Page 93 of Solstice

“Are you really here?” I whimpered.

“I’m here, Juliet.”

“How did you get me alone?”

He laughed and kissed me. Not the way Ivy or Lex would have kissed me, but deep and passionate all the same. We were bound together, he and I. We had something no one else would ever understand, even if it was different from what we had with the other two.

“I bribed your assistant.” He grinned. “She’s a big fan, and she found out you and I have matching tattoos.” He held up his palm and pretended to be shocked. “What? Carter Scott and Miriam Stuart are besties? Is that what all that time out in California was about?”

I laughed and shoved his shoulders, playfully squaring my jaw. In that brilliant moment of reconnection, I forgot the reason why I’d stayed away. I forgot I had a filthy secret I struggled to hide as well as I used to. I had to stay away from them, fromallof them. This could turn bad so quickly, and I’d be powerless to stop it.

Carter ran his eyes over me, the weight of his gaze nearly drowning my lungs. I looked terrible; I knew I did. My eyes had sunk into my head and my cheeks had curved in. Every bone stuck out along my ribs, and no doubt he could feel that when he touched me. He didn’t say anything but didn’t have to. The thin set to his lips and the concern radiating out of his eyes said it all.

I cleared my throat and wrapped my arms around my torso, a self-conscious burn echoing over my skin. “It’s not what you think.”

“Jesus, Miri.” He ran his hands over my upper arms and shoulders to my neck, cupping my face. “You look horrible.”

“Shh.” I put my fingers over his lips. “Keep your voice down.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” His indigo eyes turned serious, and he put his hands on my shoulders, holding me still so he could get a good read on me. “Juliet?”

I licked my lips and sighed, tensing my muscles to keep them from trembling. “I don’t know.”

He blinked. “What? What do you mean you don’t know?” His expression dropped. “Have you seen a doctor?”

“Yes,” I hissed. “There’s nothing physically wrong with me. It’s just…stress.” I couldn’t tell him the truth, not now. Maybe not ever. I knew very well what was wrong with me, and he couldn’t do anything to fix it. None of them could.

“Stress.” Carter blew out a disbelieving breath and shook his head. “You should see Ivy.”

I snapped my gaze to his. I’d seen photos of her online and a few press junkets in the days leading up to the wedding. She had lost some weight, but she looked otherwise okay. “What are you saying?”

“You can’t be away from each other, and you know it.” His gaze pierced me, echoing the hurt and betrayal he must have felt inside. “It’s time to come home.”

“No.” I took a step back, breaking the connection between us as scalding tears slid down my cheeks. “This is for the best, Carter. I can’t—” I cleared my throat when it broke and tried again. “I’m tired of coming in third.”

That physically hurt him. Agony replaced the confusion in his expression, his brows furrowing, his lips pouting before thinning in response. He’d always been so beautiful, and I hated what I had to do to make him go. The lies I had to tell nearly gutted me, but I had to say them all the same. This would keep everyone safe, make sure I couldn’t hurt them.

“Third?” He shook his head. “Is that what you think?”

More tears slid down my cheeks, but these weren’t from the joy of seeing an old friend. This was the shame of knowing that all of this was my fault. I couldn’t keep the thistles going, and the king had likely gotten out because of it. All of this started because of me, because of what I’d done to him on Samhain, and now he could take my memories away from me and enter my mind whenever he wanted. I couldn’t trust myself. As long as I stayed away, they would be safe. I was too vulnerable where the king was concerned.

Besides, I didn’t have a right to call them my own, not anymore, no matter what the scars on our hands said. I’d agreed to marry someone else, and there was no going back now.

“Ivy and Lex, Ivy and you,” I continued, justifying my nonsense, “I can’t compete with that, and I’m done trying.”

Carter balked, his jaw falling open like I’d slugged him in the bollocks. “Ivy and…” He trailed off like he didn’t know what to say.

“It’s obvious that no matter what happens, Ivy is going to end up with one of you. And what do I get, huh?” It wasn’t true, and I only said it to hurt him. If Carter knew how vulnerable I was, if he knew that I’d agreed to the engagement with the prince, that I couldn’t trust my own mind…

No one will want you anymore,the darkness whispered.Oh, Little Thistle. Are we having fun yet?

It was all my fault. I was dirty, soiled, pathetic. I swallowed back the terrible memory and shook my head, sobbing as more tears spilled over my face. None of that mattered anymore. The same reasons that held us back before were still there today. In fact, thebiggestreason was happening tomorrow on international television, much to my complete and utter agony.

“What do you get?” His voice smacked with the pain and desperation that had been building in the weeks since we’d seen each other. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to regain the composure I had walking in here. Our joyful reunion had to end. I couldn’t be caught alone in a closet with him. The Prince of Monaco woulddefinitelynot like that. “Forget I said it. Carter, you have to go.”

“What is going on with you?” He closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me again. I tensed and broke away, needing more space, ignoring the hurt look in his eyes. “What happened to all we have is us?”

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