Page 32 of Saving You

I’ve never brought anyone here. It’s a place I came to after my first tour with a buddy I served with. We frequented it during our leave, and when he didn’t make it home, I couldn’t bring myself to share it with anyone else. But now, now, I want to share it with Bailey and Charlie. I may not be able to completely open up to them yet, but this is a first step. Sharing this isn’t going to be easy.

I find parking right in front of the restaurant and jog around the truck, opening Bailey’s door and helping her out before I go to the back and grab Charlie. Opening the front door of the restaurant, the smell of spices and pasta hits me.

The terracotta-orange walls and the pictures bring me back to the late nights here with Tyler. I remember sitting at a corner table laughing for hours as he did some impression or told me stories from his childhood.

The memory is ripped away as the sounds of his screams invade my senses. I stiffen and start turning my head rapidly, looking for him. Looking for my friend as he cries out in pain. The smell of sand replaces thesmell of food, and my nose scrunches. I hate that smell.

My skin radiates with heat, and I feel a soft hand on my arm. I want to flinch, to pull away or shove it away, but I force myself to remain still. It gently squeezes my arm, and then I hear my name. My head snaps in the direction of the sound, and the sounds of the past begin to fade as I slowly come back to the present.

Bailey’s eyes captivate and hold me in place. She doesn’t say anything else. Her nose flares as she takes a deep breath, her eyes encouraging me to do the same. I mimic her, inhaling deeply and allowing the air to fill my burning lungs. I hold it with her, releasing it as I feel her warm breath dance over my skin.

We do this two more times; me following her lead as we breathe together. Her face is full of worry, and I do my best to offer her a reassuring smile.

The bustling restaurant and smell of the food replace the screams and sand. My skin feels cool again, except for the spot where Bailey’s hand is squeezing my arm.

“Is Caleb okay?” A note of fear fills Charlie’s voice as she asks the question.

I look down at her and see it in her eyes too. I crouch in front of her, taking her hands in mine.

“Yeah, Little Bear, I’m okay. I haven’t been to this place in a really long time. I’ve only come here with one other person. I was just remembering them.”

Charlie nods, and I look at Bailey. I can tell she knows they weren’t all good memories I was experiencing.I’m okay,I mouth to her, and she nods slightly. I plaster a smile on my face and approach the hostess stand to give them my name, and they lead us to a table in the corner.

CHAPTER 11

Bailey

Caleb’s entire demeanour changed the second we walked into the restaurant. It was like he completely disassociated. His head jolted as he looked around. His eyes were wide and alert, and at one point, his nose scrunched, almost in disgust. Not wanting to startle him, I placed a hand on his arm and softly squeezed as I whispered his name. When his eyes found mine, I knew what he was experiencing at that moment wasn’t pleasant. There was pain written all over his face, but mainly in his eyes. His steel-grey eyes were darker than I’d ever seen them, and his pupils were as wide as saucers.

Using my eyes, I encouraged him to breathe with me, and he did. I’m sure the smile he offered me after was meant to be encouraging, but it didn’t fool me. Whatever he had gone through in those minutes had been difficult for him.

Seeing him reassure Charlie was a whole other thing. He told her the truth without telling her too much. So many people hide things from kids, but they’re smart and observant. They notice things most people don’t, and I know Charlie could tell Caleb wasn’t acting like he usually does. She seemed satisfied with his answer, andshe took his hand as the hostess led us to our table.

I read over the menu as Caleb helps Charlie decide what to get. They decide on a Shirley Temple and spaghetti. He gets lasagna, and I get ravioli. Caleb and I sit in rapt attention as Charlie tells us her favourite things about skating tonight and how she wants to do it again.

I can tell Caleb isn’t as relaxed as he was before we stepped into the restaurant. His shoulders are pulled back and tension radiates off him. He smiles at Charlie as she talks. I know his smile is real because of the wrinkles around his eyes, but it doesn’t have its usual brightness.

Reaching across the table, I grab his hand and squeeze it. His head turns, and he meets my gaze. His eyes dart between where I’m holding his hand and my eyes. After a few seconds, I watch his body relax slightly and I smile as he squeezes my hand back.

Our hands stay intwined as we talk until our food is delivered. Caleb is reluctant as he pulls his hand away from mine for the server to put our food down. Caleb helps Charlie with everything she needs. I’m so used to having to help her with her food whenever we go out to eat that it’s weird to sit here and be able to just eat my food. We all talk and laugh with each other, and it’s beginning to feel like the most natural thing in the world. The three of us are so comfortable with each other, as if this isn’t new.

After we finish our pasta, Caleb and Charlie decide to share a dessert. They order a brownie covered in vanilla ice cream, chocolate, and caramel drizzle. Caleb pays the bill, and we gather our jackets and scarves and head to his truck. I stand back and watch as he helps Charlie get settled into the booster seat he bought. I’m still in shock and awe at the fact this man went out and bought it. Not only did he buy a booster seat for her, but he did the research and found the best-rated one.

When Derek and I had Charlie, I was the one who pushed for us to get everything ready to bring her into this world. I did the research and the budgeting. I made a list of everything we needed and put together a registry. Seeing someone else value my daughter enough that they went through the trouble her father wouldn’t has me wanting to melt into a puddle. But I can’t. I have to remember that Derek was sweet in the beginning too. It was after we got married that things changed. Then, the yelling started. The blaming me for everything that went wrong started. And after Charlie was born, the physical violence started.

First, it was just grabbing my arms tightly while yelling in my face because he was mad she was crying and I hadn’t stopped it. Then it escalated to him hitting me because the house wasn’t clean, Charlie was crying, and, in his words, all he wanted was some goddamn peace and quiet and a clean fucking house.

For years, I blamed myself. For years, I covered the bruises and didn’t say anything, pushing through, thinking things would get better and my relationship would go back to the way it was before because I loved him. That was until he threw me down the stairs one day because Charlie had drawn on the walls in the upstairs hallway. That was my breaking point. Charlie had seen the whole thing. She was young enough that I’m not sure if she remembers it, but I couldn’t risk it happening again.

I went to the hospital with four broken ribs, cuts all over my face, a split lip, and a bruised tailbone. That night after the visit to the hospital, I took Charlie to Lily’s and filed for divorce the next morning. There was no going back for me.

I got the house when the divorce went through as I had inherited it from my parents when they passed, so Derek had to find somewhere else to go. He spent the next few months love-bombing me, trying to get me to change my mind. He apologized for throwing me down the stairs, saying it would never happen again. He started telling me about all the amazing things he would do for me if only I’d take him back. But I held strong. I knew I couldn’t put Charlie in that situation again.

I was granted full custody, but Derek was granted supervised visits with Charlie. As he had not previously shown any violent tendencies with her, I couldn’t keep her away from him. So that meant every other weekend, I was forced to see him. Forced to face the man who had hurt me, both physically and emotionally.

He used his visits to try to win me back, but I kept forcing his attention back to Charlie. Having him arrested is likely the only reason I haven’t heard from him recently, and I thank God for that.

Caleb opens my door for me and helps me up before leaning across and doing my seat belt for me.

---