Page 69 of Shuttered Hearts

“A couple of coffees?” I ask, moving toward my mom.

“You got it.”

I walk over toward my mother, and when she notices me, she’s a little taken aback. “Bean, what are you doing here?”

“I was having breakfast with a friend.”

“Oh, that’s nice, I guess. The service here seems to have gone downhill.”

“No, you’ve forgotten how supportive the people of Ashford Falls are with each other. They don’t want to serve you, not afterhow you left your family,” I tell her honestly. “You want to sit and talk for a minute?” I ask after a moment of silence.

“Oh! Sure, I would like that.” She smiles at me, and my gut tells me it’s not real.

We make our way to the booth in the back, Rose right behind us with two cups of coffee. “Can I get you anything else?” She looks at me, ignoring my mom.

“Not at the moment.” I give her a quick smile of reassurance, but Rose doesn’t wait, moving on to the next table quickly.

“Well, I was hoping to order some breakfast,” Mom says, a small pout on her face.

“I’m sure she’ll be back.” I wrap my hands around the hot cup of coffee in front of me to stop myself from fidgeting. I know I need to have this conversation with her, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous.

“How have you been, Bean?”

“For the last ten years or the last ten hours?”

“Oh, don’t be like that.”

“Like what? What do you expect? A lot has happened since the last time I saw you. Some of it good, some of it kind of horrible.” I study her for a moment and decide to be honest. That’s what this is supposed to be about—honesty. “And you weren’t here for any of it. You weren’t here when I needed you most.”

“If this is how this conversation will go, I think I’d rather leave.” She scoots from her side of the booth, but I reach over, grabbing her arm to stop her.

“Can you just answer one question for me?” I ask her.

She stops and studies me. After what feels like an eternity, she sits back in her seat. “What question?”

“What happened? Why did you choose other people over your family? Over me? Why did you leave?” I ask, tears forming in my eyes, my voice getting quieter with each word.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean … I need to know why you left. What happened when I was nine that you started hanging out with those people who changed you? Why did you stick around, coming and going from our lives for another nine years, if you were just going to leave in the end? Why did you choose drugs and alcohol over your family?” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “I need to know what happened.”

She leans forward, wrapping her hands around her mug and studying it for a minute before looking up at me. “I met your father when I was ten years old. My mother and I moved into the house across the street from his family. He was four years older, and I was the little girl who lived next door. He didn’t pay much attention to me when we first met, but he wasn’t rude either. I thought he was so cool.” She smiles softly. “I had the biggest crush on him.” She sounds so happy when she says that, like it was the best thing having a crush on him.

“He’d always been around, you know? He helped my mother maintain the yard, and he’d help bring in the groceries if he saw us getting home with them. When we needed something fixed in the house, he was always willing to help.” She pauses, lost in thought. “He’d always stop and talk to me if he saw me around. And not just around the house, but anywhere around town, even if he was with his friends. He made me feel special.

“It wasn’t until I turned nineteen that your father finally made a move. And I won’t lie. By that time, I was madly in love with him. I would have done anything for him back then. I did do anything for him.” She sighs and takes a sip of her coffee, giving herself a moment.

“It was maybe a month into your father and I dating that we found out I was pregnant with Caleb. It wasn’t planned. I never wanted kids, and when I found out about Caleb, I just didn’t know what to do. So, I told your dad, thinking we would discussall our options, but the second the words ‘I’m pregnant’ left my mouth, your father was so overjoyed.” She takes a moment, almost lost in the memory.

“You see, he always wanted kids, and the idea of disappointing him and telling him I didn’t terrified me. I guess I was more afraid of being without your father than I was about having a baby. So I never told him I didn’t want kids, and we had Caleb.” She looks down and studies her mug.

Most of this isn’t new to me. I knew they had known each other long before they started dating, and I knew Caleb hadn’t been planned. What I didn’t know was that Mom had never wanted kids.

“Things had honestly been pretty good, better than I thought they’d be. So when your dad said he wanted to try for another baby, I thought it was a good idea. Caleb had been such an easy baby. You, on the other hand, you were not. Most nights, you made me want to pull my hair out.” She looks at me, and contrary to the words she just said, this look of utter fondness falls over her face.

“Then, there were nights, most often when your dad was at the firehouse, and the three of us were alone, that made me forget how much trouble you were. You’d look at me as if I were your entire world, and I’d fall in love with you all over again.” She stops talking as if that’s all she has to say.

“So, what changed?”

---