Page 16 of Choosing Skyler

He has me wrapped up in both arms, one around my waist and the other along my spine so he can grip the back of my neck. He holds me through what I’m pretty sure is my firstrealorgasm. I mean, I’ve touched myself before, but it’s never felt like this. Even when the trembling stops, he doesn’t let go. He just loosens his grip a little. His kisses soften and he holds onto me like I’m something precious. Like I’mhis girl.

Brady

This was not where I saw our night going when I started making my drink earlier. After Devon’s challenge aboutifshe was my girl, I’d intended to kiss her demons away like he said and then talk to her about what she wanted fromus. But when she moaned… it was like a damn siren song. When she let go it was like a phoenix taking flight and she wasmagnificent. Even as her body comes down and she settles against me I still don’t want to release her. So, I continue to kiss her softly and hold her gently.

I heard her tell Devon earlier that she trusted me and that was like winning a gold medal in a race I didn’t even know I’d entered. I also heard the rest of their not so quiet conversation and got the confirmation of what I’d suspected. She’s a virgin. Hell, knowing how skittish and insecure she is, this was probably the first orgasm she’s had that she didn't give herself. So, I’m not sure how she’s going to react.

I’ll admit it. I’m scared and if she weren’t still in my arms kissing me, I’d probably be in the middle of my own panic attack at the thought of losing something I didn’t even think I wanted until I met her yesterday. I’ve never believed in insta-love. Hell, I’ve never believed in any love other than the kind you get from family and rare friends like Devon. But here we are. It may be too soon to call it love, but it’s definitely insta-something.

She straightens and looks at my face. I’m worried about what her reaction will be now that her lust isn’t driving her, but she just reaches one hand around to cup the side of my face and kisses me again. I nuzzle into her hand like a cat. She giggles and the sound is like bells.

I pull her into me again and deepen the kiss. Not to try to ramp up the lust again, but to keep her withme. I’ll fight her demons with her every damn day to keep her with me and away from them. I don’t know everything about what or who caused them, but I do know that she deserves to feel this instead of the torment that plagues her mind. But that decision has to be hers.

So, I straighten and step back but keep my hand on the back of her neck. It’s a light contact but one that grounds her to me, tous.

“You are so beautiful,” I tell her.

She blushes and giggles again. “You may have mentioned that a time or two.” She’s trying to lighten the mood and I let her.

“Oh, did I?” I chuckle. “Well, I’ll try to refrain, but I don’t think I’ll succeed.”

She sobers a little and looks down. I drop my hand from her neck waiting for her to pull away or push me back, but she doesn’t. She just nibbles on her bottom lip. I lift her face with a finger under her chin until her eyes find mine.

“What is it, Beautiful?” I ask and she preens a little at the nickname.

“Um, I don’t want you to refrain. Ilikeit when you call me ‘Beautiful.’ I don’t want you to stop. I don’t wantthisto stop,” she says quietly, straightening up to kiss me again.

I kiss her back softly and then step back, holding out my hand for her to take. As much as I want to kiss and hold her all night, a conversation is in order and it’s not happening with her sitting on the damn counter.

She takes my hand and hops down, stumbling slightly. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her into my side, guiding her into the living room. I step away and sit on the end of the couch, leaving the rest of the sofa free for her to choose how close she wants to sit.

She surprises me by sitting sideways in my lap with her back against the high arm of the couch and her legs stretched out in front of her, crossed at the ankles. Her arm rests along the top of mine and she reaches her hand behind my head to run her fingers through my hair and scratch the back of my head. I lean my head back into her hand and groan, closing my eyes and soaking up her affection. Then, I remember why I pulled her in here and sit up, breaking the contact. She drops her hand and her eyes to her lap.Shit.

“Look at me, Beautiful,” I say softly. She doesn’t look up, just keeps staring at her lap, nibbling on her bottom lip again. I try again. “Please.” Nothing.I’m losing her,I think.

So, I do what I did earlier, after her panic attack. I demand it. “Look. At. Me. Skyler.” Her head snaps up. “There you are. Don’t leave me like that.”

She rolls her eyes. “I didn’t leave. I’m sitting right here… in your lap.”

“That’s not…” I stammer. “Please, don’t shut me out. I want to talk and make sure we’re on the same page and that’s going to be hard enough with you in my lap, never mind your hands on me.”

“Oh,” she says with a shy smile, and I know I’ve got her back. “Okay, you talk because I don’t even know what to say.”

“I just want you to tell me what you need, Beautiful,” I tell her earnestly. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. No matter what it is. Just be honest with me.”

“I don’t know…” she starts before closing her eyes as if getting her thoughts together.

So, I sit, waiting. My chest tightens and I feel the room start spinning while I wait for her to continue. My breaths start to come faster, and her eyes fly open.

“Brady! Are you okay? No, no, no. Shit. I’m sorry,” she says, recognizing the early signs of a panic attack. She turns and straddles my lap, grabbing my hand and placing it on her chest, over her heart. Then, she puts my other one on my own chest.

“Breathe with me, Brady. Stay with me.That’swhat I need! I need you tostaywith me. I need you tochoose me,” she says as she takes slow, deep breaths. “You’re safe. I’ve got you. Breathewithme.” She repeats it over and over.

At this point I’d usually be putting my head between my knees, but I can’t do that with her in my lap. So, I concentrate on her voice, her hands covering mine on our chests, her chest rising and falling with each breath, and I try to match mine to hers. My breathing slows and the band in my chest loosens. I keep matching her breaths and listening to her voice until it finally releases completely, and I let out a long, heavy exhale.

She just stopped my panic attack dead in its tracks. That has NEVER happened. I look into her sky-blue eyes, and I feel like I’m flying.

I snatch my hands from under hers and shake off the rest of the tremors. Then, I cup her cheeks and run my thumbs under her eyes, wiping away the tears on her cheeks.Tears for me.

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