Page 2 of Delayed Penalty

Lawson: Speaking of dads…Hayes, you there?

Lawson: Because I texted everyone for a totally important reason, and I need ALL of your attention.

Me: I’m here.

Lawson: Good. Now, gather around, everyone…

Lawson: You guys ever had a fart you feel like is going to change your life and you forget you’re lying next to your girl, and you just let it rip?

Fox: Wow. Good morning to us.

Me: More like good morning to Rory.

Hutch: Please tell me you didn’t.

Locke: It’s Lawson. Of course he did.

Keller: Every day, I wonder what random thing will come out of your mouth that makes me wish I never met you. It’s not even eight AM, and you’ve already accomplished that. Kudos to you.

Me: I bet Rory wishes she never met him right now.

Lawson: Wow. Rude. She loves me.

Lawson: At least I hope she still does.

Lawson: IDK. She hasn’t made eye contact with me all morning.

Lawson: DID I FUCK THIS UP ALREADY????

Fox: Nah, man. You’re fine.

Me: No. Definitely not.

Locke: I’m sure it’s not a big deal.

Hutch: I fart in front of Auden all the time.

Lawson: Really?

Hutch: No, fuckwad. I have manners.

Lawson: UGH!

Lawson: What do I do??? I’m freaking out!

Keller: You should move. Far, far, far away.

Lawson: Like to your apartment, Kells? You’d take me in, right?

Keller: I’d take you OUT.

Lawson: I’m flattered but taken.

Keller: *knife emoji*

Lawson: But seriously…nothing to worry about, right?

Keller: Wrong. You have everything to worry about.

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