Page 48 of Always Been You

When I open the door, all thoughts leave my brain. I didn’t hear him come in, but Josh is standing at the end of the bed in a pair of black dress slacks and a light blue button-down shirt. He’s left the top few buttons undone and I can see his perfectly sculpted chest. I watch as he rolls up the sleeve of his right arm to his elbow to match his left. As he rolls up the sleeve, I can see the veins and muscles move with the movements. His hair is unruly like it usually is when he’s been running his hands through it throughout the day. He lookssexy like this, watching how confident he is in himself. I see it every day in the way he walks and does everyday tasks. I squeeze my legs together, hoping to quench the desire growing between them. I can feel my skin getting warm and a flush move up my neck and across my cheeks.

Josh looks up at me with a smile and does a head-to-toe look over me as well, and his smile broadens. He looks over me again and clears his throat. He adjusts himself in his slacks and I smile to myself.

“You look amazing, babe. Are you ready to go?” he asks.

I close the distance between us and grip the open parts of his button-down. “You don’t look so bad yourself. Just let me put my shoes on and I am ready.”

I go onto my tiptoes to kiss him, and he wraps his arms around my waist, resting his combined hands on the top of my ass. He kisses me intensely, but slowly, savouring it. “Let’s get out of here,” he whispers across my lips.

He steps away, allowing me to move around him and grab my shoes. I quickly slip them on and grab my purse, throwing my phone inside it. It’s warm enough outside that I shouldn’t need a jacket, so I leave it behind and head to the door of the hotel room.

We leave the room and Josh grabs my hand as we make our way out through the hallway. Arriving in the lobby, I look at the girl who checked us in and smile and wave as she watches us leave, walking hand-in-hand.

We walk a few blocks until we reach the centre of the village. There are people all around, going between shops and heading into restaurants. Josh leads us toward an elegant restaurant, the outside walls made completely of windows. He opens the front door, gesturing for me to enter. The hostess takes us straight to our table. The atmosphere is expensiveand romantic. Soft music plays throughout the restaurant, the lights are low, and candles flicker on the tables. There is enough space between the tables to offer privacy.

When we make it to our table, Josh pulls my seat out for me and gives me a kiss on the cheek once I’m seated. I sink into the comfortable black leather chair and run my hands over the black tablecloth, the fabric is soft under my fingers and feels expensive.

We browse the menu, selecting drinks, an appetizer to share, and our entrees. As our server leaves after delivering our drinks, Josh asks, “So, why Whistler?”

I take a sip of my drink. “It’s been a while since I’ve been here. When I came last time, it was only for a single day. I wanted to come again and enjoy it more. We live so close to all these amazing places, and we rarely take advantage of them. I want to change that this summer. I want to find myself again, to be really, truly happy again.”

“You’re right. We do live so close to all these amazing places. I’m glad that I get to enjoy them with you this summer.” He leans forward, placing his forearms on the table, “Were you not happy before, Olivia?”

I roll the question around in my mind. I don’t know how to articulate how I’ve been feeling over the last few years. I know I haven’t felt like myself. I don’t think I was super happy. While I was with Drew, I stopped doing some of the things I used to love because they didn’t align with his interests. I lost myself in the relationship. I don’t think I truly realized that until I was out of the relationship.

“I haven’t felt like myself in the last few years. I dropped some of the things and connections that I had, and because of that, I wasn’t truly happy. I just was.” I lift my right shoulder, finishing the thought.

Josh seems to ponder over what I’ve just told him. It’s a lot to tell someone that you’ve spent the last few years unhappy and were just going through the motions of life. I’m not sure how I would process that if one of my friends or Josh told me the same.

“Are you finding that happiness again?”

“Yeah, I think I am.”

I pick up my drink and take another sip. That’s the truth. These last few weeks I’ve felt a change in myself. I’ve spent more time with my friends and with my family. I’ve been taking time to read and go for walks. Being with Josh makes me happy, the way that he always checks in with me, making sure that I am comfortable with what’s going on. The simplicity of eating dinner together and sitting on the couch with him after he gets home from work. How he lets me be entirely myself when we are together, no talks of me attempting to change something about myself to better suit him. All these changes in my life have me feeling incredibly happy.

We continue to talk. He tells me about the small travelling he did to surrounding cities while he was at Harvard, and I tell him about some of the stupid stuff that Hannah, Zoey, Eliza, and I got into while at UBC. When we finish our entrees, my phone starts to buzz in my purse. I silence the call without checking it and we continue our conversation. My phone rings again and I check it in case it’s important. It’s an unknown number, which means it’s likely Drew, and I silence it immediately.

“Is everything okay?” Josh asks. I can hear the concern in his voice, but it also feels like his voice is so much further away than it is.

I don’t want to talk to Drew ever again. There is no reason for us to. I’ve been ignoring his texts. I thought that mightbe enough of a hint. The phone rings again. I silence it and turn my phone off, this time putting it back in my purse. The messages that Drew has been sending have been a mix of I miss you, we can work this out, you won’t find anyone better than me, and do you really think someone is willing to help you get better? Every time I read his texts, I feel like the world around me is closing in. I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging. I can’t make out what is going on around me. My body feels tense and I just want to fall in on myself.

“Babe?” Josh asks. Reaching across the table, he grabs my hand, giving it a quick squeeze, pulling me from this horrible feeling. He brings back into the present and I can feel my body slowly relax.

I look up and make eye contact with him, concern is written all over his face. What would he say if I told him that Drew was trying to contact me again, that he’s been texting me and now he’s calling me? I don’t want to ruin our trip, so I decide that I’ll tell him later.

“Yup, all good. It’s nothing important.” My voice is soft and unsure. He gives me a skeptical look, but he decides not to press the issue and nods.

We decide against dessert. Josh pays our bill, and we head out into the warm summer night. Josh slips his hand into mine as we walk back to the hotel. When we get outside the hotel entrance, we find a bench across the street and sit down. I tilt my head back and stare up at the sky, taking in the view of the mixing colours as the sun begins to set. The actual sunset won’t happen for a bit, but I enjoy watching the sky change slowly from day to night. I enjoy the transition period when the world often moves from the hustle and bustle to a more relaxed state as people head home and spend time with family and friends, to curl up with a book, or watch movies.I can feel the change in the air as people slowly wind down from the activities of the day.

“It’s peaceful here,” Josh says softly beside me.

I lean against his side, and he wraps an arm around me. I feel safe in this spot. I’ve noticed that just having Josh near me makes me feel safe.

“Yeah, it is. I enjoy living in the city, but I enjoy the silence and nature of being further away too. It makes sense that this place is so popular for tourists.”

“Do you always want to live in the city?”

“I don’t know. I know I want a proper backyard when I have kids. I don’t want them only surrounded by concrete. If I could find that and afford it in the city, I might consider it.”

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