Page 21 of Solstice

Fuck, that hurt.

I should be happy they’d finally learned to love each other, but it itched like a backward pet, and I couldn’t stand it. I rubbed my hands over my eyes and extracted myself from Ivy’s embrace, floating over Lex’s body to get out of bed. I grabbed a fuzzy throw blanket from a chair in the corner and wrapped it around my shoulders before slipping out of their bedroom to tread silently across the white carpeted hallway.

Tiptoeing downstairs for something to quench my thirst, my attention caught on the embers from the dying flames glowing in the fireplace, illuminating the room in a soft, hazy light. It reminded me of winters in Chicago, the cold wind blaring outside, the warm fire crackling all winter long. I opened the fridge and poured water into a cup, taking a long drink as I considered this new complication.

I knew what I had to do, of course. I couldn’t play a knight on TV forever. If I wanted to be as close to Lex and Ivy as they were with each other, I needed to come home. Just like Lex had made me promise.

If they were keeping their secrets, perhaps that was mine. I had done all of this for the fame and glory. I’d left them both after college for my name in bright lights and a star on an already crowded sidewalk. Now that I had it, I wasn’t sure I wanted it.

What would have happened if I had stayed? What would our lives have been had I fought for Ivy and Lex from the beginning? Would I get those long hours in bed with them, making love every night and taking care of them the way they wouldn’t take care of themselves? Somewhere in a parallel universe, another version of me had made that choice. What a lucky prick he was.

The snow glistened outside in the moonlight, playing across the forest undergrowth like a million tiny diamonds, dancing and shimmering just for me. Maybe the early morning chill would temper down the envious stab in my stomach, so I crossed the living room to the deck and slid the door open to step outside. Inhaling a deep breath, I shivered against the sudden burst of freezing air. The shock revitalized me, cooling the boil in my veins, and I stood there with my face toward the sky, breathing in the night.

The glass door behind me slid open, and I startled, narrowing my gaze on a rumpled Lex as he stepped out half naked, boxers barely clinging to his hips. God, I could fuck him senseless like this: hair messed from sleep, pouty lips so freaking bitable, long body lithe and strong.

“It’s too early for you to eye-fuck me, Chicago.” He closed the door behind him, cupping his hands to light the cigarette between his lips.

I shrugged. “Never stopped you before.”

He chuckled and handed the pack to me so I could take one if I wanted. I did, and he lit it while I inhaled. I didn’t usually smoke, and most of the time, I gave him shit for the amount he did. But on nights like tonight, with the thoughts rolling around in my stupid skull, I needed the extra buzz.

Lex stayed silent for a moment, but eventually, he raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips in my direction. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a loud thinker?”

I barked out a laugh, taking another drag on my cigarette. “Once or twice.”

“What are you worried about?”

I debated whether I should say anything. Being poly wasn’t all sunshine and orgies; it took a lot of communication to keep everyone from getting hurt and that was before we factored in things like a fairy curse and an adopted child from another realm. Even if I didn’t say anything, Lex would have been able to pry it out of me if he wanted.

“Last night was…” I rubbed at the back of his head and took another long inhale on the cigarette. “What’s going on between you and Ivy?”

Lex sighed. “I know I promised you to I’d be gentle with her, but she doesn’t want that. Not from me.”

I looked down to the ground between us, letting the shame of not being enough for her simmer through my veins, settling in my gut like sludge. Of course, that was the point, wasn’t it? I wasn’t enough for her, and she wasn’t enough for me. That was why there were four of us. It still chafed.

“So you’re fucking now?”

Lex narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me that bothers you.”

I swallowed, my throat burning like I’d inhaled an entire sun. “What if it does?”

Lex laughed, probably thinking I was kidding. When I snapped my gaze to his, he stopped. “Oh. Shit. Really?”

“Was she in your head?” My mouth thinned. “Were you in hers?”

The boulder on my chest grew heavier as I waited for Lex to confirm my suspicions. He didn’t understand. Ivy was mine.She’d always been mine.He didn’t want her until I had her and even then, he continued this farce of pretending to despise her. They’d both sworn no more secrets to me. I couldn’t go through that again. Perhaps the same realization dawned on him because his features softened, and he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, bringing our foreheads together.

“Chicago, it’s not like that.”

“No?” I tried to pull away from him. “Are you two telepathic or something?”

“We’ve been practicing on each other.”

“Practicing? What does that mean?”

“Don’t give me this shit, okay?” Lex’s eyes radiated with adoration even as he cursed at me. “You’ve been on my ass for years to make nice with her, and now that I have, you’re jealous?”

I didn’t say anything, just hugged my blanket tighter around me. Okay, that was fair, but it still hurt to be left out.

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