Page 105 of Between Now and Forever

When I get backto Winsome, everything is exactly as it was when I left almost six months ago.

Except me.

And I don’t mean because I’m blonde again. As jarring as my change in appearance is to a lot of people, it’s nothing in comparison to what’s happened inside of me.

My father is smug when I return.

I’m happy for the reminder that he has no clue that I’ve already won.

It will mean dancing with the devil and making love to lies, but for the chance to get away from these people, I’ll do it.

The woman I discovered during my time away is the real me. And now I know that whether I’m blonde or brunette, rich or poor, married or single, I’m always strong and tenacious.

I will never stop trying to get free. Not just for myself but for the little girl I already love.

To make sure I don’t lose sight of myself again, the first thing I do when I get home is sketch and then paint the woman I’m working to free.

Those aremyeyes that are boldly daring the world to try and tame me.Myunyielding jaw,mychin held high,mylips curved in a sensual, knowing smile. My birthmark is uncovered and instead of a stain, it’s become a badge of honor. It’s the thing that saved me from being just like these people. If I’d been born with the misfortune of perfection, if I hadn’t had to prove myself to these people, I might never have known this woman who lives inside me.

I’m not the girl whose parents didn’t love her more than they hated living with each other.

Not a whiff of the Liz whose mother left her to be raised by a man who they call The Wolf.

The woman who lives inside of me is a galaxy of color, light, strength, and power hurtling through space looking for a place to call home. She won’t settle for anything less.

She isn’t afraid of canyonless valleys or undammed rivers.

Or wolves. The only thing that truly scares her is also her motivation—never leaving Winsome, never knowing what other wonders are waiting for me in the world.

When I’m finished with the portrait, I take a picture of the painting with my phone, upload it onto my IG account, then, I cut it into pieces it and throw it away.

It wounds my spirit to destroy my work. My heart breaks at my hand’s traitorous destruction.

I soothe the burn of it with the knowledge that this is all temporary.

I’ve taken control away from my father. Soon, I’ll be able to walk awayandI’ll be in a position to make sure my sister has choices that I didn’t.

Once I’m free of these people, I will never let anyone hold a gun to my head again.

21

WIN SOME, LOSE SOME.

CARTER

“My car should arriveat 5:00 p.m. If anyone else calls or stops by, I’m not here.”

“Even your mother?” my doorman asks nervously.

“Especiallymy mother.”

“Oh…shit,” he mutters and looks over his shoulder in the direction of the door to the management office.

Unease prickles and I start to back away from the reception desk.

“What’s going on?”

The door opens and my mother steps out. Her face is drawn, her eyes are anxious.

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