head and looked down at my hands.

“Why do you still love me? Why do you still want to be with me? Why are you doing all of this for me?” I asked with disbelief.

Michael looked at me, his face puzzled as if he were in disbelief. “Because I love you, Hana. You’re the love of my life. You’ve made my world a better place – you’ve helped me open up, become a better man, a better listener, a better human being. Because I couldn’t imagine living my life without you.”

I put my hand to his face, observed his wide, hopeful grey eyes, his perfect nose, his sculpted jaw. Everything that he had just told me made the feelings I had for Jack fall to the ground, only to be replaced by the feelings that I always had for Michael – the ones that I kept in that hidden, secret part in my heart that no one could touch. I pressed my lips to his and he whisked me up into his arms, taking me to the bed, and gave me the passionate love-making that I had longed for for weeks.

56

Chapter 56

Michael’s phone had been ringing repeatedly during the love-making session we had, but we ignored it, our need to be inside of each other taking priority over anything else. Once Michael peeled off of me, in a state of pure bliss making me forget there was a world outside of that hotel room, he walked to his on the other side of the suite. I watched his naked, perfect body and felt every butterfly in the northeast fly around in my tummy.

“Billie and Emily have been calling,” Michael said to me urgently, putting his phone to his ear. “I’m calling Emily back first,” he quickly pulled his boxer briefs on.

I watched Michael pace as he put his phone on speaker, the ringing after ringing making me nervous. Finally, after the fourth ring, she answered.

“Hey, sorry. I was on the other line with Billie. She’s at her parent’s house now, she left work early. You guys safe?” She sounded like she was walking on a busy street.

“Yes. Are you?” Michael asked, looking over at me and still eyeing my bruised body – he was so careful with me when we made love.

“Yeah. I’m back in Brooklyn, trying to avoid going home for the time being. Jack texted me already,” she responded casually.

“What did he say?” I asked nervously.

“He asked if I was with you, and when I said no, we parted ways like an hour ago, he asked where I last saw you. I told him at my apartment, like you guys told me to say. I said you were headed back home. I tossed your phone at the Spring Street station in front of an E train,” I could hear the smile in her voice, proud of herself.

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