Page 76 of Always Been You

“We all have different lists, and it varies depending on our moods usually,” Hannah says.

“Depending on our moods sometimes it’s the more morally grey characters, other times it’s the more golden retriever, although Liz, I think your list is usually more morally grey, not sure how that happened, I would have thought that would be more of a Liv thing,” Zoey says with a chuckle.

“Morally grey?” Now it’s Josh questioning us.

“Yeah, the mafia guys, the serial killers, the stalkers. They often have the ‘touch her and die’ vibe going on,” Hannah says.

“And why do you think Olivia would be more into the morally grey book boyfriends?” Josh asks.

“Because there is a sense of security that comes with them, as well as a sense of devotion,” Zoey says. “Liv, who is your top morally grey book boyfriend?”

“Zaddy Zade,” the words are out of my mouth before I have even had a chance to think them through. All heads turn to me. Matt and Josh have quirked eyebrows, “Zaddy Zade?” Matt asks.

“No comment,” I say as I curl into myself. Why the fuck did I add the Zaddy in there? Why couldn’t I just say Zade? This is not a conversation I want to have with my brother, boyfriend, and their friends.

The girls are all giggling in their chairs; I grab an empty can and throw it in their general direction, and it hits Hannah in the arm. She puts her arms up in surrender and tries to reign in her laughter and nudges Zoey, who is sitting beside her.

“Who is this Zaddy Zade?” Josh asks with a hint of laughter in his tone.

I mimic zipping my lips and throwing the key away, and then the guys look to the girls, and Zoey is the one to crack, “Fine, Zaddy Zade is Zade Meadows from Haunting and Hunting Adeline, he stalks her in the first book and is determined to make Addie his. Zade would basically burn the world for her if she asked.”

Everyone’s eyes are on me now. “Hey, you all liked Zade too, not just me and I have more golden retriever energy ones on my list. Garrett Graham, Dean Di Laurentis, Nate Hawkins, all three of the Cane Brothers, although Huxley is more grump than a golden retriever, same with Brendan Taggart, Fox Thornton, the Eden brothers, Dylan Reed, the Rhodes Brothers, Dante Romano, Aiden Graves, Jack Hawthorne, Evan Zanders, Ryan Shay, top tier book husband for sure, Damien Martinez, Nathan Donelson, and that’s only part of my non-morally grey list, which is significantly longer than the morally grey list,” I say trying to take the attention off the fact that my first response was Zade.

“You just listed, like, 18 guys there and some were brothers, so there are more and that’s just part of your list of non-morally grey book boyfriends?” Grayson asks, his voice laced with confusion.

“Sounds about right,” Hannah says before taking a sip of her drink.

“Yup,” Zoey and Liz say too. “All our lists are very similar, but our top ten or so is what changes depending on our moods. I would 100% agree with the guys on Liv’s list so far, although remind me of Nathan Donelson?” Zoey asks.

“Cheat Sheet,” I say, and the girls all make sounds of recognition.

“I’d say that Damian is also a top-tier book husband, but that’s me,” Hannah adds.

“Oh, yeah, of the list Ryan, Damian, Knox, Nate, Jack, and Garrett are all book husband level,” I agree.

Zoey and Liz nod their heads in agreement. “Sometimes I think I’d add Huxley too, depending on my mood,” Liz adds.

The guys all look at us with confusion. “Would you take these book boyfriends over a real guy?” Caleb asks.

“No,” I respond quickly. I can see the smile playing on Josh’s lips at my quick answer. Josh gives me everything I need. I couldn’t even imagine trading him for anyone else.

“I’d take me a Damian Martinez right about now,” Zoey says.

“That man eats pussy like it’s his favourite pastime,” Hannah says and I can hear a couple of the guys choke on their drinks, and the girls and I break out laughing.

“Is that why he’s a top-tier book husband?” Matt asks.

“No, it’s the way he makes her feel about herself, how he helps her self-esteem after she finds out her boyfriend was cheating on her because she was ‘too much’ because of her love of pink and how her ex had said that what she does for work is pathetic, and commented on her size, then when Damian finds out the petty little revenge pranks she pulls on him because of all of that, he’s proud of her, he builds her up while letting her be herself,” Zoey says while looking at Josh.

I know what she’s doing. She’s comparing him with Damian, and she’s right. They are alike in many ways. “Plus the man loves to eat pussy and always knows how to make his girl come, and usually more than once,” Zoey adds, still looking at Josh.

“So, you idealize these male characters because they treat the female main characters how you would want your man to treat you,” Caleb summarizes.

“Have you guys come across so many shit guys that you now idealize these fictional ones?” Grayson asks skeptically, andthe four of us girls all swing our heads in his direction with very serious expressions as we all say, “Yes,” at the same time.

“You all realize that not all men are the same, right?” Grayson asks.

“Rich, coming from you,” Hannah mumbles just loud enough that everyone could barely hear her.

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