Page 48 of Saving You

“It’s a lot to process. Are you sure you want to hear this story?” I force myself to look at her so I can gauge her response.

I can see the steeliness in her eyes, and she squeezes my hand. “Yeah, Caleb. I want to know whatever you’re willing to tell me. About anything.”

I lean back in my chair, and my eyes find that blank spot again. I haven’t told anyone this. The thought that I’m willing and about to tell Bailey shows me I feel safer with her emotionally than I have in any other relationship in my life.

“Tyler and I served in the same unit. He became my best friend. We spent our leaves together, met each other’s families, and had each other’s backs. Always. During our last tour, we were patrolling a small village in Iraq. We were on our way to see a family who claimed to have information for us. We were ambushed on our way to their home. All hell broke loose as gunfire rained on us.”

I can hear the sounds of the guns going off and the cries of people as bullets hit them. The smell of sand fills my nose and lungs. My breath starts to come faster and more shallow. Bailey squeezes my hand, and I close my eyes, taking deep breaths and counting. After three counts of eight in and eight out, I open my eyes again. Bailey’s eyes catch mine. There is no fear in them, just empathy. It gives me the strength to continue.

“One of the bullets went straight through Tyler. At first, I thought the bullet got stuck in his plate carrier. There was no blood. I waited for him to sit up, but then the blood started to appear and it came fast. I held pressure on the wound. I tried to keep him awake so we could get him loaded on a chopper. I kept talking to him. I did everything I could.”

My words get caught in my throat, and heat builds behind my eyes. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my thighs. I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands, the pressure helping to hold back the tears.

“I could see him fading. I saw his life leaving right before my eyes. When I went to call for help, I was met with the barrel of an AK-47. I swore I was a dead man. In those three seconds, I had resigned myself to my fate. But just as his finger was about to twitch and pull the trigger, a shot rang out and a bullet went straight through his head. I felt relieved I hadn’t been killed. Then the guilt flooded me. I was kneeling over my dead best friend and I was feeling relieved. What kind of person kneels over their dead best friend and feels that way?”

I can’t look at her, I can’t see the disgust I know will be written all over her face. She squeezes my hand, and I continue to look at the floor between my legs. Her chair scrapes across the floor, and the next thing I know, she’s kneeling between my legs, making eye contact with me. I don’t see disgust on her face, though. I see sadness and empathy.

She reaches up and places her hands on both sides of my face. “You had every right to feel relieved in that moment. Any normal person would feel relief. I can see you, touch you, smell you. I know that you’re right here. You’re with me, but hearing you tell that story, I felt relief when you said the man holding the gun to you was killed. Your feelings don’t make you less than. They don’t make you a bad person. They make you human. You, Caleb Sutton, are a good man. Please don’t question that.”

She lifts herself up, and her lips brush over mine. I close my eyes at the contact, savouring the feeling. My entire body hums with electricity. I reach out and wrap my arms around her, holding her to me. She places soft kisses on my cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, and neck. Each time her lips touch my skin, it sends another hum of electricity through me, but they also calm me. And not just my body, but my soul. I’ve been more open with her than I have been with anyone else in my life. No one has heard the full story. The military got a very technical recall for the KIA report. Grayson, my mom, and Max know that Tyler was killed during my last tour, but they don’t know any specifics. Especially not the feelings I felt over it.

I sometimes still wonder about what his life would be like if the roles were reversed. He and his girlfriend were talking about trying for a baby. He wanted a daughter so badly. He kept talking about how cool it would be to be a girl dad. The two of them loved each other fiercely. Would the world be better if I was the one that was shot instead? Would Tyler and Tayna be married? Have a few kids running around?

“Stop that.”

Bailey’s words rip me from my thoughts.

“I can see you’re going somewhere dark. A what-if place. Don’t.”

She holds eye contact with me until I nod.

“Please don’t think less of yourself over any of this, Caleb. I don’t see you as less than.” She gets up, standing between my legs. “I need to check on Charlie and I need to get ready for work.” Her hand runs through my hair a few times. “Thank you for sharing that with me. It means a lot to me.”

She leans down and kisses my forehead before making her way upstairs. I need to shower, so I make my way upstairs too. I shower quickly and change into my uniform, taking my gun from the safe in my room and securing it on my hip. I jog down the stairs and fill two to-go mugs with coffee, making one for me and one for Bailey. I meet her and Charlie in the entryway as they’re putting on their jackets. I hand Bailey the mug and a spare key to the house.

“This works on the front door. If you have any issues, just text me. Finn should be good for you when you get home. Let me know if you have any issues with him.”

She smiles and says, “Thank you.”

I nod before crouching down in front of Charlie. I make sure her jacket is zipped up and she’s bundled warm.

“Have a good day at school, Little Bear.” I kiss her forehead before standing and doing the same to Bailey. “Have a good day at work,” I say as I open the front door.

“You too, and be safe.”

I smile at her over my shoulder. “Always.”

CHAPTER 18

Bailey

Iwatch Caleb as he makes his way towards his truck before I lock the front door and Charlie and I walk to the car. I drop her off at school before heading to work. I’m fifteen minutes early when I get there, so I head into the kitchen and text Lily. I haven’t told her about any of the craziness of late and I feel bad for not keeping her updated.

Bailey: Hey, you free for lunch today? Lots to catch you up on.

I text Liv next.

Bailey: Thanks for the package yesterday. I appreciate it.

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