Page 23 of Single Dad Dilemma

Violet straightens from hugging Margo, and she offers me a weak smile. “Hey,” she breathes out.

“Hi,” I say, forcing the words out through my teeth. I’m sure she probably thinks I’m angry with her, but really, I’m angry with myself for wanting her as badly as I do. Why can’t I ever stick to what I agree on when it comes to her? Anything else and there’s never a problem, but with her, I want her, and that’s all that matters. I’m pathetic.

“Come on, Violet, let’s go play until the pizza gets here,” Margo says, pulling her into the living room and up the stairs. Violet follows without argument. As she’s walking up the stairs,she turns and looks back at me, her eyes finding mine, and I can’t help but to see the expression on her face. It looks pleading, almost like she’s silently asking me for something.

But what?

She couldn’t possibly be feeling the same way I am, could she? Does she want me as badly as I want her? Does she know how much pain she’s been able to take away from me, just by being here? I doubt it. She doesn’t know anything because I haven’t told her.

Why haven’t I told her? She needs to know all of me, but can I allow that to happen? I haven’t opened up to anyone since Kate. There it is…Kate. Again. She was always my strength before. Why is it that she’s now holding me back? Am I strong enough to push her away, to reach out and take what I really want?

NINE

Violet

Ithought I was strong enough to come back here. I thought that I was strong enough to resist the way I feel about him. But coming back here has proved one thing.

I’m not strong enough for anything.

Just walking through those doors told me that. The first thing I wanted to do was walk up to him and kiss him, kiss him until I am dizzy and can’t breathe. I want to drag him back upstairs and push him back onto his bed. I want to feel his body pressed against mine. I want to never leave.

I know, I know. That can’t happen. For one, we don’t know one another very well yet. If we jump into any kind of sexual relationship, Margo could get hurt when things end badly. And two, he’s still very hurt by his wife’s passing. I’m not a savior. I can’t save him from himself. And three, well, now I suddenly can’t remember. Before I got here, I could’ve given you ten reasons why Carson and I aren’t a good idea. But now that I’m here, I can only think of the two that are right in front of my face. Her picture is still on the mantel, and their daughter is clinging to my hand like I’m her best friend in the world.

Margo and I play tea party until Carson yells up and tells us that the pizza is here. The two of us head down the stairs, finding the kitchen table covered in food.

“Would you like a beer?” Carson asks.

“Sure,” I agree, willing to take the sharp edge of this pointed knife in any way that I can. Maybe it will help me to relax and think more clearly for our discussion later. The table is already set. While Carson gets us all a drink, I help Margo fix her plate. She asks for one slice of cheese pizza and one piece of cheesy bread with sauce.

Once her plate is fixed and she’s digging in, I grab myself a piece of pizza with everything, a chicken wing, and a piece of cheesy bread. I cut off a small bite of chicken and pop it into my mouth. The warmth of the sauce hits me, but Carson is handing over my cold beer just in time.

“I hope you like this pizza place,” he says, sitting next to me. “We haven’t tried it yet.”

I nod. “It’s the only place in town, but it’s good.” I swallow my food and take a bite of pizza.

Over dinner, the three of us eat and talk and laugh. For a moment, I almost forgot why I’m here and just enjoy being here and being around a father and his little girl. Their relationship is the cutest. He’s a great dad, and she’s the sweetest little girl I’ve ever met.

After dinner, Margo wants to go outside and play on the beach, so I take her while Carson cleans up the kitchen. We play and splash in the water on the shore, we play in the sand, building a lame excuse for a sandcastle, and then we race to the door when Carson calls her inside for a bath.

“I’m going to throw her in the tub and put her to bed. Can you wait?” Carson asks.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, good,” he says with a smile.

The two of them disappear into the house, and I take a seat on the deck chair, looking out at the lake. The sun is going down for the day, and it offers the perfect view. I grab and sip another beer while I watch it, enjoying the sounds of the birds and the crickets chirping.

It feels like at least an hour has passed. The sun is no longer visible in the sky, leaving me in darkness, with only a little light on the porch filtering out front the glass windows. The door opens and Carson steps out. He takes the empty chair next to me. He has a beer in his hand, and he takes a drink as he thinks over what he wants to say.

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner. It was fun, and I think Margo really enjoyed it.”

He flashes a weak smile and nods. “She really did. You’re her best friend.”

I shrug. “Only for a couple more months. Then she’ll be starting school and making friends her own age. I’ll cherish the moments I get with her.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, because to me, she’s what’s most important here.”

“I totally agree.”

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